A Colorless Meeting

So many teas, so many coffees... it wasn't just Japanese; she saw characters that looked like something ParaSyte would put up, she saw English, and she saw... what even was that? She didn't even recognize the characters on that one. What even was "Arabic" anyway? She lifted it up so she could give it a soft sniff, and flinched softly. Bitter... and strong. But not the worst smelling thing, she supposed.

Why was she here again? Something in here smelled good, but she couldn't imagine what. She sighed, putting the thing down, putting her gloved hands on her stomach and moving along, distracted by the surprising kinds of coffee and tea - was the world really that big? - that she didn't notice someone on the other side of the aisle, at least, not until they suddenly stopped. Luzia noticed the movement and stopped, too, moving like a doll even as she stopped.

In front of her was a girl that was, somehow, completely without color. Grayscale and everything; she looked like she was peeled off a piece of old paper. On the one hand, Luzia was impressed; it took a pretty penny for her to be this colorless, but this girl went beyond that. She was actually sort of envious; she was trying to go for the same thing, but this girl was better at it. On the other hand, Luzia was angry; she was trying her very best, damnit, and this bitch just had to rub it in her face that she was a failure at the one thing she could do? But, those emotions didn't show on her face, at least not well. She was an emotional person, she couldn't keep them completely off her face, resulting in a very mild furrow of her brow, one that could easily be annoyance or a slight squinting at a bright light. She was numb, so very numb, she could barely even feel her feelings, let alone show them.

This girl was glaring at her... why? They didn't hit each other, there was no reason to be mad. Luzia tilted her head, the slight glare of her own now just genuine confusion. Normally she might have glared back and be angry, but she was too numb for that today.

''You're seriously not gonna walk through Tokyo like that?"

Ah. That was why. Luzia took a slow, depressed breath in, almost like she had forgotten how to breath, and looked away. "It doesn't matter," she responded listlessly, her voice quiet and numb, "I'm always cold now. I can barely feel the heat." She turned her head away, then saw something that caught her interest, something that she could consider buying; candy. It was on a rack at the corner of the aisle, but it was still something she could consider getting. Looked fancy, too.

"I don't really like coffee anyway. Not sure why I came in here...." She closed her eyes, sighing softly. Maybe she could get some fancy tea for Kado or something... but she probably wouldn't like that, she made her own. Maybe Sonya? But she had all the money in the world to get stuff like this delivered to her, probably....

'Yeah, dumbass, I AM supposed to look depressed,' Luzia thought with a sour note of her own. She was distracted, for a moment, from her shitty feelings, looking over her shoulder with a glare at the completely gray girl. There was a split second where Luzia thought that, maybe, she could understand, but the smarter part of her quickly kicked in. There was no way she could understand what she was going through, even if she was colorless, because there was no way in fucking hell that this girl was colorless for any reason except a quirk!

''Depression is a lot like coffee, bitter and rough, if you can't handle the bitterness then take some time to reconsider your thoughts, take it from someone who are forced to feel depressed.''

Luzia snorted at the attempted speech, her eyes narrowing as she got a little more angry. Her blood didn't boil; it couldn't anymore, she could barely feel that warmth anymore. So instead of turning and trying to stab the girl, Luzia just huffed, gritting her teeth. Her eyes flicked towards the girl as she suddenly moved away, but she couldn't just let this drop; she didn't understand, she couldn't understand, but something in Luzia made her try anyway, turning to follow her.

She didn't understand, she had to understand; Luzia had every right to be colorless! This sort of shit didn't happen to just anyone, it happened to her, a girl that the world loved to crush, stomp, and twist their boot on. Hardly anything ever went right for her, and this was just the newest - and worst - twist of her fucking life.

"Like you'd understand! I'm way worse off than you; at least you're colorless because of your quirk!" She walked up to the girl, glaring up at her. "At least you aren't a freak of nature!"

"I understand," she said. Yeah fucking right; she still called bullshit on that. Sure, she was colorless, and she could take a guess, from those looks and the way she walked, that it was permanent. It was easy to tell that sort of thing; Luzia could barely imagine living life being monochrome... not when her whole world was neon... was.. That reminder was a jab in her heart, one that hurt more than usual. Her other words made Luzia confused, though; futile? What was she trying that was futile? She was going for an aesthetic; what was wrong with that? Was she encroaching on this girl's aesthetic? Why did she even care, they were random people that just met!

Wordlessly, and unhestiantly, Luzia followed. She didn't know why, but she did. Partly, it felt like she was going somewhere quiet to buy some 'medicine', or going somewhere secret to get laid. Neither of which she'd mind... she'd get to feel good, if just for a few moments, either way. Then again, she could be planning on threatening her... but honestly, she wasn't afraid. What could she do that would be worse than what she was?

She moved into the alleyway, and stared at the blank wall next to the girl. Would be a good place to put up some art... what would she have made? Off the top of her head, she probably would make something sad... someone kneeling on their knees, maybe, getting rained on, or maybe someone getting beat up, just like life loved to do to her. Maybe something even bloodier than that, just to cheer herself up. ...Nah. The first idea was the best one. So far, at least.

"What do you want to show me," Luzia asked, moving her eyes to her impassively. Was she gonna try to use some quirk on her? Ha, Luzia dared her; it might as well fucking happen. Least then she'd get to see some blood, even if it wasn't shining like usual....

''How many do you think actually care about your presence?"

Luzia's whole body twitched, a core part of her being wanting to jump on this girl; she had heard shit like that all her damn life, she lived it... she had been homeless for half of her life, she knew how little people cared about her. She was insulted, infuriated that this... this bitch even dared to lecture her about how shitty the world was, how shitty people were. Under her mask, Luzia's mouth curled into a snarl, not even listening to her anymore. There was no point, there was nothing she could say that she didn't already know. Why the fuck was she trying to lecture her anyway? So what if Luzia wanted to feel like shit, so what if she wanted to try to dress up while feeling like shit? Why did this bitch care?

Her black eyes narrowed, and acid laced her words as she replied. "How would I like to be completely colorless for the rest of my life? A life I was forced on, a life I didn't choose?" Emotion, anger, leaked into her voice as easily as water ran into a bowl; emotionlessness was not in her nature. Even when her body was numb, her soul was always feeling something, even if it was a fake happiness. Her fingers twitched, a latent murderous desire active even when she knew, for multiple reasons, that she couldn't act on it.

"How would you feel if you were a little girl, and you were on the streets? How would you feel if all you had to look forward to was fear? Not knowing whether you'd sleep on the fucking concrete or get lucky enough to find some cardboard to lay on? How would you feel if you didn't know how you were gonna get food? How would you feel if you had to deal with this for years, and yet, throughout all of it, you have a special little something, something that no one else had, a pretty little light inside of you that made the cold warm and made everything a little more bearable? How would you feel if that pretty little light was one of the few things in the world that you had that was good? How would you feel if that pretty little light - colorful and wonderful and comforting and pretty - was one of the only things you had in this fucking world?"

She ignored the numbness in her shoulder, smacking the gray girl's hand away as she touched her. She didn't even notice the numbness; it was an intimately familiar feeling, so much so that it didn't even register, not when she was so angry. Instead, with an angrier look, she continued her reply, taking a step forward to get more in the gray girl's face.

"How would you feel if, just when your life is getting better; you have an apartment, food, a bed, and a fucking finace that's made you feel less like shit, made your whole world even brighter than your pretty little light, your pretty little light, which is pretty much the only thing you have for year's is suddenly taken away? How would you feel if pretty much the only thing you had in the world is torn away from you and scars over? How would you feel if your pretty little light, which you could use almost all day every day, you could use to fight, to run, can suddenly barely make a puff?"

Suddenly, Luzia took a step closer, getting into the personal space of this girl, glaring even angrier up at this girl. "How would you feel after that pretty little light you had is ripped away from you, apparently fucking forever? How would you feel if you almost died from the thing that caused it, and you weren't sure whether you were lucky or not? How would you feel when, you get that news, you kind of feel like wearing black for awhile? How would you feel, after all of that, some random bitch in a coffee shop walks up to you and says, 'Hey, you look like a fuck. Stop faking your shit, I'm better at being depressed than you'? How would you feel, HUH?!"

After her barrage of questions, Luzia huffed and panted; her anger made her chest hurt. It wasn't big, it was just a pang, but it still hurt, enough to tell Luzia to try to relax... but how was she supposed to do something like that when a bitch like this was in front of her? Her body was almost as big a fuck as this chick. For a moment, things were quiet, Luzia glaring up at this girl, shooting a defiantly fierce look right back at the girl, practically in her face. The girl started raising her hand, and Luzia fucking dared her to hit her. Hit an invalid, go ahead; it made perfect fucking sense to get beaten up after all this shit. Hit her, go ahead, it only made fucking sense!

But, instead of a good hard hit against her cheek, the girl rubbed her neck, and Luzia snorted as she stepped out of her personal space. A part of her was relieved; she didn't like pain, she didn't want more, but a another part of her was disappointed. It almost didn't feel right for the world to not kick her while she was down. Luzia paid attention to her words, though, actually listening to her this time, though it was kind of hard to care. Boo hoo, she didn't feel emotions, what a fucking tragedy; that's exactly what she wanted right n-

Luzia grunted in surprise when, all of a sudden, a numbness exploded through her body. It wasn't like the numbness she was used to, though... it went deeper. It wasn't just the pain in her chest that was gone, the pain in her heart was gone. All the stress, all the anger... it wasn't gone, but it was like... it was numbed over, like she was high but without the happy... it just... didn't matter anymore. It... it didn't, did it?

Awed, she looked around, not even noticing yet the paint dripping on the wall. She was too distracted by everything... the sky wasn't as blue anymore... the dumpster wasn't quite as green... even the ground wasn't as biege as it was just a few moments before.There was... no color at all in this world... or... most of them at least. She finally looked back to the gray girl, who was even grayer somehow, and noticed the wall. Without thinking, she steppeed forward, reaching out to the wall and touching it. It wasn't paint; it felt similar, but... it felt different, too... it was hard to describe, but she just knew that it was different enough to not be paint exactly.

''Do you see this wall? This is you, and it's something I could never have, and never will, I hate to say it, but I truly am envious of you, stranger, envious of having life.''

Luzia numbly looked to the girl, blinking slowly at her. Suddenly, she made a little more sense... living in a world without color at all...? Having it taken away was one thing, but to never have it in the first place? Luzia could only imagine what kind of hell that was... but... she still wanted it... it just felt right... her colors, her quirk, wasn't entirely gone, but with what she could do before, it might as well be. It was stolen from her... and probably forever, too.

"I still want it," she said, her eyes moving to the wall again. That was her; she still had color, but it wasn't the best color, it wasn't her, it was only part of her. "I want this feeling, I want to be numb, I want to not see color... just for a little while..." She reached behind her; it was a struggle, but, she managed to unzip herself, just enough to lower her dress. She wasn't trying to flash the girl, she just wanted to show what was the problem; one wound, not even fully healed, almost right over her heart - and intersecting with a now-gray tattoo of what used to be a heart. It was a stab wound, right over her lifeblood, and the area around it was highly unattractive, too; bruised still, and red, if it wasn't for the quirk it would be a myriad of colors in its own right, but instead if was just a grayed sickly, an ugliness that showed she nearly lost her life, and lost something even bigger in the process.

"I don't want to feel like this forever... and I'm sorry you do, but... I just... it's hard... I don't want to feel... I just... I don't know how to describe it to you, but. I just want to show how empty I feel inside, how cold I am. I don't want to feel like this forever, but... right now... I do. You can understand that, right? Just a little, maybe? Don't hate me because I want to be gray for a little bit, please... my quirk was so colorful, it was like all the neon signs in the city... if you had a quirk where you could paint colors on whatever you wanted, even the air, and it was suddenly gone, you'd want to be gray for a little bit too, right?"

Her voice was numbed, but it wasn't quite numb. So many things in the world suddenly didn't matter anymore, but she was naturally someone that felt, even if it was suppressed, even if it was fake. A mournful tone was in her voice, like she had lost a family member. Regardless of the other girl's answer, she fixed her clothing, taking the zipper and pulling it back up despite it being on the back. Nao was clever, disguising the zipper as another ribbon, so she could unzip and zip it on her own without help.

For a moment, she turned her eyes back to the wall, but even when numbed, it was too painful to look at. It was her, yeah, she wasn't completely colorless, but... it wasn't her. Not completely. It was colorful, but it wasn't bright. "Please don't hate me," she repeated, looking back to the gray stranger. "I understand you, just... understand me too, please...."

This was... perfect. The pain, not just the pain in her chest, was so far away; it was still there, but it was like it was from a week ago, it was like it was someone else's problem now, even if it was still her own. Her problems weren't her problem anymore... for now, at least. It was like morphine but without the happy... but, for now, at least, she didn't want the happy; she wanted to be depressed, she wanted to be numb. She didn't want to be happy. Still, despite being numb, despite being damn near emotionless for real now, she couldn't stop herself from smirking a little bit. 'Even someone with the greatest pain can't live on painkillers'... yeah, right. She was proof against that; that was her life, that was her happiness, and she'd live on them for as long as she damn well pleased.

...Still, though... despite it being hard to feel anything, she was relieved, she was happy when the girl said that she didn't hate her. That was a worry that she didn't have to worry about anymore. As she continued, Luzia looked down, putting her hands on her stomach in a doll-like pose, working for several moments to get it just right, to look more like a doll, not looking up until she heard something about colors. That little smile she had faded, the little fun she was having gone, but it didn't feel like it was ripped out of her hands... more like... it just dripped between her fingers. It was like she barely had it in the first place.

"It was," she said simply, almost callously, as she turned away. She strolled out of the alley, closing her eyes as she took a deep breath, or at least, what qualified as a deep breath in her state. This felt right, this felt good. "I will," she said, more sweetly than before, though still laced with the indifference of her state. She reached up, fixed her hat, and started to move away.

"Thank you, miss, for everything."