What a Woman Wants [Akiva/Saga]

Beast Bane[attr=class,punkihover1]

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"You sure you want to try again?" How did he end up in this shady bar? Simple, he was doing his job, knocked a guy straight through the door and ended up being a celebrated victory round and got some drinks flowing. Apparently, the guy he knocked out had been a nasty son of a gun and they wanted to get rid of him. Good for the guy that he challenged the panther as Akiva had been in a foul mood and fixed the issue rather quickly. Now he was showing his new found strength by arm wrestling people and just grinning a very toothy grin and enjoying his night. Working on another arm wrestle case he won and only felt a little sore after the seventh round or something and he rolled his shoulder, got another pitch of beer and heard a familiar voice with his sharp hearing. He had his jacket over the bar and his top showed off his tribals tattooed shoulders, something he normally hid but he had not expected to bump into anyone familiar, he should have known though that he could bump into Nikki in places like this.

"Oh hello there, sexy." He joked back and leaning with his left on the bar to look at Nikki, "Long time no see." He couldn't help but laugh and tried to keep up with her teasing as he had done before. Even if it brought him conflict with how to react, he found the way Nikki talked funny, so why be hurt or obsessed with it. "I bumped a guy, got asked if I wanted a free drink and decided to stick around." It was obvious he wasn't a bar man but he was definitely enjoying tonight and not letting it go to wastes. He held up his hand to give the girl next to him a pitcher of the same drink as well, it was fine right? It wasn't something bad, but he had a lot of questions, he never... yea no that wasn't true but being so serious about someone he liked was definitely new to him, getting his own apartment right now and such meant that he did not want to ask Lilith, technically he did not even want to discuss it with his sassy high school friend. Heh, maybe Nikki reminded him a bit of Lilith, albeit Nikki called him pretty, much better for the ego than Oh god, did you see how you look. Oh well, this was someone else so he could ask her. "Can I enjoy your company for tonight?" It would be fun to talk to Nikki, the steel maiden for a while but he shouldn't get distracted from his goal, which was actually that he should leave and overthink this shit, it was better than not thinking right? There were so many questions and he did not know where to start, who to ask and so on, he should just be that brave soldier boy and ask Lyra... yea, if he could talk normally to Nikki, why not to Lyra?

Beast Bane[attr=class,punkihover1]

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Some might say that indeed, she seemed to be in a good mood and he just felt rather good about that. It was better obviously then the start of their first meeting. But it had been a while, he tried to remember when it had been exactly. He had seen her at that Storm Knight issue but he lost sight of her as they were both focusing on another enemy, that was at the start of the summer and look at them now, it was already autumn. He would watch her, casually as he tried to be he watched her get onto the barstool next to him and her whole body language towards him. That life would have been so much easier, but he did not want that anymore... stupid thoughts that did not help at this point. He wasn't even sure if he was ready or something along those lines and he wasn't even sure what the question was, he was overthinking everything so badly.

He told her someone was buying his drinks and he looked at her and shook his head with a laugh, "Of courses, go ahead I suppose." It wasn't his issue, he did not care at all about using someone else their money, at some point he would stop and so on but at this point, nope, they offered it, so he took advantage of it. It was rather stupid, he did not want to think about it, it reminded him of some vague memory from the past, where he would just use the same attitude and steal people their money. He did try to remember more but it seemed awfully far away in his memory and he had no idea what to think about it. It was probably nothing so it was all good.

He just leaned with his elbow on the bar, took a big gulp of his own drink, which was simple ber and looked at her when she ordered bourbon. Definitely making use of his situation, oh well, he would see what happened, probably no one noticed and they will be gone before the tab was paid, interesting idea. He said nothing, tanked his own beer and would just see how it would go for the rest of the night. He did not feel drunk enough for sure. Maybe he should order more or a bourbon himself and just get drunk, it would save him overthinking anything.
He tried it, a casual conversation with Nikki and her sassy comment made him raise an eyebrow. "Is it?" He wasn't sure himself if it was a lie, how did these things work anyway and why did he keep thinking about it and about her. The bright red hair and the way she spoke about her study and dared to share her quirk information with him, obviously he had seen it a couple of times and... she had rescued him a couple of times. He did not want to think about it, god it made him nauseous as he did not feel very heroic around her and yet tried to portrait that any time. He did not feel like he had to hold up that part of the bargain of his life when looking at Nikki. Maybe because she already thought of him as shitty, he had no idea.

He blushed very much when Nikki seemed to have found the topic he tried to avoid. "It's not like we are a couple or something." Would it really make Lyra uncomfortable or upset if he was here on his own? In a bar? Just drinking a beer after hard work of pushing criminals down? He did not want his life to be limited but he did not want to hurt her either. He kinda wanted her to worry about him, not liking it if he spoke to other women because she wanted that attention, but he wasn't sure if she wanted that.

Beast Bane[attr=class,punkihover1]

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Actually, it was rather flattering what she said, he did not want to immediately think Nikki was lying. With all the previous times he met her, she did not seem to be the kind of girl that would lie for someone's benefit and would straight up, blunt and yet honest tell what was going on. He appreciated that, well he did up till now if it would hurt his ego. But maybe he did not want to have her flirt with him or maybe he wanted it as it was straight up giving him answers if he was funny, attractive or whatever of some sorts. But he wasn't in the mood to actually give such snarky, sassy, fun-loving comments back. He did that before, he used to be okay with replying to Nikki's sass or tease and he could make retorts but he seemed out of it. He also did not feel like the hero that they hauled in. Wait a minute, why did they do that again? How could he forget already, how long has he been sitting here? It was probably because he drank too much already. That made an awful lot of sense, yes... it must be that. He was sure of it. Wait did she say anything to him? He was trying to give her the attention surely, but it was just he seemed to forget something and it annoyed him very much, that he did not know what. "Glad to hear you are in a good mood." That's what she said right? Something about being in a good mood, he noticed she was in a good mood, he had also met her in bad moods after all.

Maybe she hit the jackpot by saying something about Lyra because obviously it was about Lyra and he just grumbled a bit about them not being a couple. Maybe that's what annoyed him. He really wanted to consider that Lyra would be grumpy with him because he hung out with a pretty person such as Nikki and although Nikki was pretty and he knew her and watched her move... Lyra was just... different, in the good sense of the word. He looked up from the pit of his glass when she said she was surprised. "Surprised about what?" about him being single or Lyra be...ing single. Wait a second maybe she wasn't single? Maybe that's why he did not get the vibes of her wanting to date him or maybe he did not even know anymore how those vibes work. "I have, she said I could use it for emergencies or something along those lines when I needed her help." And boy did he run into trouble every time he saw her. Got starstruck as he saw her, so pretty, radiant, anything and he would just turn into a puddle of goofiness. How often had she not saved him now? "I did text her and we did... I don't know, hang out, not sure if you call that shit a date. I showed her a bakery, bought her pie and cookies and tea and walked her to the train cuz I couldn't go to Tokyo with her. I am an idiot." Because he had no idea what more he had to do to make it better or to even consider if he was making it better. He was useless, wasn't he? Who wanted a man that could not even take care of himself? God his wrists had hurt for days as he had bitten them open when he was hanging on the wall, struck by ice. But then again he saved the kid, didn't he? Made him a little hero... but he wasn't the prince charming some girl might be looking for, even if he had... baby blue eyes as Nikki pointed out.

Beast Bane[attr=class,punkihover1]

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Why could he not like someone like Nikki, look at her, she was pretty, definitely easy on the eyes and she was... yea well stop thinking. He needed to make up his mind and was it not cheating when you thought this way cuz that felt like cheating. But he wasn't in a relationship? Did that make it cheating on his thoughts... this shit was confusing! Women were confusing, why was he bisexual, why wasn't he straight-up gay. Though Enda wasn't an easy relationship either. This was too confusing in every perspective of the thing. He should sign up to be single for forever and not mingle with anyone, boya that would be a hard last. "Is that so?" He tried to tease then mentally kicked himself as he felt like he was doing the cheating discussion again all over the place and he looked at her. "Sorry bout that. But yea great nights." He was just confused about a lot of things, Nikki was so different from Lyra and he felt like he had to stop her, stop her from talking but maybe his brain was going woozy over things that weren't there. Maybe she meant getting drunk on beer, nothing else. Akiva looked at his pitcher. "I actually have no idea, I work in a bakery." Though she had seemed to like the place, apart from the fact that it was Teruko's place. But also the baklava and ngh he wanted to make something for her. Maybe he should do that, macarons, doughnuts, anything.

"Take a walk on the wild side?" What? Was he missing something? What was the wild side, or like what they did... then... now.. "I mean eh. she works the way we do at night? Isn't that tough and fierce enough?" Oh yea man that day at the vigilante hideout or you know at the orphanage, he could drool about that. In the sense that she had looked so awesome like she was Wonderwoman and he wanted to be as impressive as her, instead, he was like a big goofy black panther, who could stumble over his own big paws because he was paying attention to her. Uugh he hated himself. So he told Nikki more and glared at her, "I know, what a guy right." She probably wouldn't like it, Nikki that is and he wasn't sure if he minded actually doing it. He knew Lyra could take care of herself but that did not mean he could not try and be chivalrous. He sighed, "I was." He did not like to admit that he did that but as a villain why would you give a shit about what other people felt. "It helps to have a place on your own but sometimes you just find someone who takes your breath away and why would I ruin that if I can just... you know, look at her more often if I would say so. Not that I will say so, good god cuz why would she like me back." Shut up, no don't put the self-pity parade in front of Nikki, she would tear him to shreds with her sass and she would probably be right about it too but still, please no.

Beast Bane[attr=class,punkihover1]

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Here we go again, everyone that ever figured out he wanted to work in a bakery or worked in the bakery looked at him with surprise, disbelieve and so much more. In this case, it felt even worse, Nikki laughed her ass off. She even made a very ugh comment and he just rolled his eyes and held up his hand to indicate to the barkeeper to give him another drink. He shouldn't drink more beer or any other alcoholic beverages because it wasn't his intention to get drunk, but well, for now, this was the solution of not having to go into a conversation about him being a baker and liking nice big buns as she said it. Actually he- he shouldn't go into the debate that he did not make buns, and he did not care for buns and that he had to really focus not to look at hers now that he felt like she was trying to show off. Surely they were pretty, he had said that before to her and she knew it, obviously, now using it against him. God, he felt like a horrible man. Surely he was a shit guy, he had been a villain, he wanted to look at other girls while trying to convince himself that he had only eyes for one and yet he wasn't sure if he was that good, was he good? Cuz Lyra deserved the best and he was actually quite convinced that he wasn't the best, there was probably some guy at her university that was doing much better then he was.

It even felt like the situation or conversation got worse the more he tried to explain to Nikki about Lyra. Was he that stupid? Was he seeing things that weren't there? The reason why he fell in love if he dared to call it that, was simply because Lyra brought emotions above that he had not felt before, she made him feel calm, which was something he desperately fought for. He did not want to be that feral agitated guy all the time, he really wanted to be nice and get along with people instead of being deadly afraid he might hurt his friends because he went feral. "Is that a good thing or a bad thing though?" He could not help ask when Nikki said they were a different breed? He knew there was a saying somewhere in china but he did not want to think about it and yet he did. It gnawed on him that he couldn't remember, why couldn't he remember? He did listen, he just did not want to consider it, which is why he blurted out what he felt to Nikki, without considering if she wanted to hear it or not.

His confession made him definitely not want to look at Nikki. He felt very feminine and he did not like it. He felt like a joke, a loser and maybe a sissy, but those words he was not allowed to use for so many reasons including that it offended him. He was always the masculine one, the strong one and he always had to prove that. He was the idiot though when it came to moments with Nikki and moments with Lyra, they probably thought of him that way, pretty but dumb. He wasn't sure if what Nikki described what he wanted, surely that's what he hoped with Rufina and with Enda but look at him now he was single and hopeless. "I rather have something steady and nice." Something he could hold on to and understand. He wasn't sure how else to describe it.

Beast Bane[attr=class,punkihover1]

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Maybe he was just stupid, maybe he was a walking contradiction but he wanted for once to feel safe. He never felt safe, he was probably never safe. In that case, Nikki had a good point that he should give up and just walk out. No one should have to deal with him on multiple occasions, he was wondering how Enda or Teruko had taken so long to tolerate him or accept him back in their life. It was not a strange thing to consider that Enda left him, though the question was on the tip of his tongue for months, he still had not asked the blond the right question: why, why did you leave, why did you not tell me, why did you just go without a word, why. But what would it mean to be a different breed as Nikki said, was it a good or a bad thing. He did not even believe he agreed they were the same after all Nikki seemed to know perfectly what she wanted, she seemed to be content with her life and he just felt like everything was starting to be beyond his reach. Every time he felt like extending his hands to grab a hold of something and it was just straight-up gone.

"I don't think I am denying anything." Which was the problem, he wished he could deny it, but he looked away from Nikki and brushed the hurt hand through his baby-blue hair. The sixteen tallies on his knuckles were burned in with a nail, burned hot and red and he scratched it. He remembered every one of their faces but he would not share that information with anyone. Enda knew a bit but not all. It was surprising and maybe that's when it dawned on him, he did not get a word Nikki said because it made no sense to him. He wasn't denying he was a bad man, whether that meant he was a coward from time to time or a simply a liar. He was denying himself the possibility of change and Nikki's matter-of-fact words were not helping because it made him fall deeper in the pit of completely agreeing that he was a lost case, an asshole, something that did not deserve to be having the luck he had now. "I don't think we are the same, it would be nice if we were, but let's just say you are better." Which was also his way of trying to cut off the conversation. However, that did not happen, he should have known. It wasn't that Nikki was annoying or that what she said was bad but it started to annoy him. MOstly because there were so many other people out there that he wanted to trust and share his deep dark past with and he could not and now it felt like Nikki knew all about him. Even Lilith did not know and she knew him for about eight years already.

He said he wanted something steady and nice and he felt the sarcasm sting him of Nikki's following words. He said nothing, just looked at his beer. The golden looking liquid did not seem to be that appetizing anymore. Maybe it would be too much if he drank more. He already felt like losing the edges. He did not want to go feral, he still could not trust himself. His blue eyes, looking less nice and baby blue now it started to annoy him glared at her. He had not complained that day in the alleys after their victory. He had not complained with all the other people he had a one night stand with but did she really think that was going to be him for the rest of his life. He said nothing, he just listened, he tried to count his breathing. So many seconds in, so many to hold his breath, so many out. But he could not zone out her words.

Words came out of her, she seemed mad, why was she mad about what he wanted? What was it to her and he was done, he slammed his left hand on the bar and people turned to him. He swept them away with an angry look at his face before turning those dark eyes to Nikki. "You seem to know an awful lot about a guy you met three times, wow Nikki, maybe you missed your job as psychiatrist or something, therapist, whatever you want to be. Don't bother okay, I know I don't deserve anything, I don't deserve Lyra because she is too good to me, I don't want to hurt her or anyone else anymore, I have done that enough. So I will stay away from everyone, good you say it. I am not like you, I can't just have fun, all the time. I am not like her, I am not like Teruko, I am not like G or anyone else for that matter, I am the guy who has to constantly watch himself to not snap, to not scream, shout and do worse. So yes, I am going to hold myself back, but not for what you said, but for so much more, thanks for reminding me of that." He did not deserve someone so nice, so delicate, so pure good as he would ruin it. He would always ruin it. "I think I am going to go." He had made sure the barman would not pour her a new drink. He had pushed him away with the look on his face, but now he waved the man over. "Could you thank the guy that would pay my tab, I am leaving."

Beast Bane[attr=class,punkihover1]

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He was tired of being a walking contradiction. He was tired of being judged all the time. He thought Nikki would not look at him that way and he thought she would actually have some advice for him, but he should have known better. He was just so tired of people not even asking his opinion and always point him that he was able to do so well, she and everyone else around him had no idea. He wanted to break something, he wanted to scream at someone and well as Nikki wasn't leaving him alone she was the easiest target to yell at. No, no he would not, he would destroy even more on his path so he had to swallow it all. She had managed to strike a nerve with her so-called we are different speech that he gave it all back to her, to see her offended face, well there you have it. Where did she think he was going? Away from her, obviously, where did he think he got the information and knowledge about her? Absolutely nowhere, but that was exactly what she had been doing to him. Maybe they both were a hypocrite, he did not ask her anything now that he thought about it, he told her about Lyra. Well, that was ruined anyway. He knew and he had known the whole time, it was nice to be pampered about that dream all the time, that he could not stand this bandaid being ripped off, spilling the nasty shit that he had done. Reminding him of how such an asshole he was.

"How do you even have friends?" He just asked her as she stood behind him, could not let him go. He had no responsibility to him, they came at the same bar, she got a free drink and now he was the little bitch, and probably any other word she threw at him in her mind. "Do you have to ruin my day even further? I told you something that goes to my heart and that worries me but all you can do is make fun of it and call me names, so congratz, I am done listening. And you are right, she is so much more pure and better then I will ever be, so yea, I am going to run away." He was always good at that, he noticed he was good at that because he could not remember anything he had done! His mind was even running away from him, he was losing how Lyra looked the moment he turned away from her, bright red hair, green eyes, right? That was it, but what was the structure of her face, what did her nose look like? Her clothes? Anything, he was going mental. But he would rather go to hell then share that with Nikki. "Now if you have anything useful to say, do it now or I am leaving." If she was so mighty and amazing then by all means speak. She just wanted him in her own bed for tonight, wasn't it? Showing off her body, teasing all the time, mentioning the night they met, mentioning how they flirted and done before and that he wasn't someone for nice and steady. He knew people like that and for now, it wouldn't surprise him if Nikki was exactly like that, but it infuriated him only more. He did not want to destroy himself any further and he did not want to ruin something that he did not even have and probably never would get. Good god he was pathetic.