Hana's House Call [Kasey & Hanako]

She sobbed again in the pillow, too much pain, she could not keep up with it. Her heart as if ripped out of her chest again and again, daggers, she was surprised how she held on, not eating, not doing anything else but on that bed in the hotel room crying and crying and crying. 

Why had she noticed the note on her phone that there was activity in the Underground text, she should have gone out of there and not be tempted to speak to Mercury, she had forgotten for a second that G knew her username and she knew his. He threatened her, he said she killed innocents, she knew that he did not want her to do an abortion, she should use more humane actions, but growing up in a world where your mother could not stand you, that would be cruel. Oh her little one, her sweet baby darling, it was not a fair world for him. His father hating men in general, would that qualify, I love you and him equally. Yes, another lie. She bit her lip to not cry out. It only hurt her more, no, it was not fair. It was not fair how much she loved him. She felt herself shiver right before she heard a knock on the door and she tried to sit upright, that hurt too. Her whole body hurt. 

"In a minute."

She called out because with the pain in the fibre of her being, she had trouble getting up, but finally it worked. Had she not been so damn skinny, the bump would not be extremely weird for her, but she was, she would never get that back either, wonderful. She opened the door and stared for a second with big surprised eyes at the bone masked lady, it was a lady right? But on the other hand, she did not care anymore. If this was a trap and they come to kill her, whatever, let it be, destruction was upon her anyway. Her conversation with Macabre had been on the request of Army of Bones, she had never asked her if she liked it, but now she was here as a favour. She did not know what to say, only took a step aside to let her in before closing the door behind her and sitting on the edge of the bed. The room was big and roomy, she paid for that, tv, a table and four chairs, a double bed, a great bathroom with bubble bath. Yet it was worthless to her. 

"I-I... Thank you for coming." 

She had to focus on what to say, be a normal functioning human being even with her puffy eyes and swollen cheeks, she was emotional, else she would never show her in this state to anyone but she did not care, get rid of it, everything, the pain. She had her hands on the baby bump, she felt the tears show up in the corner of her eye, she needed to release him, he did not deserve this, such hopeless parents. 

Did this make her like her mother? 

You are... with child?

She closed her eyes, no words being able to pass her lips right now. She did not have to answer the question, it was basically rhetorical. The baby bump said enough. If only she was not with child and she wanted to wail and cry, she did not want to hate the baby and to be honest she did not yet. She came to love the little baby and thought about names after they realized she was having a boy, the whole afternoon, words and names trying to figure out if they would pick a Japanese or American name, she had not said it out loud but now it was nothing. All that work was for nothing. She held her little one, mentally there was nothing between them, I do love you, I love you, I really do. Which made her only cry more, but no sound past her lips. 

Gilbert. 

She had not heard his name in ages, she was not allowed to call him that, so she did not. She had never called him that, tried to kill the name in her mind, Gil. How the jump of her heart by only hearing his full name made it feel even more painful. She nodded though, yes he was, is, was, she said he was, it was none of his business. Her blood-shot eyes, her tired eyes followed Bones to what she was doing, putting the briefcase on the table and showing something that would take her pain away, if only she would stop feeling, that might help her stop thinking so much, it would maybe give her time to think. She stopped crying as she stared at Bones, what... what? If only she could answer those question, maybe it was not so bad to be dead. It would solve everything. It would stop her pain, maybe she was not meant to be alive, Nanami, mother, father. What did it matter? 

She could not form words so after Bones introduced herself it was silent for a while. "I-I don't know." She said with a high pitched voice, "I-I can't raise a baby in a world that might hate him, it's not fair. My little one." She looked to her lap, no, it was not fair. "G-G."  Saying his name again and again in her mind as she tried to stutter out that one letter made it only hurt more. "I can't take it." Nine days of pain. Nine days of truth and revelation. If she could turn back time, she would have never wanted to know. 

She would have never wanted to know, just them, just a family of three or five. She did not mind the other two, she loved them for as much as she could, keeping her distance with one and being as close as possible as she could with the other. Oh Miku, what had she done. She wanted to make a decision but she did not know how. She trembled, her lower lip, her whole body. She wanted to return, she wanted to step up, which she did, but she fell just as harshly back on the soft bed and cried, cried cried, cried. "I want him," but after what he said, he threatened her, it was her child, she would take care of it, he kept pushing her away to have the baby for himself. She just wanted this crucial physical but especially the mental pain gone, if the doctors could do something for her. Her body was tired, tired of crying, tired of giving her the signs that she was not taking good care of herself.

Did he hate her so quickly?

Don't raise the child? Consider an abortion but she was so far gone, they knew it was a son, only learned that yesterday, she could not suddenly, no. "No I want him, I want my baby boy." Him which of the two, Gil or the baby, she had no choice, she could not pick one and not the other but she would never have them both again. G betrayed her. The way he spoke to her that day as if it was only her because he had an excuse, it was not fair. Nothing was. She stared at the woman with the mask who knew her name, who knew that G was a vigilante. "What would you do with him?" She held up her body, trembling for lack of power and strength, holding her bump with both her hands. "Don't hurt him." She had set everything in order to buy the notes so no one else would, so no one else would know his identity, hers did not matter but his! He was out there, she was inside here, hiding anyway. "D-don't." She lowered herself, missing the bed as she simply collapsed on her knees, everything was heavy and blurry. Using too much energy with a body that had none as all her energy that she had she was still giving to their unborn child.

She had been so mean. She lied, she wanted him, she only wanted G back, if she would keep the child anyway, why would she not take him back.

Words, they all had a meaning but did it reach her. It reached her ears, went through her hearing, trying to progress and process through her brain to find that one piece of the puzzle that would translate it to words she understand. She had said words that were on the tip of her tongue on the edge of her lips, words, so many words. The wrong words. All the words, tumbling one after another. Not wanting to raise him in world that would hate him, where she would hate him, but he was her baby boy, their baby boy, what would happen. She did not want him gone but she could also not make that decision by herself, she had said the wrong words. It was her decision how to raise the baby, it was hers. It was theirs but she would not leave it with G, not if he hated boys, she would not know how this co-parenting would work. She wanted G back but how could she? How could they ever after what they said and after what they did? It wasn't fair for either of them, but most of all not fair to their child. 

It was so tempting, not to kill it, that wasn't tempting at all but he called for other humane options, give it to Army of Bones. What did it matter that she was in a chat that was everything but good, what did it all matter as long as her little boy was pampered and loved, that he did not question himself every single day. She could not do that to him. She stared with teary, red, puffy eyes at the woman with the mask. Tossed his life away years ago. She never asked, she never wondered because she did not dare and look at her now, would she understand better, he had said she should have known but she did not. She heard him speak about wanting children once and that had freaked her out, she thought they discussed it but little did she know at that moment she was already pregnant. It wasn't fair. 

She wailed and cried, whined and sobbed, there was nothing left. She had destroyed all, she had become the master of her own job, was this what it took? Than she rather had no job but him back, holding her, supporting her. "A magic pill?" She said, standing up, her eyes darting to the bed, her black phone on there. She wanted to use it, could she. "I feel so much pain, I don't know what you mean." Her legs trembling so slightly, but what would she do now? How did she make herself suffer, yes she knew she started it but that... that did not take away the pain at all. 

She felt a shiver going down her spine, did she make a mistake? How many more could she add to the list that seemed to be never ending, impact, after impact. Had G not warned her and even if she had avoided Thundershock and Bucket, what about Army of Bones? He never said anything about her, she could not stop thinking about him and how he worried and broke the mirror. Her eyes turn bigger, what would he do now? Would he hurt himself, her eyes again darting to the phone, no she would have to text him, there was so much to consider. She had to save him, she had to protect him as a favour of what he did to protect her, to make up for the words she said in her pain. 

Could you be drunk on pain because she sure as hell regret every thing she said to him. Every single word, every single intonation, it was the worst, she was the worst. She had ruined everything! Gil! She felt so bad, she felt so much regret and sorrow, what had she done. 

But as soon as Army of Bones moved, her eyes looked back at her, if only she could numb the pain and tell the words to G, understand what she needed to say, think clearly without the many distractions in her head. She wanted to take it, but would this not ask for more considering the favour she did before, was it worth this much? She extended her hand but before taking any of the pills she looked up to Army of Bones when she asked the question and she lingered some more.

Love or care?

What did she desire? She did desire to get rid of the pain, to make that decision, she did desire for his arms around him. For his stupid funny comments or when he complimented her, when he said she gave him a heart attack because he cared for her well being, she wanted the kisses on her lips, his hands on the baby bump that carried their baby but... but she had rather not had that baby just yet. The last sentence made her cry again, without a sound this time, big tears just rolling over her cheeks. "I thought I did but I am not so sure." Wasn't that what she should find out, but that did not mean that their trust was restored, it was broken. 

For forever. 

Which only made her cry more. "T-that medicine, it doesn't hurt the baby right?" Because she needed this pain to disappear.  

"I am sorry." Panic, everything that she thought she would not have was soaring through her body, screaming at her: Who cares about you, care about the little one! Care about his son. It was not fair, it was her son too but that little nagging voice in the back of her head only told her: you did not want a son or a child at all. It was not fair, it should stop, it should shut up. She took the pill, she apologized for not paying attention, not hearing words. Not connecting meanings to those words, so she took one pill, considering Army of Bones swallowed it and promised that her child would feel no pain, she swallowed. Funny, trusting someone she did not know. G had warned her, s-she felt strange. She closed her eyes against the vibrant colours. Illness? 

Unburdened was the only word she should focus on. But now that she thought clearly, albeit her senses were dulled it did not make a logical thought in her mind, she quickly picked up the phone and texted. 


She lowered her phone to look at Army of Bones, "Talk about what exactly?" Was she even in the slightest way capable, the screen looked strange, colours looked strange, but the pain system of her body shutting down felt wonderful. She did feel unburdened within seconds, but what was going to happen now?