A broken Heart. [Nick]

He knew he should not have been out. He was supposed to be locked down to the dormitory building, forbidden from leaving even to the school library. All thanks to that bitch Susamu; the irritating, petulant whore who had gotten exactly what she deserved.

Susamu was the furthest thing from Nick’s mind, however. No; once again all he could think about was Rin, Rin, Rin. No one else could have gotten him to defy his suspension as boldly.

He clenched his fists as he strode through the dimly lit streets. It was not fair. He had only just begun to understand what he felt for her and some other bastard had come along and snatched her right from under him. Once again he felt the overwhelming, crushingly helpless sensation of having no control he was also just beginning to realise had plagued him his entire life.

And he was sick of it.

So. Very. Sick. He had never had a choice about being raised enduring brutal training that involved having the shit kicked out of him and being made to kill other children. He had never had a choice about being sent to Yuuei. This time, though, he told himself he did have a choice. He would take back control. Take back her.

And that was exactly why he was out on the streets, following after her small form from a reasonable distance. Even he had known about her music night; lord knew she had advertised it enough. He had intended to enter the maid café to watch her, but had arrived in time to catch sight of her fleeing from it, for whatever reason. Which suited him just fine.

He reached the park himself and glanced around. He saw her at last as she slumped down against a bench. He maintained his distance in the shadows, ignorant of the kind of being this made him seem like, or that he perhaps had become.

Her eyes were red. Had she been crying? His mind actually blanked. For some reason, a part of him wanted to say something, anything, that would make her feel better. Alas, he had no idea how to do that. No one had ever said anything of the sort to him all the times had cried before he came to Japan…

So, instead, he resumed his approach as she got up again with an expression that was difficult to read.

“Rin.”

He finally reached her. He stopped with her but an arm’s length away. To an onlooker he must have seemed like a complete robot, with his stiff posture and neutral stare.

“You’re out late,” he continued, plainly stating the obvious like a bloody idiot, completely overlooking the fact that he, too, was out late. On the inside he cringed at himself and voices yelled to get a grip. “What’re you doing?”

Nick had not expected her to answer him. He had already been preparing himself for her to recoil at his presence, to look at him with eyes wide in horror and to demand him to leave her alone. After all, why would she want him around her? She did not understand him. Honestly, deep down he barely understood himself, so how could he expect her to? He needed to be strong to survive, but he was a mess…

He listened to her words. He tried to maintain his calm, neutral demeanour, but what she said made him begin to tremble. No. This was worse than he ever could have imagined. It was not only Ryuusei who had laid a claim to her, but whoever this ‘Elise’ was and fucking Jasmine Noir of all people too? His expression slowly back to crack, an eye ever so slightly twitching.

Once again he was his seven-year-old self stood looking through a shop window at all the toys inside, until the man he was with seized his arm and dragged him away.

He could never have anything he wanted, anything that would make him feel things other than anger and pain. Other people were always taking it away from him. Except he had vowed this time that would not happen. He believed that with even greater fire now, knowing how many there were.

“It’s funny,” he said. “I think I almost know what that feels like, you know? Being – desperate.” He hesitated before he said it, reluctant to admit that he could ever feel such a way, but he did. There had been a feeling of emptiness that had gnawed on him all his life, and somehow it had only grown worse because of her. When he had kissed her, it had gone away. He wished for it to go away forever, and if she was the key to that…

“I…”

For some reason he remembered Susamu’s words about how Rin had been hurt in her past, and how it reminded him of his own suffering. He dipped his head, unsure of where the hell his words were coming from, but he could not stop them; “I know what it’s like, Rin. To be hurt when you’re – to be hurt.” He finally managed to stop himself. There was no one else he knew who had suffered too in their childhood, but how much weakness did he want to show, even to her? Did he really want to give such information about himself away? He no longer knew.

Nick felt pangs of jealous irritation the more she fiddled with her phone. Undoubtedly she was texting Ryuusei or someone about meeting up and how much she cared and all things Nick would never hear from her or anyone else.

He was surprised, however, when she actually thanked him, and instead of bitter jealousy he felt suddenly delighted to see her happy again, even almost smiling. It did not last long, for it still did not change that she had been hurt in the first place. What had she said, that people had been booing? Fucking Maxi, that useless moron, and some others she had not named but he promised himself he would find out. He would make them pay, as agonisingly as possible.

He abruptly snapped out of his angry haze as she spoke of catching a bus. A quiet, pained ‘no’ left his lips. She was turning. She was walking. She was leaving. An icy cold void opened up inside him and the exact desperation he had spoken of screamed through his body.

If he let her walk away then she would head straight back into the arms of Ryuusei, or Jasmine, or any other of the apparently numerous choices she had that were not him. To say he could not stand that thought was an understatement equal to describing the sun as merely warm.

“You’re not leaving me!” he howled in a voice that sounded every bit as hurt, frantic and desperate as he felt.

The disc-shaped growth on his back bulged and spat out its fluid faster than it ever had. It had not even finished solidifying into armour when he lunged at her and attempted to wrap a hand around her throat. A quick, swift submission choke, as painless as possible; the Gifted Underground’s training had not been wasted, as much of a struggle as it had been.

Finally, she would be all his, and never anyone else’s. He would keep her safe from everyone who would want to harm her. It did not even matter to him that he would never be returning to Yuuei; going there had never been his choice to begin with, and from now on he made all his own decisions, starting with his decision to take back Rin. Where would he take her if he succeeded in choking her out? Fuck, he barely knew, but he would find somewhere. All that mattered to him was that he had her.