Post by Feng "Fei" Yao on Feb 24, 2020 21:57:30 GMT -4
Pain
It was the only thing she could recall from the fight. What kind of pain one may ask? All of it. Every kind of pain imaginable.Despair, Heartbreak, Regret, the feeling of being slammed into the ground, the sensation of the volts going through her body. It was immense, it was deserved, it was a mistake, it was everything that can go wrong within a single day. The words she said, the intense feeling her chest that will never leave, the tears that keep flooding out as she would sit in the room alone. “Why did I do that, Why did I do that, [smear:#bd1f19]Why did I- Feng[/smear:#12882e:0], you fucking idiot. You absolute fucking idiot”, the voices echoing in her head.
Regret would be the only emotion that remained after the tears would dry. She would wallow in self-pity as she would remember what Fei said to her and how she actually felt. Was it jealousy or envy? Was it the battle itself or letting her own personal emotions dictate her actions? Did she actually feel like this or was it the rush of emotions that made her act the way she did? The more she looked back on her actions, the more confused she got. Fei was her voice of reason and she ignored it to prove some kind of point.
Maybe a part of her was so tired of losing that it all just came crashing down. She had been keeping so much of her own emotions locked away and distracted herself with her own work. Never stopping to think about the world around her and how she affected it. All of these feelings locked away, each and every one she hated with a passion. They were everything she hated about herself, it was everything she desperately tried to hide and she failed. She failed and hurt one of her good friends in the process. God if only her sister could see her now and the pathetic mess she made of herself. Her mother would give her a lashing for the stupid amount of stuff she did today. What would the others think of her if they knew what they were talking about? Would there even be a right answer for that? She would only stare at her hand as she would contemplate on what to do next.
“I warned you. I absolutely warned you and you [smear:#12882e]didn’- [/smear:#bd1f19:0]YOU WEREN'T EVEN A THING UNTIL LIKE A DAY AGO.”, she would speak out against her in an agitated tone. “And you lashed out against your so called ‘friend’ over a crush. If we are starting to play the game where we state the [smear:#12882e]obvi- [/smear:#bd1f19:0]WE’RE THE SAME PERSON IDIOT!”, She would interrupt as if the voice was sitting right in front of her. “Idiot? C’mon who is the one who let her emotions interfere with [smear:#12882e]a - You[/smear:#bd1f19:0] were the one in control, remember?” she would retort as she would raise her index finger. “ While you did good early on, you dropped the ball when you were STARRING DOWN THE BARREL OF THE [smear:#bd1f19]RAILGUN![/smear:#12882e:0] THAT'S BECAUSE I FELT BAD FOR THE GIRL! SOMETHING YOU WERE PERFECTLY FINE IGNORING BECAUSE OF YOUR FEELINGS”, she would argue loudly as she would. This back and forth would go in circles as they both repeat the same points over and over again. It was fortunate that no one else walked in during the exchange because this scene is as stupid as it can get.
She would get tired with the banter within her head as she would lay down and stare at the ceiling. “God this sucks...this is the worst it has ever [smear:#bd1f19]been.[/smear:#12882e:0] Considering what happened last year, this tops the cake by a country mile. What do you even plan on doing to apologize? You can't imagine that a simple apology would fix this like nothing?[smear:#12882e].......[/smear:#bd1f19:0]”, She would shuffle in her bed as she would mull over it. Slowly sinking into her slump yet again as she would think about what everyone else was doing right now. Knowing them, they are doing way better than the sorry sight here.
It wouldn't be the last of this as she would continue to do this during her limited time here. Just...thinking.
It was the only thing she could recall from the fight. What kind of pain one may ask? All of it. Every kind of pain imaginable.Despair, Heartbreak, Regret, the feeling of being slammed into the ground, the sensation of the volts going through her body. It was immense, it was deserved, it was a mistake, it was everything that can go wrong within a single day. The words she said, the intense feeling her chest that will never leave, the tears that keep flooding out as she would sit in the room alone. “Why did I do that, Why did I do that, [smear:#bd1f19]Why did I- Feng[/smear:#12882e:0], you fucking idiot. You absolute fucking idiot”, the voices echoing in her head.
Regret would be the only emotion that remained after the tears would dry. She would wallow in self-pity as she would remember what Fei said to her and how she actually felt. Was it jealousy or envy? Was it the battle itself or letting her own personal emotions dictate her actions? Did she actually feel like this or was it the rush of emotions that made her act the way she did? The more she looked back on her actions, the more confused she got. Fei was her voice of reason and she ignored it to prove some kind of point.
Maybe a part of her was so tired of losing that it all just came crashing down. She had been keeping so much of her own emotions locked away and distracted herself with her own work. Never stopping to think about the world around her and how she affected it. All of these feelings locked away, each and every one she hated with a passion. They were everything she hated about herself, it was everything she desperately tried to hide and she failed. She failed and hurt one of her good friends in the process. God if only her sister could see her now and the pathetic mess she made of herself. Her mother would give her a lashing for the stupid amount of stuff she did today. What would the others think of her if they knew what they were talking about? Would there even be a right answer for that? She would only stare at her hand as she would contemplate on what to do next.
“I warned you. I absolutely warned you and you [smear:#12882e]didn’- [/smear:#bd1f19:0]YOU WEREN'T EVEN A THING UNTIL LIKE A DAY AGO.”, she would speak out against her in an agitated tone. “And you lashed out against your so called ‘friend’ over a crush. If we are starting to play the game where we state the [smear:#12882e]obvi- [/smear:#bd1f19:0]WE’RE THE SAME PERSON IDIOT!”, She would interrupt as if the voice was sitting right in front of her. “Idiot? C’mon who is the one who let her emotions interfere with [smear:#12882e]a - You[/smear:#bd1f19:0] were the one in control, remember?” she would retort as she would raise her index finger. “ While you did good early on, you dropped the ball when you were STARRING DOWN THE BARREL OF THE [smear:#bd1f19]RAILGUN![/smear:#12882e:0] THAT'S BECAUSE I FELT BAD FOR THE GIRL! SOMETHING YOU WERE PERFECTLY FINE IGNORING BECAUSE OF YOUR FEELINGS”, she would argue loudly as she would. This back and forth would go in circles as they both repeat the same points over and over again. It was fortunate that no one else walked in during the exchange because this scene is as stupid as it can get.
She would get tired with the banter within her head as she would lay down and stare at the ceiling. “God this sucks...this is the worst it has ever [smear:#bd1f19]been.[/smear:#12882e:0] Considering what happened last year, this tops the cake by a country mile. What do you even plan on doing to apologize? You can't imagine that a simple apology would fix this like nothing?[smear:#12882e].......[/smear:#bd1f19:0]”, She would shuffle in her bed as she would mull over it. Slowly sinking into her slump yet again as she would think about what everyone else was doing right now. Knowing them, they are doing way better than the sorry sight here.
It wouldn't be the last of this as she would continue to do this during her limited time here. Just...thinking.
