585 Posts
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17 Years
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Post by Feng "Fei" Yao on Feb 27, 2020 11:10:44 GMT -4
……
A quiet and restrained Feng would be seen laying on the bed, her early outburst and emotion led her to be put into a straightjacket for her own safety. The faint hum of a television lingered in the air as not even a single sound as been uttered by her following her confinement. Any attempts to move her legs or body would be met with heavy resistance as support took extra care to accommodate her. But the will to fight flickered in her eyes as she would longingly stare at the ceiling above her, wondering how the others were doing.
She would take no pity on herself as she knew what she did. The pain in her chest remained with her when all of her anger and sorrow burned away hours before. It bothered her to no end as it denied her chance to nap peacefully; the pain didn’t cause her to scream in agony nor could it be healed by the medics. Despite being on a few hours in the time she was put in there, it felt like it was rooted in her chest for far longer than it should. The lingering gift she got from the match after it concluded was the ever constant ringing in her ears.
All of her wounds were healed but still she had to recuperate if she wanted to compete in the losers bracket. Such an opportunistic bracket would be accompanied by such a sore word.’Loser’ befitted her in a way as many of the things she did of late granted her this status. Lashing out against a friend in the heat of the moment, listening and letting the other side of her take control, a faint attempt to apologize while in the midst of a match. In the grand scheme, one could joke that she is a loser in many other ways. Not just in terms of the bracket but against her opponent, she could do little to offer what she can’t do better. The worst kind of joke and it was the one that suited her the most as she could bring herself to even let out a peep.
Every chance she would try and speak, nausea and pain would stop her. The staff were confused as to why this was occurring but she knew of the reason. She knew it far too well but she didn't want to admit it. The pain in her chest, the flickering will to fight, the ever present feeling of regret, all of it held her down. She doesn't know if Yumi will come to see her after what she did , she has every reason to not show up and it would bring Feng to the brink of tears if she were to see her now.
Recalling all the things she did for her and the good times seem to echo in her head as she would find herself back to where she started. She cannot find the will to forgive herself despite trying so many times in the past hour. The gall to throw away all of the good times they had together for the sake of petty and insignificant as love is enough to bring her blood to a boil.She hated herself for what she did but she can’t bring the energy to save herself from it. She honestly still had the thought to run from it all, it was something she was so used to doing that dealing with these demons head on is jarring for her. It was childish, it was immature, it was something that didn't suit a hero at all. Yet she wanted to because she simply didn't know what she was getting into. Far gone were the days where she wasn't weighed down by all of this emotional baggage and was simply a girl who wanted to do her best. But time after time, again this ideal would get muddied and thrown down at every turn. No matter how much she wanted to catch up and tried, she could never in a million years. As the gap would get bigger, so would the hole in the chest as she would feel a sense of longing. Maybe she wanted to be validated and see that she can make it to the top despite the limits. But she isn't talented, she ain't an inventor, she can't be a leader, she can't even bring herself to call herself a hero especially after that. Maybe a part of her wanted to give up and this match was the chance of her to renounce her wants and head back home. To join the family business and use her skills in ways that would benefit her more than her earnings if she can become a hero. All she could do for herself is stare at the ceiling above and pray that her next match would start so she can be free and get some fresh air.
“How long are you going to feel sorry for yourself?”, Fei would ask in a noticeably agitated tone as Feng would again wallow in the depths of self pity for the fifth time .”You messed up and did some bad things, just apologize and reconcile with the reality of it…”, she added on as she would remain to lay there motionless.”...and before you even think about it. No, I won’t do this for you. This is your mistake and you have to fix it. Because if you don’t do it now, it's only to get more awkward in the coming future. So perk up and hope she comes because it's better than whatever this state is…”, finishing off her peep talk by going silent. She listened but not retort because it held much of the truth. The sheer fact of it made the pain in her chest worse with each thought
“...how would I even do that…” Feng would think to herself as she closed her eyes and attempted to get some rest.
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1,884 Posts
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Post by Yumi Tasukai on Feb 29, 2020 16:04:39 GMT -4
Yumi had admittedly put off seeing Feng. Not a stupidly long time but… she needed some time after that fight to just try and clear her head on things and not go in there overly apologetic or overly stubborn. She could still feel a stinging numbness at the base of her frontal lobes, like the decision making chunk of her brain still wasn’t happy to be here but… Yumi tried to suck it up and at least put her presence in Feng’s space so the girl didn’t sink any deeper into the stupid assumptions she’d been following that lead to her weird ass actions in their fight. Between tourney rounds, Yumi still hadn’t had time to even remove her hero suit… and in truth she would have worn it any way. She really didn’t wanna be in a room with Feng right now without the assurance her quirk could back her up if necessary…
Stepping up to the medical ward of the Valiant school, Yumi took a deep, sighing breath before pushing her way through the door to-
“… I dunno what I was expecting but… the straight jacket is not it.” She commented, looking over Feng as she layed back in her tied up state, easing the door shut behind her and walking over, wearing a hoodie over her costume but otherwise that was all she seemed to have, looking down over the recovering heroine in her bed and taking another long, slow breath as she just tried to find the words to say… normally she’d be eager to reconcile, to make amends but… part of her maturing was stuff like this was starting to get tiring. Over and over the people in her life were trying to dump their shit on her and use her to vent their frustrations in one way or another and…
She was getting tired of it. She just briefly furrowed her brow and squeezed her eyes shut as she tried to push down the stress before looking back to Feng. “… My mom wasn’t kidding. The NHS gives no fucks huh?” She dipped her head, gesturing with it to the straight jacket. She tried to go for a bit of a joke to lighten the mood but in truth Yumi was gonna struggle holding any sort of smile right now. It wasn’t even just that this was Red that she was so frustrated… it was that Feng of all people turned on her because of it.
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585 Posts
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17 Years
Imagination
"Typhoon Dragoon"
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Post by Feng "Fei" Yao on Mar 1, 2020 13:41:50 GMT -4
“.....I’m a terrible person..”, is what she audibly mutters to herself as he rested.
Feng stirred in her sleep as she recalled the scene again in foggier detail. The anger, the jealousy, the sadness, every feeling was present but things were lucid. Times going back to her previous years and events. The battles she fought, the people she met, the joy of her life as she only looked forward with no other distraction. It brought tears in her eyes as she looked back to see how simple everything was and how she easily threw it all away in a moment of passion. That she let her emotions and inferiority fixation drive to the point of hurting a friend. Bottling up these emotions over the year made her numb to the more extreme feelings. She loved to battle but she despised losing, she hated being the first round clown again. It was the most childish feeling she could do and she did it with no hesitation. She hasnt changed one bit since last year and this incident showed it. It was absolutely pathetic.She attempted to turn to her side to shake these feelings off. But the bindings made it difficult to move around and she slowly opened her eyes.
She heard a voice but in her lucid state, she couldn’t tell who it was until she could see it was...Yumi. Her eyes darted open and glow as she realized who was here to visit her. But it was only for a moment as she calmed herself and looked away from her. Maybe it was a sense of shame, maybe it was regret, maybe it was anger, it confused her as she saw the person who beat her fair and square sitting before her. There were about a million things she could say to her but none of them left her mouth as she knows what she did. The look on her face was painted in regret as she laid there in her straight jacket. It was absolutely shameful to say the least, first Yellow Jacket came by and now here is Yumi. Reminders of who she worked with and who she did not account for in her moment of rage.
“If you have anything to say to me, just say it now...I’m in no position to fight back...”, was all she could say as she stared at the window. She mentally prepped herself for the words Yumi was going to say as she knows what she did. No amount of saying sorry or explaining can't take back what she did to her. She can lie but...what good would that do anymore. Lying to herself was the only thing she did up until now and she paid the price for it.
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1,884 Posts
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18 Years
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U.A Third Year
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Post by Yumi Tasukai on Mar 2, 2020 5:15:03 GMT -4
Yumi looked over Feng as she lay their in her straight jacket, a hefty sigh coming from her nose, folding her arms and looking down at her in her bound state. Yumi was too… numb, at this point, to feel pity, or just treat this like a joke and brush it off. She was mad. She’d never gotten to really hash it out with Darren, a part of her still had a gut feeling she’d maybe let Kirk off too easy even if every other part of her felt that she’d done the right thing in the end but just…
She… a part of her NEEDED to finally let herself be mad at someone. Just for a little bit. Maybe it’d show people they couldn’t just do this to her over and over and OVER again. Maybe it was cause she was an 18 year old in a class of 15-17 year olds who the fuck knew but she’d just… had enough of all this immaturity.
As she was told to just get it out, Yumi scowled briefly down at her friend, annoyed that she seemed to feel she could just… get this over with. Brush past it and take it and just move on for better or worse. That really annoyed her but she was probably reading too much into her words in her frustration, a new form of her over thinking paranoia starting to rise… something a lot more spiteful.
Later maybe she’d realize Feng was just trying to state how she wasn’t in a position to argue or fight literally but… right now she was just angry. She looked about herself, finding a chair and pulling it up beside Feng’s bed, in silence the whole while, finally putting it down with a harsh clack of the four legs against the floor, planting herself in it and crossing one of her legs over the other. She didn’t really know how to start but she wasn’t gonna let this all just blow away…
“… Red. Really?” That was it. That was the crux of why she was angry. Not because she saw Feng as competition but- “Everything we have. What little it might be to you. What miniscule friendship I have left in this school outside of him… and you toss it aside cause… what. I kissed him first? Really?” She was angry, frustrated, numb. Her tone didn’t raise but it wasn’t pleasant either, and before she could second think it she let out- “Are you that pathetic?”
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585 Posts
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17 Years
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"Typhoon Dragoon"
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Post by Feng "Fei" Yao on Mar 2, 2020 22:37:30 GMT -4
Yumis words echoed in her head as she spoke with the most serious look on her face. If looks can kill, Feng could have died several times at this moment. But no, she simply stated the truth and it hurts. She threw away all of her trust for a crush and acted in the worst way imaginable . But she isn't completely faultless in her situation, her memories of the times she spent started to flood back as she found the energy to respond.
"Pathetic?….maybe I am...", she replied with a melancholic tone.She took her time to reply as she tried to make a reasonable response that's as clear as possible.”....But it wasn't without reason, you said it before that you and him were not together several times and yet there you were...How many lies are you going to keep telling me before this?", she retorted as she looked at Yumi with passive glare. " ...How much of a secret can it be if you couldn't tell me in the first place? It could have saved me the heartbreak...but you both decided to be coy for so long... ", she recalled the meeting with her parents and the distance between everyone...how much she felt like the third wheel in that. "How long? a month? a year? a day? the hour before? did you skip all formalities and just tied the knot?", it would flood out before she stopped herself for saying anymore.
"I'm envious of you and you know this...no amount of training or fighting can change that concrete reality...You have a family that cares, adoration of many, power...everything I strive for...and here I am now..", she turned her gaze towards the window to avoid the glare she was about to get. Flowery words or reassurance can’t close the gap in between them. No matter how hard she tries, no matter how much she trains and refines, no matter how she wants to catch up….she can’t. The inescapable truth that tries to keep away with all of her work but..she can’t keep lying to herself. She can't keep holding this world view without cracking, it was all falling apart and she can do nothing to stop it. So she resigned herself to see where it all falls and how much will it follow her for the rest of her days.
“...but yes call me pathetic for letting my emotions take the wheel...it won’t be the last time I’ll hear of it...so just let me have it…” she added on as she would brace herself for more. It was time to face the music and this was only the start, if she doesn't face this now she is going to regret more later.
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U.A Third Year
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Post by Yumi Tasukai on Mar 5, 2020 15:01:51 GMT -4
“We weren’t.” Yumi firmly answered, her gaze sharp and narrow as she ‘justified’ herself to Feng now of all times, breathing out heavily through her nose as she let her have her moment before she finally answered the aggravating question. Heck it was borderline childish in how she listed off all the times one after the other, Yumi running a hand back up through her hair with some annoyance and just taking another deep breath before she elaborated further. “A few days. We literally got together ON this trip. We wanted to figure out what was going on, if it was something real. Isn’t that fair? Isn’t that reasonable? We weren’t together all those times everyone assumed elsewise. And yeah, fair enough, we kept it a secret for a few days… but I needed to just… feel like it wasn’t just gonna be some big joke. ‘Oh look at Yumi, the slut, getting with the first guy to treat her nice again’… I didn’t want something like this.” She glared down to the floor, her brow furrowed, her fingers pinching into her arms as she crossed them over her chest.
“You think I just have it all easy? This! Exactly THIS!” She rose up from her chair, gesturing firmly with her words, always a physically expressive person but it coming out a lot in her frustration and anger now of all moments, a flare behind her eyes. “This is the fucking issue with it all! I either try hard or I get lucky and everyone judges and hates and envies and I can’t just HAVE my victories! I can’t look at Red now and just feel that something went right! Now I have to question if I’m just being some fucking slut again and looking at my friend and realizing I hurt them by keeping it a secret all of what!? 3 days!?” She fumed heavily as she glared down at Feng. “And as for the fucking ‘adoration’ NAME MORE THAN 4 PEOPLE IN THIS DAMN SCHOOL WHO LIKE ME! Wanna go online and my little blog!? Its an *Internet blog*, you think I don’t get as many people criticizing every fucking aspect of my body!? I try and have just a fun life for gods sake and het EVERY. LAST. PERSON. HATES ME FOR IT!”
She paused as she spotted the nurse pop her head in, taking a deep breath and glancing to the nurse. “sorry… I’ll keep it down…” She quickly left, but it was clear she’d be keeping an ear out. Yumi turned back to Feng.
“I either get lucky or I work hard and nothing I get out of it is seen as a positive by anyone but a select few… and I really hoped I could trust you to be one of those few Feng…”
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585 Posts
1 EP
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17 Years
Imagination
"Typhoon Dragoon"
Student-Rank Quirk:
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Post by Feng "Fei" Yao on Mar 5, 2020 16:11:27 GMT -4
The Cathartic feeling of being yelled was something Feng needed to wake her up. Listening to every word said to her as she watched Yumi burst into fire and fury as she named everything that has happened so far. Three days. Three days they have been dating and not a single word was mentioned. Anger? Frustration? Perhaps a mixture of various emotions stirred within her as she continued to vent. Eventually she exploded into anger and let out all thoughts on the matter. Understandably mad as she brought to light all of her issues and problems as she listened. She wanted to sympathize, she wanted to apologize but anger then gave way to her own thoughts as she finished.
Sitting up and glaring at Yumi, she articulated her thoughts as she had her own list of things to say to her. Memories of the year start flooding back as she recalled all the antics. Taking a deep breath, her eyes showed a faint glow as she let the words flow.
“Figure it out? You both wanted to figure it out? The writing was on the goddamn wall! The snowstorm, the banter, the race , the fucking brawl, the teamwork and you wanted to figure it out?! I was stupid to lie to myself about it and thought I had a chance... But who the hell thought it was going to be a joke. DID YOU ASSUME YOU THINK I WAS GOING TO TREAT LIKE THAT AS SOME SORT OF JOKE?! IF YOU HAD HONEST WITH YOUR FUCKING FEELINGS INSTEAD OF BEING COY THEN MAYBE IT WOULD HAVE SAVED THE BOTH OF US THE TROUBLE OF THIS!IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I HAD THESE STRONG OF A FEELING IN MY HEART AND IT WAS SHATTERED ALL THE SAME!”, bursting out as tears started to well up on her face. They streamed down by the time she raised her voice. The collective anger and sadness started to come out and all of thoughts and issues were coming out at full force.
She continued as she quelled her anger and took a deep breath as she glared once again. “You think I envied you because you had it easy? You think he was the only reason why I feel like this? Is that what you fucking think?! You think that you’re the only one who has issues? That you can’t have anything go right for them ?” but as she went on and on, her voice began to raise yet again as she retorted Yumi’s various statements.
“CAN YOU NAME MORE THAN 4 PEOPLE WHO SAID THEY HAVE DESPISED YOU AND ARE STILL IN THE FUCKING SCHOOL? I BARELY HAVE A SOCIAL LIFE IN THE SCHOOL AND DEDICATE MY BODY AND SOUL TO THE CRAFT, EACH AND EVERY TIME COMING UP SHORT!…”, she vented as the glow in her eyes began to shine more brilliantly. Her quirk activated but her suit was fortunately made to restrict those with her power set but she can feel the glow.
“You were a goal I set for myself. You were a standard I needed to be. I needed to get stronger to be like you and all the pain I endure was for that goal. You see yourself as a slut and I see you as a leader and IF YOU THINK THESE FEELINGS OF BETRAYAL COULD UNDO ALL THE HELP YOU GAVE ME?! YOU THINK I WOULDN'T TRY AND AT LEAST BE REASONABLE IF YOU HAD TOLD ME! NO, YOU DECIDED TO NOT TELL YOUR FRIEND THE BIG NEWS AND IT WAS THE WORST CASE SCENARIO ! IT STUNG BUT I’D SUPPORT YOU DESPITE IT! I FEEL BETRAYED FOR THE FACT THAT YOU DIDN'T DECIDE TO TELL ANYONE ABOUT IT OVER SOME LINGERING FEARS! IF YOU HONESTLY DID LOVE HIM THE YOU COULD HAVE DECLARED AND NOT FUCKING CARED WHAT OTHERS THINK! WHAT WAS THERE MORE TO IT THE DAY YOU CONFESSED? WAS IT TOO MUCH TO SAY? ”, the last of her outburst came out at full force as she began to calm down after that. The words said by Yumi struck a nerve and felt herself lean back onto the bed as she wanted to wipe away the tears. She held back the tears as the last of her rage dissipated.
“I don't even know if I can trust myself anymore...I just don’t know what to think anymore...it just keeps getting worse and...I just want it to all end...I'm here yelling and in a straitjacket while the rest of the world has the time of their lives”
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1,884 Posts
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18 Years
Female
"x"
Student-Rank Quirk:
U.A Third Year
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Post by Yumi Tasukai on Mar 5, 2020 18:17:41 GMT -4
“I don’t-!” She halted, gritting her teeth. She wanted to yell she didn’t know what the hell she was talking about but she supposed from the outside any time she helped Red it was just gonna be more evidence on the burner, her brow furrowing further and further as she pushed the base of her palm into her forehead with some deep frustration. “I just…! I thought all that was just what you do! He was one of my closest friends so I backed him up! You needed support in your training so I offered it! Wasn’t I helping you in the brawl too!? Why the hell wasn’t anyone calling us a bloody couple!?” She could never really see what the difference had been when people saw her and Red together but all the same- “Besides I just… I needed…” She couldn’t find a satisfying way to justify why she kept it from Feng of all people, her brow furrowing harder but with a more internally aimed frustration as she pressed two fingers into the space between her eyes. “… It’s hard to consider who you should or shouldn’t tell when you’re still… figuring it all out yourself. Or even just… embracing the new thing. Maybe that’s a better term than ‘figuring it out’.” They had kinda fell into a pretty natural habit right away afterall.
“Does it stop you though?” She let out, a hanging hand turning into a tight fist for a moment before relaxing and shaking her head. “Does it fucking matter that I ended up with him? Why does it stop you?” She shrugged. She’d told Red once she was poly and he hadn’t really flinched. Heck he’d seemed oddly… eager? Maybe she’d been reading too much into how surprised he looked but either way, while they hadn’t spoken of the topic he never seemed truly… against it, persay. “Confess to him. I don’t care. Heck I encourage it. Then you can put the blame on him and not me cause I really, REALLY, don’t care. This is… how is this the fucking second time my relationship views caused a row with a friend I just-!” She turned around shrugging, throwing her arms up. The nurse peered in again and Yumi frowned, walking over to the door and shutting it tight after apologizing again, and turning back to Feng, sighing deeply.
“In fact. Don’t confess. Or do. I don’t care… but believe me when I say on THIS matter I am in no way the one stopping you, or breaking your heart. If your beliefs stop you, or Red refuses you, fine. But it is not me.” She sighed in more deep frustration, running her hands back through her hair as she dropped into a chair.
“And no. I don’t think you envy me because I ‘have it easy’. Did you not hear the ‘hard work’ part in there? I’m mad that ANY of you fucking envy me. Since day one in this school. ‘Oh Yumi your quirk is so good’. ‘Oh Yumi your so amazing’. ‘Oh Yumi you’re doing this wrong’. ‘Oh Yumi you’re such an idiot’. There is no fucking… middle ground. With any of you. None of you see me like a damn ‘person’. Either something to aspire to which I in no way deserve or you see me as some terrible idiot who doesn’t deserve the lucky quirk she got. You all build this view of me and then break yourselves down or build up your own egos because of it and it’s just…!” She clutched a handful of her own hair atop her head.
Yumi wasn’t sure what Feng meant by people despising her, but as Feng’s quirk began to warm the room, Yumi shot to her feet again on defensive instinct, the air sparking around her, but her quirk not activating in full, her hair hovering a little from her as it started to hold a small charge. Just… ready.
Back to Red again and she rolled her eyes back before throwing her arms down. “I KEPT IT A DAMN SECRET CAUSE I DIDN’T WANT HIM HURT!” She yelled out with fury in her eyes. “I didn’t care what people think about me they’ll all think what they think anyway but I didn’t want HIM to be part of the joke! I didn’t want him to have to deal with more shit than he already had to so yeah I kept it a secret! And as far as my fears why the HELL didn’t you confess!? Same reason right!? Fear of rejection? Fear of it not being the right time!? WHATS YOUR FUCKING EXCUSE!?”
The air sparked around her further, she’d taken extra lessons to control her quirk since the incident with Kirk but the trails were starting to burn up her arms. She’d likely have gone full spark if she wasn’t wearing her suit to help her control it.
Panting harshly as she tried to bring herself to something akin to a sense of calm, the calmest you could get in a situation like this, she untensed her arms and her hair began to fall as the charge around her calmed down, letting out a deep sigh as she shook her head with her eyes aimed towards the floor.
“I dunno what you’re dealing with Feng I can’t even pretend to. It’s not like you’ve ever told me but… you’re an aspiring hero, you’re gonna be the face of budding heroes for generations to come even if you’re not top of the pile. You ha-“ She paused, choosing her word more carefully. “HaVE friends who care about you, even if only a few you still have them. You can say you were hurt cause you aspire to be like me or im some unattainable girl or whatever the hell you want…but.”
She stepped forward, pointing down to the ground as she made her point firm and clear. “You walked right up to a killing blow because your crushed got with someone else.” She pinched the same hand’s fingers closed to silence Feng before she could object. “No. No talking back to that… cause at the end of the day THAT is what set you off. You were ready to let me LIVE with the guilt that I coulda killed you today…and no matter what we yell at eachother today I am going to be quietly furious about that for a while…”
She took a slow breath and tried to emphasize a firmer point in how her view of Feng had changed. “You worked hard… you strived to be greater… and I could respect that in you… but you just tossed that all away over something so… so… Small. And you tossed away most of the respect I coulda had for you at the same time…”
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585 Posts
1 EP
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Total
17 Years
Imagination
"Typhoon Dragoon"
Student-Rank Quirk:
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Post by Feng "Fei" Yao on Mar 5, 2020 19:32:44 GMT -4
“You think the thought hasn’t passed my mind. I for the heart of all hearts want to confess. But I can’t. Nervousness? Defeat? Anger? Regret? Could be a number of things I’m feeling the moment I try to confess….and if you really didn’t care, why visit me?” she glared as Yumi. Every fiber of being wanted to not say that but it had to be asked. Out of the display she had witnessed today, why did she come and visit? It could be the obvious point of being the concerned friend but with things said during that match….
But...maybe it wasn’t entirely on the problem itself. Large part could be the massive amount of shame Feng feels for having acted the way she did. Admitting it can be so simple but something is stopping her. It wasn’t Fei, it wasn’t her emotions, it was something just preventing her from admitting it. Pride? Regret? Whatever the feeling is, she can’t bring herself to try and explain her actions clearly.
“You could have easily left me behind like the rest and went about your day with figuring it out and I can’t bring myself to confess no matter what you try and tell me...I can’t..not after that...Seeing him is only going cause more trouble than it's worth and I just can't bring myself to let it escalate anymore...”, she began to stare at the bed frame as she began to settle down. Confessing her feelings now is meaningless at this point. She already lost the respect of one and she can't bring herself to ruin another one. If she had only confessed earlier, if one she had talked about it more, if only she had only been more open. Maybe just maybe it could have been prevented but what's done is done and thinking about what if’s brings nothing but more regrets. That's all she can feel now...regret. Regret for the words she said, her actions, how she reacted, her reasons, all of it just weighed heavily on her chest.
But then it came down to Yumi venting all of her frustrations about school and the people who looked up to her. It surprised her to a degree as she looked at her looking so angry and done with this entire situation. A million reasons could be said as to why Feng began to reflect on her actions. Hearing the schools strongest feel this way and speak like this felt...refreshing in a way. Someone with so much riding on their shoulders felt like this and she never thought. There was a lull in the atmosphere that she took the chance to speak again. “....I built that view because I respected you, for all that is holy I fucking respected you. That part had nothing to deal with my ego or some ulterior motive. I honestly respected you and for once in my life, I felt I had someone I can work with”, she said as the glow in her eyes began to dim.
They quickly went back into a glow as Yumi began to yell and the tone of it set her off again as she yelled back soon after her. “WHAT FUCKING STOPPED ME? WHY ARE YOU ACTING SO HIGH AND MIGHTY FOR HIS SAKE? YOU THINK HE CAN’T HANDLE IT? YOU KNOW HOW MUCH OF AN IDIOT HE IS AND HE DOESN’T FUCKING CARE! WAS IT YOUR OWN INSECURITIES SHIELDING HIM? AND MY FUCKING EXCUSE IS THAT I HAVE NONE! I WAS AFRAID OF BEING REJECTED LIKE TIME AND TIME AGAIN BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID SOMETHING LIKE THIS WOULD FUCKING HAPPEN! I NEVER HAD THIS FEELING BEFORE AND NEVER HAD A CRUSH ON SOMEONE! THATS WHAT FUCING STOPPED ME, I WAS TOO INFATUATED AND I WAS TOO MUCH OF A FUCKING COWARD TO EVEN TRY”, Her eyes glowed brighter as the area around her began to heat up due to the excitement. “ARE YOU HAPPY WITH MY EXCUSE? ARE YOU FUCKING HAPPY? THIS WAS A FIRST LOVE AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENED!”, she said as she slowly took deep breaths to calm herself down. It was doing little for her emotions but her quirk was slowly turning off.
It slowly transitioned back to the crux of the issue and the slowly ushered Feng back to her usual mood, albeit a bit. With Yumi saying something about her having friends but...she never felt close to them. They were all sparring partners but none of them knew how she actually is. She wanted to tell people but...that puts herself at risk “Yumi,If I told anyone what I was going through, I’d put more people at risk than I wanted...I didn't want my family drama to drag anyone else in…something about the attempt on my life isn't a event I can say easily without a dozen people asking why..”, she responded in turn before getting hit with the biggest elephant in the room.
“..But me opening myself to get shot was...is an...idiotic heat of the moment decision…. ”, she agreed as she stared at the window. It was a single weight off her chest but she felt it got a bit lighter. But she felt a bit better about it.
“....and here we are to the biggest point of all..me being pathetic…The Typhoon Dragoon, Feng Yao. willing to throw everything away for a one sided love...”, she laid back down on the bed with a defeated look on her face.
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1,884 Posts
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18 Years
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U.A Third Year
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Post by Yumi Tasukai on Mar 5, 2020 19:58:29 GMT -4
“Oh my fucking god that is NOT what I mean when I say I ‘don’t care’.” Yumi sighed deeply, not even raging this time as she sunk her head into her hands and just let the frustration sink over her for a moment, fuming gently into her hands for a moment before lifting her head up and just taking a long slow breath. “I care about you Feng THAT’S why I came. What I DON’T care about is your crush on Red. And I don’t mean that like ‘I don’t care if I hurt you’ I mean that as ‘It doesn’t hurt me’. You could tell him for all I care and it wouldn’t change a thing. You could DATE him for all I care and so long as I got to love him too I wouldn’t care? Why people DO care baffles me. I mean, if you truly loved someone, you’d accept everything about them, and if they wanted to share their love, or if more people wanted to love them… would that not warm your heart? That’s what I mean when I say I don’t care. Heck if he loved you back and you two were dating too I’d be bloody HAPPY to see it!” She’d frown heavily, brow further furrowed. This would be a terrible beginning to an ideal situation for her but by god she really just would not complain if Red felt the same way for Feng as he did for Yumi herself. As Feng went on to say she really respected her… Yumi bit the inside of her cheek, forcing herself not to counter it. In all honesty she shouldn’t fight it. Feng of all people was one of the few who didn’t have a history of just praising her quirk so she probably built her view of Yumi off of actual experience of her so Yumi didn’t want to diminish that, and gave to that point of the conversation, but all the same… “… Sorry I’m just. I’m tired of people looking up to me or looking down to me. Respect or idealization or just seeing me as Lucky… I’m tired of it. People put too much on me in their views, for better or worse, based in fact or fiction… you really shouldn’t look up to me. I’m not worth it in the long run. I’m just… someone trying to keep up and not be pinned down to a lucky gift of birth. That’s all. Nothing to strive or aim for there that isn’t… ‘beyond the norm’ or whatever.”
Yumi listened to Feng shout, and she wanted to end the cycle there as she calmed down, taking a long breath and sitting back down as she leaned back in the chair, balancing it on two legs as her eyes drifted to the ceiling. “… do you not think that’s what stopped me too? Maybe it was my insecurities or just my worries stopping me from telling you it happened… but it took me so long to admit to him for the same reasons as you. I’ve never.. felt like this. I’ve felt close to people, felt intimate… but Red was something else and I was unsure how to handle it, especially with everything that happened recently. It only even happened cause he accidentally caught me er…” She rested a hand against her face. “Dreaming about him… literally. Kinda… spiralled from there. Your excuse is the same as mine in the end so yeah, in a sense, I’m happy with it. Maybe you’ll understand more why I kept it a secret… I just didn’t know how to handle it in the end. Whatever my reasons.”
Yumi put her chair soundly back on four legs and rubbed at her eyes as she tried to focus and keep herself from getting into a shouting match again as she dealt with this all mentally, grasping her knee tight in her free hand as she just let her mind flow slowly. “Well you have your secrets and I had mine. I dunno what makes you think we’d be in danger.. heh. US. Of all people. Heroes in training. But whatever just… keep your fucking secrets. I really don’t care.” She held up a quick finger. “I care about YOU. But I don’t care about your need to keep it a secret. Tell me. Don’t. I don’t care. You know the secret, you must know how best to handle it so… go with your gut there…”
She let out a long sigh and hung her head back. “And… its not the practical suicide that makes me upset ya know. It’s the fact you were gonna put it in my hands… I… I can’t approve of you handling it that way to begin with but, did it never even cross your mind what I’d have to live with if I’d accidentally fired that shot through you…?”
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585 Posts
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17 Years
Imagination
"Typhoon Dragoon"
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Post by Feng "Fei" Yao on Mar 6, 2020 5:53:39 GMT -4
“I'm just confused about everything….I don't know what to feel...I don't know whether to feel angry, happy, jealous, relieved or...anything. I’d love to do that but…”, she responded as she sat up again as she took a deep breath. There were too many things going on at once and she can’t grasp any of it for the life of her. Staring at the foot of the bed, she takes a moment to close her eyes and just think of a proper response to what Yumi is suggesting. Most of it confused her, she can understand but...she can’t bring herself to decide it now. She’d close her eyes for a moment to reflect and began talking once more as she made sure to get out the thoughts in her brain. “..I need time to think about that one...too many emotions, too many ideas...I’m just..not sure about anything right now...”.
Trailing off from her last response, she’d lend an ear to Yumi as she just aired out her issues with idolizing her and responded in turn with it. “Yumi, I saw the things you can do with electricity and what you do outside of battle. I’m the last person to look at someone with just their quirk… it makes up a lot of one but that isn’t just it...All of it just drives the message home….”, she irked out with the ideas she can say without missing the point. The more she spoke, the more she calmed down as she listened to her and it felt...nice. It was short loved however as she remembered what she did.
“...and for the record I’m trying to stand by you and not stay looking up to you...after everything said and done, I still aspire to do more…”, she added on as she looked at Yumi with a rather determined look before looking at the window again.
Then the conversation went towards the confession and how she felt. A part of her didn't want to listen as she was still miffed about the whole ordeal but...it didn't help that most of her feelings resonated with her in one way or another. Though a puzzled look on her face appeared as she just turned to stare at her.“Is...was that….why were you….I have so many questions with that but...point taken….I’m just jealous of it all…”, she’d just sigh as she went along with it. She didn't have the energy to pry out every single detail on it. It just matters that she told her as all...late after the fact but still. A start to something akin to reconciling but that's still a bit murky. Alongside the entire situation with her family.
She briefly contemplated just telling her outright as she needed to get it off her chest. But this was one thing she can’t unload on someone right now and especially not after what happened. So she promptly took another deep breath and just responded to it “...maybe later I’ll tell...its a completely different can of worms...it's a really confusing story that I...just can't tell right now with y’know...THIS” she gestured at the straitjacket she was wearing.
“...I...no...I was more in the moment deciding that shooting through me was going to...make things even...atoning for the things….It was...pretty stupid in hindsight”, she’d say in a reserved tone as she stared at her feet. “I...said..some bad things out there and...I was a mess and angry and…”, looking at Yumi with a sad expression on her face. “...I just thought it would have been better if I had a hole through me instead of just...facing the reality of it..It's childish and stupid...I didn't want to live with the fact that I did that to someone who trusted me...its...a relief you missed the shot...but now I'm just here dealing with my actions...”
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18 Years
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U.A Third Year
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Post by Yumi Tasukai on Mar 6, 2020 13:01:52 GMT -4
“Yeah that’s fair… even if I was offered the chance to confess this is hardly the time to do it. Clear your head, take your time, think it over… just know I’m not the one stopping you okay?” Yumi met Feng’s eyes again, a little calmer now. She realized this really wasn’t the ideal circumstances for either of them but ultimately she’d leave it down to Feng if she wanted to see how Red felt on the matter. Yumi wasn’t about to do it for her but she’d never stop her either. She… even after all this crap she’d prefer Feng be happy, and heck if that meant Red was even happier for being loved twice over than Yumi was gonna be happy too. Win Win Win…
Buuuut she knew reality didn’t really work out as smoothly as her ideals could…
“I don’t…” She sighed as Feng tried to base her opinion of Yumi more in what she’d done and the stuff she could do WITH her quirk rather than just emphasizing her quirk itself. “Okay fair enough but just… why am I your goal? Why do you think you don’t already have the.. I dunno. The ‘right’ to stand beside me? I mean I certainly do? Your hard working, your focused, you, USUALLY, recent events excluded, have a good head on your shoulders… was that not good enough? This is what I’m talking about. Whether you think im some goal to aim for, to beat, or to stand beside.. why? I’m no more special than you in that regard Feng. Really.” And Yumi truly believed it. Luck of the draw with her quirk or not, she’d never thought she was better than any other student, and whatever their intentions she really hated this pedestal they could put her on.
As Feng stumbled to understand the unique situation Yumi had found herself in, Yumi’s cheeks turned a deep red herself. At least they weren’t yelling anymore but that didn’t make this, of all moments, any more comfortable. She sighed deeply through her hand and nodded along slowly. “Yeah we can er… talk about that when we have better heads on our shoulders. Maybe not the best topic to linger on. I get being jealous hun really but like… not to harp on it, but as far as I’m concerned you don’t have to be?” She shrugged idly. “Like monogamy honestly baffles me beyond belief so just… IF you end up feeling you still wanna confess and see if you can be intimate with him too, I’m hardly gonna stop you… “ She sighed and added. “But. Yeah. Best we er… hold out on all that till either of us can think straight.”
On her personal stuff? Yumi wouldn’t push. If she wanted it to remain personal for now, Yu8mi wouldn’t intrude. She chuckled a little as she gestured to the straight jacket and shook her head with a smile. “I dunno it’s not like they put a muzzle on you but… yeah. Don’t worry about it. Just… whenever you’re ready okay?”
Finally she’d get round to trying to explain what was going through her head with that whole thing and… Yumi just hung her head back. No way anyone, let alone Feng, could decipher whatever made her think THAT was the right move. “yeeeeah… just a little stupid.” She teased, her anger fading into a frustrated sense of humor as she puffed out of her nostrils, rubbing her face with a free hand. “Missed though? I avoided you on purpose.” She chuckled and shook her head. “We’ll be fine ya know… I mean, I couldn’t even hold a grudge at Kirk… ya really think I can stay mad at you of all people?”
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585 Posts
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17 Years
Imagination
"Typhoon Dragoon"
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Post by Feng "Fei" Yao on Mar 7, 2020 13:22:39 GMT -4
“Mhm” is the only response Feng can give to Yumi to that prospect. As much as she wants to, she needs some time to mull things over. Emotions, her own mental health, life and reevaluating how she acts. Was it love or an extreme cause of infatuation? Whatever the case, she needs to reflect before confessing. Despite the green light, she needs to approach this cautiously for her own sake.
Moving on from that, she brought up another question to light. Why put her own friends on pedestals? She is capable and has shown it on several occasions. It made her go silent for a minute as she quietly pondered why it was the case. Maybe it was something in her childhood that made her this way? A habit that was taught to her by her parents? Defense mechanism to make her not so complacent in her place? It was a stream of questions that made her think about her response….But she did however find out why after looking deep within herself. It was a confusing yet understandable ideology she has forever followed. “Everyone around me is amazing in every regard and I’ve to realize my own strengths......to me, good enough isn’t enough and I don't want to be left behind.…I've made too many sacrifices to go to UA and I need to make sure it wasn’t all for naught...as dramatic as I put it.... I want to prove to myself that I belong here”, she’d respond slowly as she didn't want to stumble. The frog in her throat was immense but she pushed over it as she wanted to make it as clear as possible. She thinks of everyone in a higher regard than herself. Never acknowledges her own work in favor of improvement. Until she can honestly win in a fight on her own merit, she can never truly shake this feeling off her chest. It is her blessing and her curse.
As per Yumi’s words, she decided to not linger on the topic as that requires some understanding she cannot have at the moment. But to finish off the last of her thoughts on that, “I’ll...see what happens...my heads a mess of emotions right now...better than before but...things y’know”, calming down a bit more before Fei chimed in with her own thoughts “You do know I’m still here righ- Shut up I know that. Don’t ruin this.”, her thoughts echoed in the void known as her mind. A part of her debated on bringing up the topic of Fei, but that is possibly going to sound as crazy as her actions and ruin the moment. For the meantime, she will keep her a secret for the sake of everyone's sanity and her own.
“I’ll make sure to remember to bring it up after this...it's...quite a mess to be honest...”, she’d reply as the possibility of the muzzle was shaken off. If she kept acting the way she was before, it could have been made a reality. She decided to not to think about it as the conversation moved on.
“A teeny bit stupid. A tad bit too much..” she’d respond back jokingly as she chuckled. Though a moment of realization did sweep across her face as Yumi said she missed on purpose. She is thankful that she wasn’t actually aiming for her.
“...My pessimistic side always made situations like this worse in my head...but with the things I said..it did make me dread the fact that you hating me was real…”
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1,884 Posts
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18 Years
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U.A Third Year
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Post by Yumi Tasukai on Mar 8, 2020 6:54:40 GMT -4
Yumi let the whole confessing to Red thing rest, at least for a moment, scooching her chair a little closer since they weren’t yelling at eachother now and hooking her ankles up onto the bed itself, not putting her legs on Feng in any way just relaxing by using the bed like an elevated foot stool as she leaned back on her chair a bit, smiling across to Feng and just… enjoying the sense of ease that was developing again. It was… nice to clear the air a bit quicker than with Kirk. It wasn’t fully resolved but… time would heal this. Easily.
“Hun you train hard, you try hard… I think if you wanted to be you could be better than all of us. But you don’t let yourself take many risks.” She admitted, trying to be honest and hoping it would help Feng develop and grow going forward. “I mean you’re in a hero course, that’s a risk in itself, but what I more mean is like… you don’t take initiative. Don’t put yourself on the front page. I took the leadership role in our internship cause I was worried about you and Angel feeling pressured but that was also a big risk, cause if we say or do anything wrong it all falls on me. I think that’s all you really need. You want to prove yourself but… you don’t give yourself those opportunities to stand out. That make sense?”
She raised her hands to defend the point with a last minute addition. “To be clear, I personally think you’re impressive as you are, but I also think you’d recognize a lot more of your own merits if you put your skills on the line a bit more ya know?” She shrugged. “Far as I’m concerned you definitely belong here though.”
As a few topics were dismissed, Yumi only really got the part where Feng apologized again and said she was scared she hated Feng, shaking her head. “Honestly I was… furious. Furious about what you did but… fuck if I can forgive Kirk I can forgive you. We don’t hang out much but your still easily one of the few people in this school I can trust.” She sighs softly through her nose and hangs her head back. “Really just… don’t make me nearly punch a hole through your chest again. I can maybe handle 3 near kills max.” She joked, reaching over to lightly nudge Feng’s shoulder.
With that Yumi idly closed her eyes and crossed her arms, just relaxing in the hospital room with her ‘friend’, even if their relationship was gonna be strained for a few days, maybe a couple weeks, Yumi was happy just to relax here for a moment and let out a well needed breath as she thought quietly… a curious one coming to mind.
“…hey. While you’re er… tied up, and need the company, mind if I ask an awkward question?” She’d start up, in part wanting to just switch up the topics a bit to help them move into a gentler vibe. If Feng was okay with the question Yumi would ask. “Are you… I mean with the whole Red thing… are you just into guys?”
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585 Posts
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17 Years
Imagination
"Typhoon Dragoon"
Student-Rank Quirk:
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Post by Feng "Fei" Yao on Mar 10, 2020 15:15:17 GMT -4
Feng adjusted her posture as she sat in a cross legged position. A sense of ease was setting in the more they spoke. She was feeling way better than she was a few hours ago. A part of her wonders why she acted the way she did. Whatever the case, it was resting for now as topics shifted. Much doubt still lingered in her as Yumi spoke but it was comforting to say the least.
“I...that's true...that internship was the first time I felt pressure like that and...I didnt have the ability to do much aside give support…”, saying it with a defeated look on her face. Recalling that internship feels like it was forever ago. Yumi did her best to lead, while herself and Angel provided support.Getting in trouble for improper quirk use, nearly falling to her death, the twins, the hostages, it was all new for her. She comforted the hostages but in the end, it was Yumi making the shots. Various chances were obvious in hindsight but she didn't take advantage of any of them. “My quirk isn't as flashy as the others and..I’m terrible at timing despite my speed…which is something I need to work on...”, she admitted as she fidgeted in the jacket nervously. “But I...I need to see my own skills for how it is when you put it in that sense…” she did her best to not get so flustered over praise. In a sense, she never really got that sort of enforcement during her time so it was surprising to hear it. She always felt like for every step she took, the world was already trailing behind her. Frustration could be a root cause but she didn't want to dwell on it.
“ and I...definitely need to get out more...and focus less on training daily...it's nice to do this”, she’d respond as her expression started to relax a bit. Fresh air and a good change for her could be a step in the right direction towards mending this. Though a tinge of her attitude is a bit mad but she will get over it in time. “..I’ll do my best to avoid that outcome next time. Next time I’ll give you a proper fight”, she jokingly responded as she leaned back on the frame on the bed.
“Hm, what is it?”, was all she responded with as Yumi opened up with an odd question. She looked a bit confused as she wondered what it could be about. She was in the proper head space and she can’t do much to refuse since things were calming down.
"Eh?" she react immediately as Yumi asked.
The question did hit her like a bullet train as she asked it. No expression could be registered as she tried to not get worked up over a question. She wasn’t mad at all, but she never gave it any actual thought. Her interests were always secret so she had no idea on how to answer it. All she could do was take a deep breath and answer to the best of her ability.
“I’m….well uh…...I think I’m a bit on both sides? Kinda I think? I mean I can see the appeal in both but I have never had experience with either...I mean not in that sense but y’know like actually in a relationship and uh...well this is the first time I was asked this and I don't know how to respond as uh….Wow look at that bird out there!-!”, the words started to flood out in a stream as she got a bit flustered. Laughing nervously, eyes darting around the room, and legs shifting nonstop. "Smooth Feng, real smooth- Oh shut it Fei, like you have a better answer.", the voice in her head sarcastically react.
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