Post by Deleted on May 28, 2018 13:10:10 GMT -4
- Your history generally feels a bit bland and I might suggest since you'll be needing to fix up some other things you try and give it a re-write. Currently it feels a little too focused on your quirk and not the character itself. Its a one note story of "This guy struggled as his quirk took over him". Perhaps think about writing a slower progression at first. Did it affect his family life first? Did his friends leave him? Did that drive him further into madness till he was drawn from the edge? Etc.
- Also, it would be of great aid to future readers if you segmented your history section (basically put it in paragraphs)
- Your quirk is riddled with a few issues. As this is my first app I'll be going by the rulebook and just explaining what you did wrong.
- Firstly, a transformation quirk gets only 3 features. Talking to a higher member of staff I have confirmed general 'stat buffs' are not a single feature, so your speed, agility, jumping power are all technically seperate features. You also have the ability to blend into darkness, generate weaponry, amplify your offense, and create an explosive beam, totalling in 7 features. You can have additional features as abilities, but these will need to take up your ability slots AND be described appropriately as F rank abilities.
- Your quirk dosn't have a timer as needed. You say you go mad after 3 posts, but that implies the quirk is still active until someone stops it for you. So you can have a "he goes mad after x posts" rule, but you also need "And the transformation ends anyway after x posts" rule on top of it.
To be clear, madness is not really a viable excuse to have this quirk be indefinite. Yes you may turn on your allies, but objectively you still remain strong and powerful, and in a room without allies, this is no drawback.
- As advised by a senior member of staff, your quirk is also far too close to that of your FC. You need to differentiate from your inspiration more clearly.
