322 Posts
1 EP
EXP
Total
16 Years
Male
"Instinct"
Student-Rank Quirk:
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Post by Chimera on Feb 15, 2020 12:39:11 GMT -4
931 WC Oh boy, this'll be fun | The last twenty-four hours had been a trip. I mean, yes, okay, literally it had been a trip, but not for the entire twenty-four hours since about lunchtime yesterday, but there had been a trip involved both literally and metaphorically. The plane ride had been fine! Totally fine. Even with several somebodies capable of disassembling the plane either by pure strength or thought or whatever, it had been a pretty peaceful flight. It helped that it was one he was familiar with and they were going somewhere he loved to be--that being literally his home town--so he could focus on that...Instead of other things. But upon landing and being set up in the hostel, Chimera was having an increasingly harder time keeping his brain focused. Or unfocused. Because he was still right next to Yojin the whole time. On the plane they'd had seats by each other--because of course they would, they were friends--and in the hostel--because Yojin was so bad at English he'd probably get lost without Chimera around--and just...just...fuck, he'd never even noticed how many hours of the day he spent around or thinking of the bastard, but now--Now it was so clear. He was acutely aware of where he was at all times. Next to him in a seat he could hear when his breathing slowed to the recognizable slowness of sleep. He recognized his footsteps compared to others in the hall. He could and did do that with other people that he was familiar with, sure, but he did it subconsciously. Now he was realizing it, and realizing it made it so so SO much worse, because now he couldn't stop noticing how it felt. He felt. How he felt about him. What the fuck did he feel?! "I like you, Hino-chan." Five words. Five stupid words, and he was like this.
He'd already considered if he was angry, that was an easy one. He was worried about his slightly-littler sister dating--what sibling wouldn't be?--but if he had to pick anybody she could have a crush on or go out with then his best friend wouldn't be the worst option in the world. Yojin was a lunatic, yes, but not a bad person. He made questionable choices but only because he was trying to help other people. She could have picked far worse assholes or scumbags to have feelings for. So he wasn't angry about those five words.
Was it fear? Fear for..what? Fear that Angelica and Yojin could become an actual couple? Or, hell, that they already were one?! He hadn't stuck around to hear his response--he fucking should have stuck around to hear his fucking response. But he had just run away before he even realized why he'd done it. Was it out of fear? He usually only ran from something anymore because he was afraid. Afraid of pain, afraid for a friend, afraid that somebody he cared about was going to be hurt if he wasn't right by their side right now--
So why would he be scared of this? Again, Angelica could have had much worse taste, and she could be really good for Yojin. She was a bit controlling and a bit of a hard-ass, sure, but he needed some structure. He needed a girl who could challenge him, both intellectually and emotionally. She was never the sort to beat around the bush about her feelings. If he ever did something to hurt her she would let him know, and she wouldn't stick around if things got bad. She was smart. He was smart. If they were together, they'd be fine.
So he wasn't mad, and he wasn't scared. He wasn't sad, either, because the idea of his sister and best friend finding somebody they loved was good! Two of his most favorite people being happy made him happy, too!
...except...except it didn't. Why didn't it. Why didn't he feel happy about this. Why wouldn't he feel happy about this? Why would he feel sad? Why did he feel sad? There needed to be a reason, right? There needed to be some core problem he wasn't thinking about. Some reason that Angelica having feelings for Yojin would make him want to cry. She was his sister, but she was smart and strong and would be able to make any decisions on her own. So he was definitely not worried that she would get hurt, or that she would hurt Yojin...
...so then the problem wasn't that Angelica had feelings for Yojin, but...that...
...he...
...
[PM@Saito: Hey I've GOT to take a walk around today, can you come with?] [PM@Saito: I gotta ask you something really bad. 😟] Chimera stood a building down from the hostel, phone in one paw and stylus shaking a little in the other. Saito was the only person he could think of with an answer to the two questions he had swimming in his head right now. Okay, there were a lot more than two going on right now, but those two were the biggest and loudest right now. And he trusted Saito not to say anything about this to anybody, because he was actually good at keeping quiet when he needed to. As much as Chimera liked a lot of his friends they weren't the best at that. He needed somebody who understood and wouldn't say anything.God, couldn't I have just been born looking like this...? Like a goddamn freak?? Isn't that different enough, without me being...being...fucking hell... |
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104 Posts
1 EP
EXP
Total
16 Years
Male
Student-Rank Quirk:
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Post by Saito Yamada on Feb 15, 2020 14:56:50 GMT -4
Wowie I accidentally edited over this first post but pretend that it was pretty cool and it had 224 words tyly <3
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322 Posts
1 EP
EXP
Total
16 Years
Male
"Instinct"
Student-Rank Quirk:
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Post by Chimera on Feb 15, 2020 15:56:18 GMT -4
369 WC Save him | Time passed; not a lot, but enough that Chimera's nerves had begun to eat at his insides like maggots. It was not a pleasant feeling. He shoved his phone into the pocket of his jeans and tried to avoid listening to the familiar voices he could hear going on in the hostel. Some classmates, some teachers, some he really could not afford to think about at this very moment...he really needed a pair of headphones that fit on his ears to either drown out noise or blast music into. The familiar scent of flowers drew his attention back from his thoughts, though, and Chimera turned to see Saito quickly approaching, and he smiled weakly. Good. Okay. Distraction. No, not technically a distraction, but for a few seconds he could put off the core of the matter, right?
Wait, no, Saito already jumped to bringing up Yojin's name, and the sound of it made Chimera's insides tie into a bunch of angry little knots, and his better judgement won out. Nope, it could not wait. He had to get this out quickly, or he was going to vomit or cry or something else bad awkward on a public street.
Chimera followed along with Saito's motions, ignoring everyone else with the ease of a person suffering from very bad tunnel vision. The touch on his arm made his nuzzle feel hot. Oh boy. Was this a thing now. Was this why--no, nope, he could not think about that right now--but he HAD TO. "Um, yeah," a weak chuckle, "It's been kind of weird that I'm getting, like, re-used-to listening to English everywhere instead of Japanese. Never thought I'd have bilingual problems like that. Uh, how are you liking York. anyway?"
Bad, bad, that's a distraction sentence. Come on and cut to the chase!!
"N-No not, not...um...he's fine," Chimera lied, "He's still Yojin. Just. Uh, Saito, when did--I mean--" AURGH. "--did your...sister...ever like one of your friends? Like...as in had a crush on them?" THIS IS NOT THE RIGHT SUBJECT YOU COWARD. "...because I...caught Angelica giving s-somebody homemade chocolates and, uh, I just don't know how to handle it right now?"
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104 Posts
1 EP
EXP
Total
16 Years
Male
Student-Rank Quirk:
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Post by Saito Yamada on Feb 20, 2020 16:27:56 GMT -4
[nospaces] [googlefont="Cherry Swash:400,700"][googlefont="Open Sans"][googlefont="Yanone Kaffeesatz"] [attr="class","heart-wrap"] [attr="class","heart-top"] [attr="class","pull-left"] [attr="class","avatar"] [attr="class","over"] Saito Yamada [attr="class","deff"]  [attr="class","pull-right"] [attr="class","imp-links"] [attr="class","link-block"] TRACKER [attr="class","lyric"] Rattle the chains... [break] Break the bonds... Free the beast.. [attr="class","below"] [attr="class","box"] 325 [attr="class","box full"]Doesn’t she make her own candy? [attr="class","heart-content"] [attr="class","content-div"]
Chimera looked weird. Now, this wasn’t a judgement of his mutated friend, his fur and outgrowing horns and floppy ears caught him enough attention. It was, however, something odd. Saito had seen Chimera in various states of emotion, for various reasons. The cloud glazing over his eyes, though he looked right at Saito, was new. An indication that something indeed might’ve happened. Something serious. Saito’s heart tensed a little and a single butterfly fluttered at the inside of his ribs.
[break][break]
Speaking about his getting ‘re-used’ to English, Chimera’s voice sounded more or less usual. Silver hair brushed back by the chilly wind, Saito hummed when asked about how he was finding this quaint city. The architecture was fascinating. The gothic style and aged, yellowed brick betraying centuries of history and unfathomable thoughts - staring through the rose windows of the Minster just a ways away caught him entirely off-guard. Saito liked to people-watch. And gazing into history, he’d been finding, was like trippy people-watching. Not to mention the lovely time he had with Hye during church service. The endless maze of new streets and nooks and smoky crannies leading to slimey back alleys and little businesses he couldn’t help but try to converse with.
It was wonderful. Beautiful. Glorious. Everything he didn’t think it would be.
“It’s aight.” Despite this, Saito was an idiot incapable of making the fancy words.
[break][break]
Then Chimera started to get to the crux of their conversation, just as they’d turned the corner. A bus rolled past, tall and loud and stinking of gasoline. Not red. The question if his sister ever liked one of his own friends made Saito, quite loudly, scoff.
“Sasaki?” He scratched his freshly shaven cheek, other hand deep in his hoodie pocket. “She’s always been happier keeping to her own little friend group. And uh- well- my friends from back then weren’t exactly the stand-up-members-of-society types like yall.” Saito turned his head to smirk at Chimera. “But I guess if she did like one of ‘em, I’d feel pretty much the same.”[break][break]
Saito took them down an errant street, uneven black rock curving and bulging beneath their feet as they walked. He continued the thought, “Angie’s got a crush on someone, huh? Lucky them~” His sarcasm wasn’t rude, but Saito and Angie often got into little jousting matches with their wit. Angie had a strong intellect, Saito had no fucking filter. It worked into a neat little ‘I tolerate you’ friendship. “And I definitely get the apprehension, bud, but our sisters aren’t babies anymore. They’re pretty much as adult as we are- capable of makin’ decisions for themselves…” He brought his hands behind his head as he walked and sighed. “Who’s this ‘friend’ she’s got eyes for anyways? Gotta be someone you think is real shitty for her, if it’s got you like this.”
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322 Posts
1 EP
EXP
Total
16 Years
Male
"Instinct"
Student-Rank Quirk:
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Post by Chimera on Feb 20, 2020 20:20:30 GMT -4
642 WC Oh damn he asked it | Had Chimera ever heard the name of Saito's sister before? He didn't recall, but he'd commit it to memory now. It was easy enough since they both started with "S". Sasaki and Saito. Paws on the pavement didn't make any noise even to his sensitive ears as they continued down the street--at least not over the dull roar of cars passing and Saito's voice cutting straight to his brain. Well, while it was definitely not the real heart of the matter, knowing he agreed that having his own sister crushing on one of his friends would make him a bit nervous did help a little. Now if only he'd actually been worried about that.
Things would have been so much easier if he were.
Chimera swallowed, ears drawing back and betraying the moment of dread Saito's words drew. "Yeah. I guess. It took me by surprise. Not because she's not...I mean, yeah, she's totally mature, more than me even, but she doesn't--hasn't--didn't really show any interest in romance before...or maybe I just never noticed? Because she was so focused on medicine and stuff..."
Before he even realized what he was saying, Chimera immediately barked out a laugh. It was bitter on his tongue and harsh in his throat. It didn't feel good. But dammit, he didn't have the chance to reign it in. If he tried, he might stop talking again, and try to come up with another bullshit excuse. And besides, what Saito had said was...wrong. "Shitty for her?? No, no, that's totally not the problem. If anything I think he's perfect for her. Or she's perfect for him. They'd be great together." Ouch. His lips curled into a bad mockery of a grin. That hurt to say out loud. "Like, even though I think he's personally a dumbass, he's totally smart enough to keep up with her--and she might be the right kind of person to kick him when he needs it. And they're both...so kind."
Stab. Twist.
"I know Angie is a bitch sometimes in the chat but I've known her since we were kids. It's not a front, but...she cares so much about people that her whole reason for going into medicine is for those people. For me and my siblings and mom...she just doesn't show it. And he's exactly the same. He can't leave a single person, even one he doesn't know very well, to suffer. He has to help them even if it gets him into trouble or danger or...just..." Chimera brought his hands up to rub at his neck, claws scratch at his fur not hard enough to hurt but enough to keep him grounded. He hated that his stomach felt like it was full of hot iron right now. He hated that it tasted like salt saying these things.
They were good things. They were good together. He should be happy.
"But when I think about them together it makes me feel like I want to eat a pound of chocolate." Chimera laughed again, softer and more hollow than before. While chocolate wasn't deadly to him as it would be for dogs it still got him very, very sick. He made a point of reminding people this on Valentine's Day. Hell, it was the reason he'd stayed in the dorm during lunch--just the scent of it made his insides churn. But because he'd been at the dorms...he'd overheard all of that. He should have just suffered the pain then instead.
It'd be saving him a lot of pain right now.
Say what you really wanted to say. Ask what you really wanted to ask. Otherwise this is never going to go anywhere. You need to say it. Come on.
"Saito...wh-when did you first realize that you...liked Hye-chan...?"
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104 Posts
1 EP
EXP
Total
16 Years
Male
Student-Rank Quirk:
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Post by Saito Yamada on Mar 15, 2020 10:27:37 GMT -4
[nospaces] [googlefont="Cherry Swash:400,700"][googlefont="Open Sans"][googlefont="Yanone Kaffeesatz"] [attr="class","heart-wrap"] [attr="class","heart-top"] [attr="class","pull-left"] [attr="class","avatar"] [attr="class","over"] Saito Yamada [attr="class","deff"] [attr="class","pull-right"] [attr="class","imp-links"] [attr="class","link-block"] TRACKER [attr="class","lyric"] In the springtime, [break] You hadn't followed. So I found you, cold. [attr="class","below"] [attr="class","box"] 772 [attr="class","box full"]I still miss him. [attr="class","heart-content"] [attr="class","content-div"]
Listening to this was a little painful. Now, Saito wasn’t a savant of emotional intelligence. Wasn’t educated on how to read a man by the way he holds a hand of cards. But even he could tell that this was bothering his friend to a profound degree. And even he could tell exactly who he was talking about as soon as he called him a dumbass. Yojin. So Angie had a crush on Yojin? Weird. Well, sure, she’d always ‘flirt’ with the blonde in the chat, but if everyone who flirted with someone had a crush on that person the school would be a spider web of unrequited feelings. Saito’s eyes trailed up to the slice of sky that the tall buildings either side of this mysterious alleyway squeezed like fresh, blue juice. Yojin. Yojin and Angie. Yeah, he could see why this was hurting. Realising that he’d just missed a chunk of the conversation, Saito stopped midway down this alley to listen again, turning fully to his taller friend, hearing;
[break][break]
"But when I think about them together it makes me feel like I want to eat a pound of chocolate."
[break][break]
Did it hurt that bad, buddy? Saito watched with an unreadable expression as Chimera fell to silence. They stood there like that for a little while until Chimmy asked his next question.
[break][break]
”Saito...wh-when did you first realize that you...liked Hye-chan...?”
[break][break]
It was a tough question to respond to. Saito inhaled, slowly, through his nose, eyes closed as he thought.[break]“To be honest? No idea. I don’t believe in love at first sight.” Because he didn’t like Hye. He loved her. “And we’d known each other a few months before we started dating; which was when we visited Korea. We… Hit it off pretty quick, I guess. Similar tastes. Interesting new ones.” Saito’s whimsical smile was interrupted as he lightly traced his lower lip, remembering their soft spring memories. “People kept talkin’ how we should get together, so we did. But if you asked me to put a finger on the date I’d decided I loved Hye-Rin. And the date I’d decided to spend my life with her.” Saito shrugged, looking back to Chimera. “I don’t think I could. But I know that one day, I noticed that… whenever she smiled… it was like the clouds opening up for the first time in my life… Like the sun was something she’d built for me, all on her lonesome… just for me... “ He exhaled, restraining his dumb smile to a simply lazy smirk. ”Now, Chimmy, I’ve been in love before. I’ve had partners before Hye. My boyfriend was a guy I don’t think I could or would ever replace.” Was. Oh wow. It hurt a bit to mention him. Like swallowing a whole ice cube. “He felt different. We held hands differently. Hugged differently. We loved each other in a different way to the way I love my Buttercup. And for the longest time I thought I was betraying his memory by being with Hye, but I came to understand that love is not something you can stop yourself from feeling. You just feel it. And even if you don’t know it, it’s there. And it stays there, forever and ever..”[break][break]
Saito began to walk again, heading toward the exit of this alleyway, into the deep sunlit glow of day. ”’Til ya fall in love again, anyway. That’s what I’m, uh, tryin’ to put across here. Love’s cool and shit. Best thing in the damn world, but watching someone you love be happy without you is one of the worst fucking feelings imaginable. And it’s cool if you think you should just let em be happy, but your happiness matters too. Just cause someone’s missing a leg, doesn’t mean your broken ankle doesn’t hurt.” The boy turned to make sure Chimera was following and gave him a firm pat on his tall shoulder, a comforting but overwhelmingly ‘Saito’ look in his ocean-like eyes and his dumbshit smile. “So, maybe you should ask yourself why seeing Angie with ‘this guy’ has got you all tangled up if it’s not a case of them being wrong for each other, or a case of brotherly worry, eh? Maybe there’s something you’ve been missing about yourself.” Saito hinted, gripping his shoulder tighter and waiting. What a bro. Callin’ out his bro like that. Smh.
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322 Posts
1 EP
EXP
Total
16 Years
Male
"Instinct"
Student-Rank Quirk:
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Post by Chimera on Mar 15, 2020 11:03:36 GMT -4
704 WC oh damn he said it | Chimera managed to keep walking even while listening, but that was partially because he was still clawing at the back of his neck to keep his focus steady. He also wanted to listen. He was curious on top of hurting. He had to laugh, though, as he did--he'd been one of the people badgering Saito and Hye-Rin to get together at first. He'd stopped after being convinced they were just friends and that all the cuteness they'd been radiating was just them being good friends. He'd believed it, too. And it had made some things easier for him to personally digest. After all if friends like them could be so sweet and care so much about each other, then his own feelings could have totally been out of friendship as well. Then they'd started dating. And fallen in love.
And that complicated things.
Not because Saito and Hye-Rin was complicated, but because it'd made him start to doubt things. Things he'd set in concrete for a while. Things that had been pushed back and aside until a day ago when everything became...this.
He did stop short hearing the next part of Saito's spiel. Speaking of "this".
Oh. Right. He's also into...guys. He talks about it so easily.
Well of course he does, he has no reason to be ashamed of it. Love is love and all that. Neither of my moms are ashamed either. Or Elise and Tetsuko. Hell, there are so many people I know who are gay or bi or otherwise.
So. Why. The. Hell. Can't. I...
Saito's hand clapped down on his shoulder and made him jump. Not a big jump--and Chimera could jump pretty well with his bunny feet--but just a little. Enough that his ears were pulled back in surprise, exposing his face to the sun, and revealing the wet fur around his bright, blood-red eyes. Ah. Oops.
He felt words trying to shove themselves up out of his throat, but they were stuck. It should be easy. Saito was even implying it with his own damn words. And Chimera had been thinking it in loops for the last day--no, fuck that, he'd been thinking about it since spring last year, but had been ignoring it. Excusing it. Avoiding it. But it had been longer than that, hadn't it been? Since he was old enough to figure out that some girls liked girls and some boys like boys. There was no reason for him to be holding this in. Except for himself. Another hallow chuckled escaped his muzzle and Chimera brought his paws up to rub at his eyes. God, he was such a fucking crybaby still.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but please listen. If you don't I'm never going to say it.
And I have to say it.
"I'mnotmissinganything." He said it too fast, and it was in English, and he had to rewind his brain and say it again in Japanese or Saito would just be looking at him like he was speaking in tongues. "I'm. I'm not missing anything. I'm not. I know why it hurts. I know why I'm upset when everything else should make me really, really happy! But that's--that's the fucking problem! I...I don't want to be...I'm scared of being evenmorethings..." His throat tensed up and he had to choke to keep talking, but he had to. He had to. He was finally talking about it and if he stopped he knew he was scared he'd stop for good.
"Aren't I already different? Aren't I different enough?? You and Tetsuko and Elise and, fuck, even Jack--just--you're not normal, but you're so open about--about you. About this. And I'm such a goddamn coward. But h-he's been my friend since I got here and I'm so scared of scaring him off or of losing him and now I already--I just--I lost before I even got the courage to say anything...!"
"...why couldn't I just...just be what...what's 'normal' in one fucking way??" He made a sound somewhere between a harsh bark of laughter and a sob. "Why do I have to l-like...like him...of all the fucking people in this goddamn world..."
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434 Posts
EP
EXP
Total
26 Years
Female
Bestest-Rank Quirk:
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Post by Keiran on Mar 29, 2020 12:41:35 GMT -4
MOD MESSAGE: This thread was moved from the Exhibition Festival! Everything above this line was in the event! Everything bellow it is normal. We just wanted to continue it because it's important.
That is all! |
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104 Posts
1 EP
EXP
Total
16 Years
Male
Student-Rank Quirk:
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Post by Saito Yamada on Apr 3, 2020 18:20:26 GMT -4
[nospaces] [googlefont="Cherry Swash:400,700"][googlefont="Open Sans"][googlefont="Yanone Kaffeesatz"] [attr="class","heart-wrap"] [attr="class","heart-top"] [attr="class","pull-left"] [attr="class","avatar"] [attr="class","over"] Saito Yamada [attr="class","deff"] [attr="class","pull-right"] [attr="class","imp-links"] [attr="class","link-block"] TRACKER [attr="class","lyric"]The world spins and will continue to spin.[break]So why don’t we go get drunk? [attr="class","below"] [attr="class","box"] 708 [attr="class","box full"]I’d sell my soul for you. Or a whiskey…[break] Either works. [attr="class","heart-content"] [attr="class","content-div"]
That… Could’ve gone better. At first Chimera jumbled out something in English that, try as he did, Saito couldn’t translate. “Uh, wha-?” Then he continued. He watched him closely, hand still clamped there but getting gentler. He stopped again. Something about not wanting to be ‘more things’? The meaning was lost on him in those seconds but he’d understand.[break][break]
"Aren't I already different? ... But h-he's been my friend since I got here and I'm so scared of scaring him off or of losing him and now I already--I just--I lost before I even got the courage to say anything...!"[break]
"...why couldn't I just...just be what...what's 'normal' in one fucking way? Why do I have to l-like...like him...of all the fucking people in this goddamn world..."[break][break]
He said it. Saito’s eyes widened, like little moons, replaying the words in his head. Those motions, those expressions, the tone and the feeling. The confession. He imagined feeling pride at this moment - and he did - but it was overwhelmed by something else. Saito glanced around them. The alleyway was empty, thankfully. No one else had the right to see or hear Chimera’s words, even if they wouldn’t understand it. Then, satisfied that they had this privacy, Saito inhaled and spoke.[break][break]
“Because, buddy, that’s the part of love I didn’t touch on.” He got close. Sorta… hugged against him. His hand snaked around to Chimera’s back and gave it a strong pat. “We don’t get to choose who we fall in love with.” Saito looked up at his taller friend, smirking just a little but without a hint of humour. “Just as much as we don’t get to choose what we’re born with.” He gestured to his skin and Chimera’s fuzz. “Yojin-” Obviously it was Yojin. “I don’t think he feels the way we do about… guys. I ain’t a guru and I ain’t sayin’ I know for certain what he’s into… But that’s just the way it feels to me.” Saito let go and sighed, scratching his head.[break][break]
“Sometimes, life’s cruel enough to tally on another shitty circumstance for us to live with. Shitty quirks. Inherited diseases. Being black. Being gay, its a real roulette wheel of shit to fuck us with.” He didn’t let his eyes leave Chimera. Saito could relate. He could sympathise with what he was saying. Normalcy was something Saito wished for every time he had to spend thirty minutes playing mental hopscotch whenever he got annoyed. If he were religious, he’d be begging for it every night and crying every morning when the prayer didn’t get answered. But in a world like this, Santa didn’t exist. And there were only so many miracles to go around.[break][break]
“I can’t tell you to stop feeling this way. To stop loving him. Because that’s what this is, by the way, love. I can’t tell you to stop that. I can’t tell you that crying makes it better and I definitely can’t tell you that time makes it easier.” He felt really damn bad. How was this supposed to help Chimera? ”But I can tell you, for definite and for real, I’m here. And I’ll be here to help whenever and however I can - But Chimmy? I don’t think you’ve realised it yet-” The smile returned and turned dopey, a grin, of pride. “I think you just about came out of the closet - fucking finally. And that’s cause for celebration~!”[break][break]
He couldn’t mend the damage to his heart. But the heart was a muscle. And Saito knew enough about muscles to know - only through damage do they get stronger. He’d come out of this better and stronger than ever before. Now, he just had to get his buddy out of the hole because if he’s allowed to slip any further, there’s no telling if he could be dragged back out. Self-hatred was a terrifying thing to witness and Saito's seen enough hospital beds in his short years on Earth to know he didn’t want to see them again any time soon.
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322 Posts
1 EP
EXP
Total
16 Years
Male
"Instinct"
Student-Rank Quirk:
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Post by Chimera on Apr 5, 2020 12:59:46 GMT -4
638 WC Whee this sucks | Chimera's paws still covered his eyes, his head still ducked down as he tried to stifle the tears burning up behind them. He always, always cried too much. He had since before U.A and even now still did it. His moms said it was fine. Emi joked that it made him look more sympathetic. That strange janitor had even said that it was alright to cry, so long as the feelings were real. Well, weren't these real feelings? He liked somebody. Not somebody. He liked Yojin. He loved Yojin. It had been building and building, but every time he was close to admitting it himself somebody said something that pushed it all down.
But he knew that of all people Saito wouldn't be the kind to do that. He let him talk and let him cry and then he moved in close. Chimera couldn't see it but he could hear him just fine, and felt the arm around his back. It didn't make him jump like it usually would have. He leaned into it instead--which was a little funny, since he was a bit taller than Saito was--and kept crying.
Nothing he said sounded wrong to Chimera, either. It wasn't like he chose to have feelings for Yojin. Hell, if he could have picked a saner, nicer, safer man to get a crush on don't you think he would have? Yojin, of all the crazy know-it-all bastards in the world, was hardly what he could have considered his "type". Serperior fit that better. Cheerful, handsome, charismatic. Yojin was none of that. He barely took care of himself, was grumpy eighty percent of the time, and socially awkward the other twenty. And he was probably straight to boot.
Yet here he was sobbing over him.
Whee. This sucks.
But at the same time, even if he wasn't, if Chimera had a chance...
"......honestly," he mumbled into his elbows, given how his arms were held, still, with his hands rubbing at his eyes, "I don't know what's worse; that he's not bi or gay or whatever and I have no chance, or that even if he is my goddamn sister is my...what, rival? Romantic rival? I don't...God, even if I could tell him, I can't. Not. Not if she likes him too. I can't do that to my own sister..."
"Life's cruel" was right. This right here? This was just cruel. At least he had a friend like Saito to remind him that he was around to help and comfort him as needed. And, also, to make him laugh through a bout of heartbroken crying.
Chimera let out a small manic giggle between hiccups, and lowered his hands from his face. The fur around his eyes was soaked, the fur on his hands was soaked, he just looked all sorts of sad and soggy. His eyes were still gleaming with more tears as he looked slightly downward at Saito with...well, "a smile" was a stretch, but it was something in the same general vicinity. "I look like a wet plushie and my heart's beat to shit you want to celebrate? Fuck you." He shook his head and let out a long shaky sigh. He couldn't even muster up a fake angry voice. He just sounded tired. "Urgh. I. Did not ever think I'd say that out loud. To anyone. Ever. I still don't want everyone to know. I know you wouldn't just tell people. But. I felt like I have to say it. I'm still..."
He wrapped his arms around himself, trying to steady his breathing still. It wasn't working as well as he hoped but it was working. "...I'm still scared. I know nobody at U.A would hate me. I know that. I've known that. But still..."
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