Fry Guys [Saga]

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She should have known better than to be surprised by Kirk’s choice. You didn’t get to know a guy for as long as she had without knowing that he knew how to run a bank account. And yet, Mount Murica warranted the occasional raised eyebrow. Eh. If he didn’t call out the salt shaker in her hand, then she wouldn’t voice her thoughts. She did let her feelings on his lack of table manners show on her face, but not too much. It was pretty par for the course with him, after all.[break][break]

“It’s not the best show of a hero-in-training’s self-control… But hey, I’d held it together up until then, when I almost stabbed myself in the face and all.” Her smile remained as she popped a fry into her mouth. The side of the mountain facing her had, naturally, been doused in a layer of salt to keep her fuelled. [break][break]

“VR’s not bad for experiencing new things, no! When you go to big game stores, they have model scenarios to really sell you on the idea. Stuff like balancing on a wooden beam between two skyscrapers. Stuff like that would be really useful for helping students overcome their fear of heights and stuff. But at the same time, we can do that with Ground Alpha and a flying pro. Slightly more traumatizing, but same end result, right?” As always, it was easy for her to be relaxed when neither of them were in danger… But her smile teetered between that and callous. Perhaps her next words would shed light on the matter, once she’d given herself a few seconds to think them through.[break][break]

“You gotta learn to laugh at yourself, if you’re going to put your face out there as much as I do. Or at least learn to take it on the chin, you know? It’s one of the first things you have to learn, if you ask me, and I think a few of the guys at our school could stand to understand it. People on the internet, behind a screen where they don’t have to answer for what they say… They turn into real assholes.” Her smile took a turn for the bittersweet; a quick sip of her milkshake served to mask that. Peanut butter, of course – for the added sodium. Either the taste or a few seconds to calm herself made sure her lips were more genuine when she continued.[break][break]

“I was pretty young when I started showing myself online, but it doesn’t matter how old you are or what you’re doing. Somebody out there will have problems with you and what you’re up to, and they’ll find the worst way to let you know. It’s even worse if you give them a reason to make fun of you… So you don’t.”[break][break]

“That’s my secret, Bluster. Never let them see that you’re hurting.” She pointed a fry at him to punctuate her words; it was slipped into her mouth a moment later. “It’s a lot easier said than done, but when you really get into the swing of it, everybody thinks you’re invincible, and since you think it too, you kind of are!” Even talk of playing the part managed to draw out her signature smile – self-assured, almost to a fault. Still, not a bad trait for a soon-to-be hero to have.[break][break]

“The day that you see me, on camera, looking hurt or tearing up… You’ll know that things are really bad.” With that, she reached for her burger, finally ready to take a bite. Just short of it entering her mouth, she stopped. Her brow knitted, she lowered it, and gave the boy a confused stare. “Anyway, I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Her voice, a little louder than before, almost sounded offended. “Mister Third-Best-Student, asking me for advice?” A melodramatic scoff summed up her feelings on the matter. "I've got half a mind to turn the tables on you." Before she could say something she’d come to regret, she allowed herself a taste of the burger. Just like that, her face turned its shock and surprise from the boy to her meal. It packed so much flavour! So much food stuffed between two buns! It was as if the flavour had a life of its own! It was-[break][break]

“Not bad,” she muttered.

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Their school had a knack for trials by fire. What better way to learn combat than to try taking down a hero better than you? How will you know you’ve mastered fire safety without being dropped in the middle of an inferno at least once? It was no surprise that the students left in their year favoured – or rather, had learned to favour – the full experience. That, and they tended to make for the best stories.[break][break]

Still, a VR room wasn’t a half bad idea for training. She’d have to write that one down.[break][break]

On to more pertinent matters, such as herself and her persona. She’d managed to get half her point across, but then her friend trailed off into cheering and-[break]
Right. It was Kirk. Sport analogies always won out with him.[break]
She cocked a smirk at his quirk. She used the fry in her hand to draw small circles in the air, while she tried to figure out how she’d explain on his terms. “It’s like… When you’re watching baseball. No, wrestling’s probably better for this. When you’re not playing on a team, you’ve got a lot more time to let yourself shine. That’s the big thing with wrestling, right? I’m not an expert- it never really appealed to me- but it seems like the biggest guys in wrestling are all playing up characters, right? It’s not just their skill they’re showing off, it’s their personality. And sure, if you want that personality to be a guy that looks sad and beats themselves up when they mess up, you can do that. Some people might even like it. But-“[break][break]

She paused to take another bite out of her burger. Not because the oversized grease ball was good. No, of course not. She was just giving Kirk a few moments to process her words. Her smile? Irrelevant. “I don’t think that’ll go down well for pro-heroes. At least, not the kind of pro you’re trying to be. Big giant beacon of strength like you shouldn’t be wasting time being seen moping about what went wrong, right? Like, you’re allowed to say that you made a mistake, but if you want people to look up to you all the time, you can’t let them get you down too much.”[break][break]

“There’s an ancient proverb passed through the generations: don’t feed the trolls. You never feed the trolls. There will always be somebody out there trying to bring you down, and you’ll never get rid of all of them. But as long as you don’t take the bait and don’t let them get to you, you’ll at least keep their numbers down. Once you show them that their words get to you, it’ll only get worse. I’ve learned that lesson the hard way so you don’t have to.” No doubt, there was a story or seventeen behind those words, but judging by the girl’s preoccupation with her milkshake, it would be told another time. [break][break]

“Anyway. Sports. So if you’re a pro-hero, the people of Japan are like your audience, right? And eventually you want parts of the audience to be your fans, and to do that, you need to look like a cool guy to hang out with. And, if I may say so myself, you are a pretty cool guy to hang out with, so you can roll with that. After all, people like you for who you are, don't they?"[break][break]

"There’s a whole thing on it online – parasocial relationships -, but the gist of it is that if you act like their bro enough, they’ll believe it even if you’ve never met them. Like, don’t you have a sports legend you’d just love to be sitting at this table, talking about nothing with? Even though you don’t know much about them personally? The human mind’s a weird thing.” Not that she was complaining. It was those same mind tricks that helped make streamers famous, and she wasn’t innocent when it came to making the most of them.[break][break]

It was always great to be told that her words reached a friend, and Emi was happy to revel in it. A self-assured smile and a raise of her eyebrows said what words wouldn’t – ‘Yeah, I know.’
Something about his response to her outburst caught her off-guard; the mild surprise showed on her face and in her sudden pause. It wasn’t how well he took it – no, that was classic Kirk – but how little he seemed to worry about asking for aid. Too late, she realised that her pride had gotten the best of her again. There she was, scheming ways to shift the conversation to what ate at her mind, only for her friend to prove once again that his simple option was the best one. All she had to do was ask.[break][break]

But asking meant being open, and honest, and maybe a little vulnerable, and she had just told him how important it was to never show weakness. What little of a smile remained on her face, replaced with a contemplative frown. If there was anybody she was going to trust with her thoughts, then it had to be her friend, right? But if he thought her words were stupid or silly-[break][break]
He wouldn’t. He never had.[break]
But she’d test the waters to be safe.[break][break]

Emi closed her eyes and took a deep breath in. She was being ridiculous, and she knew it, but that didn’t help her to feel at ease. “I think I’m good with my voice, buddy. I’m not gonna get any more fans by deafening them.” Half a smile forced itself onto her face. “But I think there is… something else you could help me with.” Her head had cocked down a little – not nearly enough to break eye contact, but the tilt was a slight yet stark shift from the Emi she chose to show the world. That, and she'd long since stopped touching her food, preoccupied with whatever weighed on her mind.

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A hint of offense in his voice prompted a raised eyebrow from Emi – the kind that pointed out that he was doing the exact thing they were trying to avoid. “Right. But it’s really easy for people that don’t really know you to emphasize parts of you in their head, if they stand out. So, if we can help it, let’s try not to give them that chance.” A small smile completed her point, and hopefully helped to ensure he knew she meant well.[break][break]

“Maybe you might need to be a slightly… tamer bro, to start off with. No headlocking strangers right off the bat and all that. Most people won’t appreciate that, but it is a way to leave an impression. Give it some time, maybe. You’ll get a hang for these things the more you do it – trust me.” It was hard for her to miss the irony in her predicament. How had she ended up offering advice on how to be more liked to another person? [break][break]

She fell silent. His words weren’t lost on her. If anything, they helped to calm her nerves a little. Even if she knew her pride was working against her, it didn’t make it much easier for her to move past it. Perhaps, instead of defeating it, she could continue to put her faith in the boy.[break][break]

The result… wasn’t the best look for Emi. Not in her eyes, at least. She much preferred to be the poster girl for self-confidence, not a teen suddenly struggling to meet the eyes of her friend; a girl with thoughts to share, but stuck with a mouth that wouldn’t voice them. Irritation flickered onto her face. Not at him, of course, but she worked hard to make sure the world knew she was stronger than what she was in that moment.[break]
People lived like that, every day. Meek, indecisive, and weak. God, she hated it.[break]
So she needed to get it over with.[break][break]

Eyes closed. Deep breath. Hesitant words began to explain her act:[break]
“You’ve been having trouble getting people you don’t know to like you. I’ve been…” A hand on the table clenched into a fist. For a moment, she seemed set to stop herself, brush the whole thing off as a weird episode. Determination won out, and she continued. Not easily, judging by how strained the next word was, and how eager she was to look anywhere except at him.[break][break]

“-Struggling, with getting the people I do know to… think I’m good? As a student, I mean. I guess as a friend as well… But one thing at a time, maybe. Forget I mentioned that part.” A light shake of the head helped her to keep her thoughts in order. “I mean, this is our third year. The last year of school any of us will ever have, and it’s like… I haven’t done enough. I hoped that I had-” The words went from slipping out to spilling out. Her other hand pressed itself against the table.[break][break]

“But then I look at all of you guys, cleaning up in the Festivals, having the entire school vote you as one of the best we have, picking up sponsors from huge companies, and meanwhile I’m… just a third-year. I know-“ She’s quick to cover up her defences. “I know it’s stupid. I already told myself that. But it doesn’t stop me thinking about how we’re all going to be graduating in a few months, and I’m going to come out of that as… nothing special. I didn’t spend one-sixth of my life on this to be remembered as ‘average’.” Finally, she came to take a breath. Somewhere in her speech, she had remembered to meet his eyes, but it had little to do with her usual confidence. She had conviction, at least, in her final words and how frustrated they left her feeling.[break][break]

“I have to do better. I need to. And I don’t know how.”

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As it happened, doing next to nothing was one of the best things he could have done. Even after their discussion had come to an end, Emi wouldn’t know how to describe to somebody the relief that came from being listened to. A strange sentiment from somebody that had almost made a career out of talking into a webcam, but much to the girl’s chagrin, it wasn’t the same. A thousand emotes from names she would never match faces to could hardly compare to one, two, or a few friends she knew, hearing her honest feelings and taking them seriously. [break][break]

He had a point. A lot of good points, actually. About not brushing off her own worries – a pre-emptive defence, just in case he’d thought them silly too. Why had she thought that he would? Then there was the time they had to work with – half a year and change. She’d knew better than most what could be accomplished in that time, so why had she been stressing so much? Doubt and dismay had eaten away at what should have been an endless font of confidence, and that was where her foolishness lay. It just took another person’s words for her to realise it.[break][break]

And so Emi smiled. It was weak, far from complete, but it was tangible proof that he’d managed to ease her woes some. An obligatory sports analogy helped to ease the tension too. As silly as it sounded, he wasn’t exactly wrong. Most top athletes didn’t fall into the back lines halfway through their race… But hey, the best time to start planting a tree was a year ago. The second-best time was right there, right now.[break][break]

The girl sighed, and with it a little more of her nerves seemed to disperse in the air. She wasn’t trying to bore holes into the table with her fingers, for one, and she seemed a little more eager to look her friend in the eye. “Well when you say it like that, it sounds so simple.” A hollow, single laugh escaped her. “You’re not wrong though. Probably. I’ve got time. I know that now, I just… let myself panic about it. Needed a friend to bring me back down to Earth.” She allowed herself a few seconds to mull her thoughts over… Long enough for her to remember her drink! And food! She was supposed to be eating a meal, and it was getting colder by the second![break][break]

“I dunno, man. If I knew what people wanted to see from me, I wouldn’t be driving myself up the wall about this. Isn’t this supposed to be the stuff you’re good at?” The polls didn’t lie, after all. “I already spend most of my day either in class, training or working on my web stuff. Part of me thinks I’m going to have to drop it soon anyway. There’s no way I could be a pro hero playing Drop Boys on the side, right?” It was a part of her life she wasn’t so eager to get rid of, judging by her tone of voice. “Besides, I need that time to start doing business. Trying to see if I can’t get a company to start making Halo merch… Not that that matters if I’m not a stand-out pro. And that doesn’t help me much now anyway.” Her palm rested itself on her cheek, while her other hand helped itself to a French fry. [break][break]

“So until then, I need people to see me as a hero-to-be worth watching, or at least the students… But we aren’t allowed to do hero stuff unless we’re on internships, and then what am I going to do? Set up crimes for me to stop in front of a camera?” A slow shake of her head saved Kirk the trouble of shutting her down. “I guess I could stand to do more about the school. Talk to more of the students or something, and not just in the chatrooms. Try to be more than ‘that girl with the camera’, if that’s still an option…” There she was, muttering and slipping her way back into darker trains of thought. The fry went uneaten, slowly drooping back towards the table as she went on. Perhaps it was telling of how much time she’d spent talking to herself, seeing how easily she trailed off into a one-man conversation.

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Nobody had ever called Kirk eloquent, but he’d done a good job of showing that occasionally, the answer didn’t need to be told with word wizardry. So what had her eyes darting about this time? Not out of a lack of confidence, but to search for the answer, as if she could see it manifesting if she just looked hard enough.[break][break]

It wasn’t until her friend showed self-awareness that she seemed to find it. Her lips curled upwards. It wasn’t a grin – far from it -, but the kind of smile that welcome a long-lost friend, or perhaps a lost truth. Her epiphany was so obvious, it made her want to kick herself, and yet she didn’t feel the need to scream it out loud.[break][break]

Kirk was able to finish without interruption, even if she looked very ready to share her conclusion before he’d made it halfway. “You hit the nail on the head there, Bluster… And I feel like an idiot for having to wait until you said it. You are loud. That’s the first thing anybody ever says about you.” A finger tapped twice against the table, as if to make a point of those words in her head.[break][break]

“And it works. It’s one thing to do good and heroic things, but if nobody’s watching- I mean, I’m not saying nothing’s worth doing if nobody sees it, but if you’re trying to stand out, announcing what you’re doing to everybody sure as hell helps. You don’t even think about doing it – you just do. There’s the trick.”[break][break]

She extended an accusing finger towards him as she went on. “Whatever you’re doing, make it loud. That’s part of how to become a top student.” The hand came to rest at her side shortly after, but the energy it held was just as present in her eyes. She’d found her fire again, and she was all too eager to share.[break][break]

“Being loud isn’t hard with a camera, if you know how. And I do know how. I’ve just been slacking on it. I need to get off my ass. Less whining, more doing something about it. Geez… I really let myself slack on that.” Emi fell back into her oversized seat, letting out a sigh that seemed to take most of her troubles with it. There she lay, staring at the ceiling for a good five seconds, before-[break][break]

“This. Was a good talk. And good food, I guess.” It would likely be the only time he’d hear her admit to anything so greasy being edible, so he’d have to savour it. “But mostly the talk. It really helps to hear the right words from a friend, you know? I’d be stuck running circles in my head for weeks if it wasn’t for you."[break][break]

Finally, she remembered to eat a little. She made no effort to hide a relieved smile as she enjoyed her burger, and after a few seconds to clear her mouth, she continued. “I’ll need to figure out the details still, but I’ve got a strength there, and not trying to play to it would be idiotic. It’d be like asking you to be quiet. Not that people haven’t tried, but still.” Her joke managed to get a few laughs out of her before she went on. “I guess what I’m trying to say is… Thanks, Kirk. You really helped me get out of my funk. Dunno what I’d have done without you, and all that.”[break][break]

She did her best to avoid the ‘sappy talk’. If anybody asked her, she’d claim that it had everything to do with keeping up a reputation, and vehemently deny a lack of experience in being open with others. One of the many downsides of spending years talking at a screen. Saying anything at all had been a struggle, and it showed, but with the right person and the right words, she was one step closer to realising talking about herself – beyond what she wanted the cameras to know – didn’t have to be the end of the world.

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