La conversación (Narcissa)

What if he hurt himself? Would he always be able to regenerate the problem? What would he do? What happens, she wasn't sure if she would find anything. She heard a scream of Hey when she just passed, it wasn't legal to drive with her motorcycle in the park. She was doing it as slow as she could. But she wouldn't want to make this go wrong, she just wanted this to be the right thing to do. If he trusted her... but he didn't trust her enough. He was older but than again she never asked his age. God why didn't he tell her when they talked about quirks, was it that way? Was the regeneration making him look younger or something? Narcissa clearly did not want to think about it. She had logged out, called for a family emergency at her work and tried to get out but that is not how it worked. She just felt nauseous.

She watched them, from a short distance. Started at them and she felt it. It hurt so much, then why say it? Why do you say you trust someone but you were not honest. She did not want her lower lip to tremble or her eyes to tear up so she just looked at them. The girl in her frivolous clothes disappearing. Of course, of bloody course. She looked away, a younger thing would go along longer right, her skin so pure and white. She did not belong here, she knew that. She wasn't sure what she would say or do it was just that, just standing there, tiptoeing to hold the motorcycle up. This was going to end all of it right. God why was she so stupid, it made no sense at all. She heard someone yell at her that her motorcycle wasn't allowed here and that they would call the cops and before she knew it, the cat dragged the person near her and pulled her against the cycle. "I am not driving, I am standing still, there are no rules about that." She hissed and let go and stared at her. This was going to ruin her whole act and everything. But why care, it did not matter, she lost everything before she started. She became weak, weak to everyone so why not spit it out. "Well at least you are not bleeding to death." She called out to Antonio, looking as mad as she felt.

She was so angry and she just stared at him and his sarcasm. What was it on his face? No expression at all, she was just giving up to everything. She was seeing things that weren't there, a hired assassin wouldn't know how to tell feelings, it wouldn't be on his face. She wanted things that weren't there. She just wanted him to be honest with her, trust wasn't the same and so on. She would never be that thing, that pretty precious thing. Besides, maybe she was twice her age or whatever. She was getting too old right. She made a humpf sound as he said he had tried and she looked at the switchblade, leaning back on her motorcycle. So he changed. He changed to the weapons she used, the blade instead of the guns he praised so much and they fought about before. She didn't want to think about it. Cissa took a deep breath and just stared at him before she noticed the flick of his wrist.

She jumped off her motorcycle, made it wobble, hopping around before she got her leg over and holding his wrist with the blade and the one that got hurt. Blood on her hands as she fell down in front of the bench. "Why? What does that matte? You have people around, your boss and so all, it is not about age now, you can go on for more than normal people, but we normal people, we are around too." She might be angry and hurt but her eyes were slightly panicking, checking his wrist as she let him clean it but she took the switchblade. "Stop being so selfish." She did not know what else to say it was just this... it was just nothing. Why try to touch people, work with people when you just try to cut your wrist off?

She took a deep breath and wanted to say that's exactly what she thought but she couldn't get a word in. She just stared at him, on her knees in front of the bench. She should get up, she should listen to him but he didn't get it. Ha, she could not help but let out a cold laugh sound, it wasn't that he got it and she remembered that she was offended by his freebee months ago. She did not know what to say and just watched him talk and she wanted him to stop. She did not want to hear anything of it. She wanted to be selfish. She understood he meant Giovanni, she did not want to know. She did not want to know about anything from him, she did not want to get attached and more heartbroken then she could be at this point. He had a wife, he had children, he was looking for the youngest ones. She should understand, but she did not want to know anything.

"You are selfish because we are here and you refuse to look at us? You don't want to be in solitary confinement? Than don't push us away. Whomever you want, we are here now, we aren't dead yet. I don't know how often it will happen to you, but people get sick, people betray each other. You don't want to see us for who we are, you don't want to look at your children growing older than you? That's too bad, because that means you would have to go into the amazon or any other place where there is no one. Just accept you look different, that you look younger and maybe take your life when you think you had enough, but you are only fifty. So what. I am thirty, I am not going to sit and cry by myself because I met a girl who is only fifteen." She took a deep breath, it was not going to reach his mind was it? But she had to, she had to point out what it was going to mean if he did not stop wallowing in self pity at this point, nothing was going to happen, "So what Giovanni is thirty now too or whatever his age is. He isn't dead yet and it might take at least seventy more years before he is. So what if he looks old and bad, as long as you can be friends, isn't that it? Who knows what plastic surgery does to us in fifty years." She took a deep breath, she felt ridiculous. Why was she pleading to this person, what did it matter? He wasn't important to her, she wasn't important to him, he just pointed that out. Yes she had felt flattered but it wasn't about her.

She tried to be patient, to explain that he shouldn't put them away yet, they weren't dead yet. But what he said next, yelling at her and looking at her, straight in her face, right in her eyes made her breath stop. No, she didn't get it because she did not want to get it. Her whole face showed that fear, no. No, he couldn't feel that she couldn't do that to him. She slowly shook her head, the whole thing made her stand up and turn her back to him. No, it was just an explanation at this point. He did not know her, he didn't care, he didn't know, he would never know. She bit her lip, she should say something, this wasn't about them. "But don't you think it will hurt..." us... No she couldn't say that, "Giovanni if you already push him away? Or everyone else you know. That is the only thing I mean. No one wants to suffer, but maybe you can suffer together, don't you think it will hurt for us to know that we are leaving you behind in fifty or sixty years." She could not speak as loudly as he had done, she could only shrug it off as if it did not matter to her but it did.

She wasn't sure what everything meant to her, she couldn't imagine what it did to her. She did not want to think about it, considering he did not know her, he said he trusted her but he didn't. She had expected that girl or something, she did not want to consider this, not at all. She did not want to think about it, but the words painful idea kept echoing in her mind. She wished, she wished so hard that last year someone said that to her. That she wasn't shipped off to a foreign country to make up for her mistake, to be here and be hurt because she did not belong anywhere.

She looked over her shoulder, he was still sitting. It was surely just an explanation of his situation because she did not get it. He did not know her, he wouldn't miss her. He could find easily another bimbo to waltz over him like she tried. The girl might be an example, she just expected him to have more class, but well... maybe she was mistaken in her own capacity and looks. Narcissa had no idea how pleading she looked, she wished something happened, but he did not look at her and she did not know what to say at all. She turned her body a little, "Maybe you should stop pushing us away?" She couldn't speak loudly , she couldn't do anything because she did not even understand what she felt at this point anyway but the fact was that he looked broken. She did not want him to look broken, she counted on him for many things, not that anything jumped up in her mind yet.

"Maybe you could ask a doctor, maybe they can figure out somethings for you, or let us research for you, it is just that at this point you want not to be alone but you won't let us be there?" Us. She noticed, she should correct herself, quickly change it to Giovanni and other people you know but she couldn't get it over her lips. She didn't want to feel attached, she wasn't. It would be nonsense. What could she do, she turned a little more, her hands still crossed in front of her chest, their eyes met. She tried to give a wry smile, "Shall I go?" Would he be honest with her, what did he want, why were people lying and toying with her feelings? She wished that she was made of steal.

She did not like the look on his face. She had seen it before, often enough in her own face and went to quickly sit next to him on the bench and took his hand. "I can never know what you feel but don't punish yourself or push yourself away from everyone. That's what you want to avoid, not what you want to create." She swallowed, with difficulty, not knowing what to say anymore, she understood that he felt vulnerable and that is what he shouldn't feel. She should stay away from him, it was not that she could a hundred per cent trust him, right? Even if he said so to her, there was no way that this would work. She even suggested a doctor of some sorts, she had money enough if that helped him, she did not know why she would think so but oh god she needed to stop thinking like an idiot.

"But what-" But she did not think because Antonio looked at her to explain ParaSyte and she bit her lip. She nodded, had not read all of it but it was something. "I don't know any yet but I could maybe figure it out or maybe opt it to ParaSyte, maybe she knows? I know she is censored but she is also a child in a very dangerous place, she could just say things without any idea of the consequences, some words might not be an issue that they are like that, as long as she gets her freedom if she turns older." She almost said when, but considering the conversation, accuracy at this point was important. But yes, scientists weren't trustworthy. But she would just listen, she had already let go of him and scooted a little away, she wasn't sure if she was still upset or literally afraid herself, what did it matter after all. "You are not." But she said it very softly while Antonio continued that she is just a child, he probably had not heard her, which was fine.

"I ask you," she said and looked at him while she got up, "I don't know if I made the right decision." Should she have come at all, did he want to see her, she looked at him, a little distance again but what did she want or what did he expect of her. "Maybe I am in your way right now."

She still had a bit of blood on her hands that she finally wiped away with a tissue that she threw casually in the trashcan next to her before she turned her attention to Antonio and nodded. Kinda cute, how he struggled with the proper sentence. She had not noticed before he had issues like she had, being here only half a year some times was quite... tiring and extending to her knowledge of Japanese. Mostly because her vocabulary was only related to work-related items and you did not talk about being a monster, killing and so on. So surely it went a little further than that she was used to. "Yes, please do." She mumbled and looked away, it felt a bit weird to do so and she offered him the switchblade again that she still had, albeit now on her lap that she sat down on the bench. She wasn't sure what more to say, then she gave the advice of a doctor but understood his repulsive concept about it, they might misuse it.

However, her normal personality showed up when her face made a scowl as he asked for a favour. She did not like that but on the other hand he was hurt so she should just listen to the favour and well, it would give her something. Besides ParaSyte said she was pretty so Narcissa felt a little boast of her vanity and ego. "I can try if that makes you more at ease." She nodded though and looked at him. She had mentioned something and she hoped he missed it, that she had said he wasn't a monster. But he did not, asking her even if she was sure and she looked away. "I am." He was raised like that, he was made like that, he had just told her part of his past but she could not tell him anything. If anything, Narcissa was the monster. She betrayed everyone, especially now, only because they hurt her. Her family hurt her and she would believe no one in the world deserved to be okay and happy over something like being a hero. Who was the vulgar one in this situation hm? The nasty, the bad. It was the woman sitting there.

"I don't know either." Narcissa looked up when he told her she wasn't in his way or that both of them did not know what the right decision was. "I think I will go though, I left work without saying something." She put her hand on his cheek and lifted up his face to look at her, and she gave him a small smile, "Let it go." Was all she said before she gave him a soft kiss, very shortly and she got up again. She moved over to her motorcycle, pushing that thing towards the exit of the park. A few times she looked over her shoulder, not entirely sure if she was doing right, but she could not say more. She felt twisted and vile, she could not say anything more, so she should go back, put that mask back up and just be the ambassador.