Downpour [Nim's Saga | 5]

No other words hit her, she did not understand, she was dazed, there was just them, a bulb of light in her vision, she could only see her father. She could not stop crying but she whispered words in her native language, the language of her tribe to the man that she had missed so much and had to miss again. She brushed his hair away from his forehead, like he normally used to do himself. Of course with this weather it would stick to his forehead and just like her own hair it was stuck to her body and she did not notice if the blood was his or hers and she also had no idea if she was warm or cold, that were no matters of importance in the bubble that she was. She did not hear the sirens of the police that were coming closer, she did not hear footsteps, screams of other people that pass, she heard nothing. She heard herself saying words to him, he would have understood very little of it, she knew he tried to learn xhosa but it was very difficult if you did not know. 

But one word did reach her, her own name and she stared with big eyes at the lips of her father but they did of course not move. She looked up, the clear shock, desperation and pain visible in her eyes. It took her a moment to put the pieces together, as if this was still a dream, the worst nightmare in her life, she noticed her friend, yes. right. they were, where was she? Her tears showed up more and she could not speak of words, she could only make sounds to show her misery. She kept looking at Tony as if he could make it better, but she never let go of the man in her arms. If Tony would look, he would notice that she looked quite a bit like him, only their hair was different but the form of their eyes and nose and lips was exactly the same. Her own face was a little rounder compared that of her father. 

The sirens stopped, the red and blue light flashing on the building and the police hurried towards her and they seemed not to know what to do either. They took off their caps and gave her a moment to mourn. But they had to get out of here, they were vulnerable, she was vulnerable. A police officer approached but she pulled her father closer to her chest, no, no they would take him away. She looked desperate at Tony, they couldn't do that right? They couldn't separate them she needed him. She needed him alive. This was not true. She finally realized how cold she was and that she was drenched thanks to the rain and shivered but she wouldn't want to go. 

She nodded, all she could hear was that Tony said it is her father, yes. Yes, it is. It is, it was no need to use past tense yet, he would be fine, Nkosi could do it. Nkosi-why was it so quiet, why was no spirit speaking to her. Why did she feel so cold and so weak, why was there so much space in her head, where were her spirits. "Nkosi." She whispered the name of her healing spirit, "Nkosi please." She had no idea that she was saying it outloud. She wanted her spirit to do her goddamn work! She shivered again, she felt like just a print of herself, no depth, nothing to her. She did not hear the police officer whispering to Tony that Nimue must still be a target and that they must already be happy that they found her alive, because they had no idea who did this as well. They had someone say a strange noise had come from an empty warehouse and even if it was raining they had seen a blood trail going out but that disappeared with the rain eventually which was why it had taken them a while to find Nimue. The woman must be exhausted and she might get sick if she would stay out like this. He suggested they would bring her to the station. "Where is she?" Nimue finally said out loud, a reaction with quite a delay to Tony's earlier comment, she turned to him with her whole body, letting go of her father for now, he still was on her lap but that did not mean she couldn't turn to Tony.

"Nkosi, Nkosi isn't healing him, why not? I am a healer, why not, why isn't she doing anything?" The denial was obvious because she did not want to understand that it was a past thing, that her father could not be saved by her healing because she could not fix it. There was nothing to fix at this point. She stared at her friend with an empty expression in her eyes. "I don't get it." She cried softly, "T-This is my-this is my job. I should be able to fix it. I should," she hiccuped, "I should, I am a healer. I should fix this." But there was no possibility of fixing this anymore and she looked at her father again, but-but how? Her brain could not understand, which was why her spirits were silent, they were mourning.

Why wasn't she doing anything? What kind of healer was not healing? Where was Nkosi? Why did they not switch? Why did her eyes not turn green because that is how she channeled it. It was like grabble into an empty box while you knew something must be in there, yes air. She could not catch Nkosi, grab her to do her duty, a duty that Nimue did not want to realise was impossible. She wanted Nkosi to do whatever it was that she could or should do. She kept on crying even if she was aware of her own denial, she did not want to let go, "Dad, come on, we go home, joh? We will be fine, aibo we will be fine." But the mourning would not stop, there would be no way for him to answer her anymore. There was no higher person, there was nothing, they just wanted to take it all and they did because why as a villian would you care about any other humans that you shared the earth surface with.

She turned her watery eyes to Tony, for a second she had forgotten he was right next to her and she almost jumped up but she still was on the ground, holding her older man still against her. The rain made her cold, washing away any blood that was on her hand or on her father, it was difficult to see now that he was actually dead. She nodded and looked at her father, one of the officers hunched down next to her, "Let me carry him for you?" He asked politely and she stared at him with empty eyes before she finally nodded, she knew that she wouldn't be able to. So she let go, held her father's hand for as long as she could and when she tried to stand up, her legs almost immediately gave out and she would fall back again towards the ground. It was a miracle to think that she came walking here, crying, humming, anything, he needed a burial. A proper one like her people, no what was she talking about, she could fix this, he wasn't gone. His soul must be here, Nkosi, Nkosi could do this. This meant that if she wanted to stand up she would have to hold on to something, to someone and that someone, in this case, was Tony and she looked up to her friend. "I don't get it, I mean-I do but how can you hate someone you never met before so much?" And how could her father be so irrational with his information, she should have made him move in with her for the safety, in her apartment while she was at G and Hanako's. If she had been, "I saw this coming, if I had just been smarter, if I had thought one step ahead, he would be here, he would laugh silly, saying I was right but he would be here." If only she could turn back time to listen to her gut feeling and to risk that he would hate her for days only because it would mean he would be here.

She knew she was tired and the balance in her mind was off, from four people to three suddenly felt as she was missing a piece of her leg. It was numb, it was strange and she understood very well that she was a failure and that she would not be able to do what she should do. He had never thought her worthy and look at her now, she was pathetic, so much that he left her. And her father had to leave her. It wasn't fair and what was the point of being good if the cruel world took you awa-. No! That was not how she was allowed to think, she knew deep down that Nkosi couldn't fix this but she wanted her to try, why would it not work, why was she not doing anything in the first place. She had to lean on Tony to be able to even stand upright and she could not, the thoughts racing in her mind she had to say something, she had to ask him questions. Yes, questions, questions would bring answers and answers would be facts and she would just let it go.

Why could she not think one step ahead, why had she not followed her instinct and done what she should have done because this was so dumb. She had seen it coming, she could have fixed it, she could have saved him, she could have done everything a pro-hero should be able to do at that point because at the point of any other moment she would not be able to do so. She had no clue on Crowley but she had a clue on that someone would go after her dad and even if it was not him but Oracle. She looked up surprised to Tony as he seemed to be quite stern at her and she stared at him.

There were no words to say and she took a deep breath though and she leaned against Tony's chest and she nodded she wasn't sure if he would be because he wouldn't be dead in that case but she didn't want to think about it. She looked up again when he called her attention again by saying listen again. "Ha try finding Oracle is a good new challenge. I think I was in general already on their hate list but after arresting Lavande, I am definitely in the top 1 hate list." She shivered when the words of Kyoko went through her mind "I want that though, she needs to be found and put behind bars for safety of Tokyo and the districts." She could not allow herself to be selfish now. She took the head and nodded, she wasn't drenched as of yet, there was blood all over her outfit though but that would not matter, these clothes would be burned.

She would follow the police to the station and she could say goodbye to her father for that moment, it was weird, it did not feel like a goodbye so it was easy. She felt dizzy, weak, queasy, everything, "I am going home. Thanks for coming." She wasn't sure what to say and she took the hat off to hand it back to Tony as she forgot that she was wearing it, she would walk to the door of the station, still feeling so weak but she should not bother everyone and just go home.

It was still so unfair how she could do so much for everyone but that she would not be able to do something for herself. And not even for herself, she could not even think that selfish, but she might be, she needed her papa. She needed a healer, she needed Nkosi but there was no one there. She wasn't sure what to do, what to think about it but she was sure that it would not work, she was a failure. What was she even trying to do and even if Tony had just explained that she should not blame herself, it was not that easy. After all she had been there, she had been enraged, she had not listened and she failed her spirit by not listening to him and now he was gone too and she was vulnerable and stupid.

Suddenly she was hit with more tired feelings and she swayed on her legs but the whole thing was done and it was nice that she could have the support from Tony, what would she have done here in Shinagawa without a familiar face? She wasn't entirely sure but that did not change the fact that she was so tired now and she looked up and nodded, yes, they would bring them to prison and yet it still did not feel like her job. If Uphondu was here she would still want to kill Oracle but she shouldn't and it was such a strange contrasting feeling. And that made the headache and the queasy feeling and everything only worse but there was nothing to do. She wanted to sleep and maybe not wake up, because she did not want to live with this, if it was her fault or not. But that's not how life worked fascinating and she didn't want to accept the depressing feeling talk to her but she would see later. She had to hold on for no.

She had to force herself to look at Tony and thank him and she gave him his hat back and said she would go home. She did not want to take anything from anyone, she was maybe cursed, maybe a cleansing, maybe anything. "I think a taxi would be better right now." She wasn't sure how she would else manage it but she had to refuse him paying for it but she didn't manage and in the end she just looked outside in the taxi and went home. She noticed that a black car that had been following the taxi the whole time stopped at the corner and she thought she could see the face of the officer that carried her father and she turned to her door. It might feel a little bit safer.