Post by Airi Kurusu on Apr 6, 2020 3:54:49 GMT -4
Bzzzt.. You hear the sound of static and then silence.
Ahem!
It was a quiet, rainy afternoon as I laid there on top of my bed, my crimson eyes fixated on a spot on the ceiling above. The room was silent except for the faint, but steady sound of my heartbeat reminding me I was still alive. Alone, I was.. although I never really did have anyone to keep me company. Whatever.
To anyone who knew me well, if they were to have seen me at that moment, it would've been quite obvious that I was bored out of my mind. Ugh.. I really did hate that dorm. Going to the library, reading, talking in that chatroom.. there was a couple of things I could do to alleviate my symptoms.. but those were all temporary relieves to a problem that persisted and had gotten worse over time. I associated my negative feelings with that room but I know better now. It wasn't my room sucking ass, it was just being alone in there reminded me how alone and sad I was. Distracting myself was the only solution I trusted though.. I'm not that emotionally intelligent, am I? Haha.. Just laugh the pain away, Airi, like the clown you are.
Sorry, I got out-of-hand there. Happens to me often, don't mind it. Anyways.. most days like this for me consisted of the same routine, but not this time. Classes were starting soon and although doing the same crap I had done for most of the break definitely sounded appealing, I chose to go out. Instead of wasting away and letting my precious youth slip by me, I actually decided to do something about my predicament! Crazy, right?
Friends.. Maybe I'm just an idiot, but it's really hard to find real, genuine ones. I wish I was more friendly when I first came to U.A.
Unfortunately.. back then. I didn't like people getting close. I just didn't want to be seen as vulnerable. So I kinda pushed everyone away from me. It was a defense mechanism, of sorts. And I was really good at that. Being abrasive was a cursed gift. All I had to do was be sarcastic and act like I didn't care and everyone would naturally avoid me. Heh.. Even me acting the way that I did, there were still people who cared enough to see through my little song-and-dance and accepted me. I could be the biggest bully and their most annoying critic and still, they opened their arms to me. Not literally, but I'm pretty sure you know what I mean. Still, that was just so weird to me. A lot of people describe themselves as cynical without really understanding what it means, but that term really holds true for me. It's hard for me to trust unwarranted kindness. I just assume when someone is being nice that they have ulterior motives. Time and time again though, these same few people would show me that kindness that did come from the heart and it would chip at my "shell" more and more.
So what does this have to do with anything you ask? Well if I were actually talking to you, I'd probably try to mess with you and say "Absolutely nothing idiot! I wasted your time for nothing." but fortunately for you, I'm telling a story here. If you still remember me mentioning that I did something about my situation, I did. By texting a guy who I really don't deserve as a friend. His name? Find out nex- I'm joking.
You can hear a few giggles.
His name is Saito Yamada, or Yamada-san as I so unaffectionately called him. Honestly, thinking back, I feel really bad for calling him that. He's not really someone who puts much effort into life except for the few things he cares about and he did put a considerable amount of effort into trying to be my friend. It worked you, idiot, if you're even hearing this. He also doesn't show a lot of emotion, maybe anger at some of our fellow students, but it must've hurt a little being called that by someone you wanna be chummy with. It would've hurt me. Sorry.
Not gonna dawdle on like that anymore, on with the story. I decided before the year even started that this specific year would be different, both in my hero studies and my social life. I didn't want any more regrets, I was tired of regretting things. I didn't really start doing much at the beginning.. haha, mostly because I was lazy. Still, the boredom urged me on and so I decided I want to go out somewhere with someone I didn't dislike. Back then I was scared of using the word friend to refer to anyone. Tetsuko-chan was probably busy doing important work most likely, I didn't want to bother her. Reinacht-san was pretty much gone. There wasn't really many options except Saito and I knew for sure he wasn't doing anything worthwhile. Maybe. Hye-san was his number #1. Maybe they were too busy smooching or something. Eww..
Anyways, it took me probably like half an hour to figure out what to text him exactly. God, I was pathetic. Still am, haha! I had to word what I said just right so I didn't sound needy. Give me props for trying though, it's hard messaging someone to invite them while also sounding as if you don't care if they don't come, especially when you actually do want them to come. Geez.. maybe I am a tsundere.. no, get those idiotic thoughts out of your head Airi. This isn't an anime, you're not some one-dimensional cutesy girl with big tits that everyone says is best girl. God I hate that trope. No, they aren't best 'girl' just because they look conventionally attractive, they're just a cardboard cutout instead of an actual character made to sell you, idiots, waifu merchandise. Everyone has shitty taste, I swear.
hey, gonna go to the candy store like at 3:30. wanna come with? | 2:36PM
meet me at the gates if you want | 2:36PM
not like i care. | 2:38PM
u cud get somethin for hye-san, just saying. | 2:42PM
After I sent it, I got up and started getting ready. I didn't really have many clothes except for my school uniforms which I had multiple copies of. That sufficed for me normally, but I gave it a lot that day. Even without confirmation that he was coming, I felt anxious because I didn't want to look like an idiot. I ended up deciding on my uniform anyway, but only because I felt like it would be too much for me to dress up for a simple trip to the candy store, I didn't wanna be a tryhard. Speaking of trying, I tried to straighten my hair but I think it just enjoys making me look like I don't get sleep, which I don't, but still. I just went for my iconic twintails and called it day.
Then, I made my way to the school gates. I kept checking my phone the whole time as if me turning it off and on would magically make him respond faster. So desperate.. ugh.. Still, I was worried the time I gave him was too early. If he was planning to do anything that day, it would be difficult for him to drop it on such short notice. Regardless, I sat down at a nearby bench and just waited for a reply, hoping for any indication that he would come.
