When The Levi Breaks [I Have No Where Else To Stay]

God why was she like this?

For starters, there was a million reasons why she was. Stripped from her childhood only made her chase fantasies. She lived in tall tales about heroes from a mysterious man. She had been subjected to being, well, a subject. She had seen the dark truth of Japan, and the people who survived. She had seen what the public, and the government felt about quirkers. She had been trying to survive since she was a child. She never had time to enjoy herself, much less understand. She was a feral beast, domesticated by choice. She wanted to live in the houses like the other cats, but she knew she could never get rid of her fangs. She needed them. . . just in case she needed to save the others from danger.

Hearing him answer, was oddly comforting. Though a look of greater confusion would pass over Kasey only followed by a look of understanding. All of the pieces fell into place.

"Oh, because Freddy was... OH." Did Leviathan know? Was that why she had taken so much time? Was it to make him comfortable? Or maybe they were just good friends? Did he tell anyone else? Was this new? No, he wasn't coming out to her... right? Oh god, does his parents know?

Her mind flooded with wordless emotions only to ground herself at the mention of dog shampoo. Would that work on people? Could Kasey also smell the same niceness? The mention of the band was something that would cause her ears to perk up, and with it, regain her sense of self. She moved a bit away, soon realizing how strange it was to have a woman in a child's arms. Though, he would soon be a hero. He wasn't a child anymore. When she was his age she was...

"That's what heroes do." Kasey would say. When all was failing, he was trying to hold everyone together. She would sit comfortably beside him, her arms wrapped around her legs once more. A position she found herself in, all throughout her life. Something, she had found comfort in. The comfort of herself, and the company of another voice. She rested her head upon her knees as she smiled.

"Even if you fail, you try. Even when you know you'll fail, you'll still try." She stared off into the sky, watching the colors change and shift with the setting sun. "I can't change what happened but... I can change what will happen." Her eyes dried, all of her sadness removed, as she let her self be filled with love. ". . . She wanted to be a singer. She might not be able to but..." she reached out, a hand extended towards the sky as she tried to pull the clouds. Sadly, she would not succeed.

". . .But I can. And I'll do it for her." She would turn to face the boy, only to repeat words she had read a few times before. So many pages, but so few would remain remembered, forever.

"'Never will a heart break even.
Never will it be a clean cut.
Only in time will it heal as a whole,
Even then, it will still hurt.'"
She smiled, her eyes falling upon the book. A memory of both her failures, and her success. She would learn to cope, and with it, rise to be the hero Monochrome could no longer. "Lives are no measured from your first, to your final breath. Lives are measured from the day someone sees you, to the last day you are remembered." She closed her eyes, and exhaled. "I will not forget.

. . . Will you?"

Masking. Code switching. Maybe it was a normal thing for people to do. But was it normal for her? Setsuna hadn't even gotten involved much, was that the reason? Was he her anchor into reality? Was he a functioning conscience to her? Or was he just another voice in her head? Did staying mostly silent cause her mind to shift into phases and stages of madness? From tears, to confessing strange things to talking purely from her soul, which part of her was trying to feel? Or was all of this, all the broken pieces of her trying to stick back together? There was much to speculate on, but would not cross her mind for another few days. It was too much for her to process. Trying to be strong to let go, but keeping her word not to forget. What would win in her battle of ethics versus morals? Were they finally divided by a line so blurred that it was impossible to tell where one started and the other ended? Perhaps, it was just about him. Her mind at ease that she was able to say things she would never have said before.

"No, I get it." she would say, "When Cai-, I mean, Itsy does a lot of work." She narrowed her brows, a strange thing to consider. "Not just about crime, but helping people rebuild. I dunno. I don't really keep up with the news anymore. But there's been a lot I've seen with my own set of eyes. Sometimes the hero that helps you rebuild means more than the hero that took the villain out of your shop." To value not an unpaid debt of a saved life, but to honor someone who helped you start over your life when all was lost, what really was the difference anymore?

"I suppose. I think all poetry has a song though." She looked at the book before looking back at his face, "Maybe you aren't supposed to find a song for the words, but the song that the words tell you." Maybe there was a message. Maybe there was something meant to be found. Or it was nothing, just a wall of feelings and characters and letters that made people feel better after writing them. From Japanese haikus to word for word copies of existing poems, kept for treasure.

"It's probably cheesey or cliché," she struggled to find the words, "Maybe it's not about the song you listen to, but the song you feel."

Maybe all of this poetry talk was good for her. Maybe it was helping her grieve.

Words were words. Sometimes they had meaning, other times they spilled from her mouth like a waterfall. Rarely did it have meaning or worth. Often was it enough to make someone move on from the conversation. Perhaps words were something to think about in the coming moments, and not the instant you are told. But if that was true, what was the reason for a conversation? Time had passed. Yet it was like she didn't have any of the time she thought she had to think about the words spoken to her. "It's not okay to kill. It's okay to die." Wise words. But what did they mean? Was she bad? Or was the people she killed bad? Was it okay to be bad so everyone else could be good? Or was this all a warped way for her to play hero? Why couldn't she just save lives, instead of ending them? She could do that. Right?

Mutants were looked at by the same eyes, but each set of eyes saw them different. The more outlandish, sometimes the more herolike they appeared. Unobtainable physical mutations that made a hero a hero. Everyone had powers now, and everyone could buy a suit. But for a giant flying bug, or a half snake to fight crime, well, even without the costume you knew who they were. Why come up with an identity at that point? Everyone knew who you were? But she knew the reason Caitlyn did it, so why did she not think the same for the other heroes?

Heroes were, no, heroes are meant to be seen. They aren't supposed to hide and play clock and dagger. They have to be proud of what they look like, and what they can do. It's harder for a mutant to be proud of themselves, but it's easier for them to know what to be proud of. They weren't monsters, they were people too. In some cases, more than people, they were heroes. Even if they wanted to pretend to be a civilian like everyone else, they had a license that let them do more than the average citizen. The trade off, being held to a higher standard, just like the police, or the government or the military. It came with the authority. A system of checks and balances. It would be wrong for someone with that power, to abuse it, and it use it for evil things. It was wrong to see themselves immune to the standards of their partners and friends.

"I don't know if it helps, or makes it difficult, but..." she started, smiling, and continuing. "Sometimes I wonder what poems are poems and which are songs. When I read them, I don't hear my own voice read them, but hers." Kasey would laugh, "It's okay. I'm sure as long as you try your best, and you put your heart into it, she'll stick around and listen and be happy."

The sound of the phone, only made Kasey's interest pique. "If you have to be somewhere, I can drop you off if you'd like." she offered, "Or I could at least drop you to whatever stop you need. It's the least I can do." Saying it felt awkward and strange. They weren't strangers. Even without Levi she had her moments talking to the boy. But with her, felt just odd. It was as if she pulled her closer to the boy, yet stood between them holding them both at arm's length. Was it because she didn't want her personal life mixing with school? Did she want to keep it all separate?

She tried to keep smiling. She tried to laugh in the little moments between their words. If she smiled long enough, she could fool herself that she was happy. That it was all a funny joke. But it wasn't. Her life was dark. Her life was bleak. And ironically enough, the first person to see that she wasn't just black and white, was Levi.

"Sure." she would say, "Though, I don't know if you'd want someone as old as-" she paused for a moment looking down at her feet, and her hands. "Right, I'm not that much older than you, I forget that... a lot." She blinked a few times to snap back into things.

"Uhm, how's school?" Ah yes, the awkward question. Something asked just to fill the void of silence to move from one topic to another.

Good job Kasey.

She was tired. She was tired of work. She was tired of the lies. She was tired of the facade and playing pretend. She wasn't okay. She never was. She never would be. Anytime things looked good for her, they got worse. She freed herself and got a job. She had someone to call her brother, then she found herself doing crimes. She found family, but then took lives. She found peace, but she was at war with herself. There was always a struggle. It seemed pointless to try and escape from it. But if she stopped moving forward, she would drown. She would die from it all, and she would have nothing to show from it. Was this the life she was destined to have? What was the purpose of her suffering? If she couldn't escape from it, she had to at least free others. She had to ease the burden. If she was going to carry all of this weight and sink to the bottom, she was going to release everyone else's burdens too. If it meant she was going to sink faster, then that was alright. She was already going down. At least she could fall, knowing she kept others afloat. Maybe that would be her legacy.

She hadn't watched any shows in a long time. The celebrities were all fake. But also the idea of having her ex-girlfriend appear on screen wasn't appealing either. She wanted to forget it ever happened. All of it was complicated.

"Well, you still can't drink, so that still makes you a child to me." Seventeen. She knew it was a number. But in truth, spoken numbers still made little to no sense to her. But that was not something she could comfortably explain to the kid. She might have been a success in the eyes of others, but she was underwater, and she was a failure in her own eyes. Two sisters lost to the lives of criminals. One taken over and submitted, the other claimed and stolen.

Her brows narrowed at the mention of the company. Her thumb lifted to her lip as she bit down. That name left a sour taste in her mouth. She couldn't say much, it wasn't like Ketsujo was any better. They were robbing themselves to make fraudulent claims. How no one caught on yet was beyond her. She stayed silent as she listened to him. He said he was going to run back to Yuuei, but he lived off campus. So which was it?

No, he wasn't her little brother. She didn't need to babysit him. He didn't need her protection.

"No, I don't think so." she would say, staring off into the distance once more. "Sometimes when you grow up it's a slow progression. You take small steps until you get there, for others, it happens in one single event where your life turns around." One event. One sequence of torture upon endless nights. The feeling of fear. The desire for death.

"I always wanted to be a hero." she would say, again, soft tears dancing around the rim of her eyelids. They leaned over the edge, but refused to fall. "The one time I tried to do, to be the right thing. I lost almost everything." Semper Fi. A night she would never forget. There was so many variables, so many things to think about. So many lives in danger. She couldn't fail, but if she had used all of her skills, it would have put her in danger. But was it better to save herself, or others?

Everything the world said pointed to save the kids over herself. Yet, when she did, she lost her job. She lost the one thing that made her happy family so happy. She had no reason to stick around. Trying to force her way into a home she never really belonged to. She was an outsider.

She closed her eyes, rubbing them and tossing aside the mist towards the ground. "You're gonna be a good hero. I know it. Better than I could be."

Sorrow. For not the failure of what Kasey could not become. For the failure of what Levi could not be.

She had so much to say, yet nothing at all. So many words came out, but none of them meant anything. While the few she geld back, could have spoken volumes about the world. It was a small, harmless conversation about someone who had long been gone. A year ago, she walked the earth. A Year ago, she was buried. So few had turned up, but those that knew, understood.

Years no longer measured time, but experiences. In this time, in this world, people who were once infants, could be considered adults. Children became elderly. But few, remained as they were. High School was about finding yourself, and going through tough times. But was what happened at Semper Fi supposed to be in someone's personal experiences? Much less a student?

"Doing what heroes do, isn't legal for the rest of us. Doing what's right, isn't legal either." she said, her mind mind drifting past her sins, trying to wash clean off the blood she had stained her skin with. Her sins, were bound to her soul. She could never be cleansed of them.

"There's truth to that." she would say with a smile.

"Helps when you aren't locked away." The voice spoke, muffled from under her clothing. Something Kasey didn't mind, and was used to.

"Well, it's only against the law if you come out in pub-" the pause as her mind finally caught up to her actions.

"Wait," she looked over at the boy. ". . . did I ever introduce you to Setsuna?" and the questions would begin. A beast that protected her, even from evil she was unaware of. He wasn't just her subconscious, not as others had believed. He was his own entity. And he would never settle for less.

"... I am Setsuna." he would say from under her collar.

Like a child introducing their imaginary friend to their parents for the first time, Kasey sat eager to share part of her with the boy. They really weren't so much different from the view of the public, but in her own mind, there was years between them, not in age, but in experience.

"Sorry, I forget that people..." She lifted her right hand, and with a breath, her claws grew. Her left forearm exposed as she saw the easier option. The choice to bleed herself, the pain that reminded her of the life she did have. But thinking of the boy, his experiences, she had to find another way. "Right... no blood..." she closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. She lean her head back as she opened her mouth. She lifted a hand as if to tell him to wait a moment.

Her fangs grew, as a single tooth would extend past the others. She would close her mouth, the single fang extending into what would appear to be a long snake like creature. Setsuna would take a lesser preferred form, but an easy one to manage, that of a snake like creature. He would wrap himself loosely around Kasey's neck, before detaching from her tooth. His head, the same familiar skull, though, a new sight to the boy.

"A part? No. I am her quirk." he would try to explain, though, in doing do may have made things more complicated. "Without me, she is left again, only with her healing."

"And now I can form sentences without your judgement."

"Right. This is probably really really weird for uh..." he would look and inspect the boy for a moment. "Think of me, like her conscience. Though, I have a will of my own, and my own desires."

"That sounds bias."

"Well, I mean I could always find someone else to live in, but that would be no fun. Then it would be parasitic, and not symbiotic."

"Anyways... Chimera, Setsuna. Setsuna, Chimera." She looked away, from the both of them, her eyes trained on the sky.

It was so peaceful...

It was always complicated. In a world where people could breathe fire, have horns, fly, rise from the dead, it was her quirk that always seemed to be the hardest one to explain. It wasn't that it was complicated, it was just rather odd and strange compared to everyone else. Not many others had quirks that summoned creatures, and even less had sentient beings coexist with them. And those that did, often only existed when created, and wasn't in a constant motion, talking and existing, all the time, every day, all day. She was complicated, in a complex world.

"I've been called worse." he would answer. It wasn't often that quirks spoke for themselves, if they could at all. Most were just sounds, like a dog, or some other strange pet.

"Well I mean, I always had horns, even before him. Though my sister didn't..." She lingered on the thought. "Besides, they grow, and I can change their... well he can change their shape, but then i still have to cut and file them to keep them down." It was a weird thought. They were red unlike everything else about her. Why did they exist? Were they considered part of her bones? Or was it just something else that she could do?

"Justice." he would answer the final question directed at the girl. Only to recoil back and go about his thing to leave the conversation between the pair of them.

"I'm going to bring Leviathan's killer to justice, as intended." she would answer. "I can't give people better lives, trying to care for their health while a villain like that exists. She's not the only one, I know that. The government will take too long to process her sentence, by then she'll be transferred, or worse, released." She nodded. "It's what I have to do..." she nodded along to her idea. "LEGALLY... I guess.

That's the benefit of knowing a few pros I guess. Just a few small benefits..."