Lost in Love [G & H]

She smiled at him, looking at his lips because his eyes were still a bit scary. She did know why and it wasn't because of Gil, it was the past but still, she smiled and she liked how he held her up so the kiss was easier and that he kissed her again. She felt very bad for hurting him like that, especially because he already knew the problem that wasn't even a problem at all. But that kiss, that he gave her, felt as if everything was already in the past, no matter how much seconds before it only was. It was no need to think about it anymore, it was over and not necessary, it did not happen. They did not break up and she was only more satisfied with the fact that she told him, she should have told him in a different way and especially not now, she should have talked about it not immediately threaten to break up. She did not know why she was so damn emotional. That was normally nothing for her and even if it was this memorial week for her, it was extreme. Maybe it's because she really liked G so much? 



She was dropped on the bed and immediately moved her legs up to sit up and wrap her legs in front of her, it worked just fine in a pencil skirt. She held her legs and looked at G beside her. She shook her head mildly, "I don't want to be a bug," But she found it cute he called her that, even if she did not like insects. But it was not that, she should focus on what she should tell him, "I didn't want to tell you, because I thought it was not important." Everything had gone so different now that they were dating, this last week. "I never celebrated Christmas anymore after the accident." She had told him a little bit about Nanami and her parents. "I never do anything on New Year's Eve because..." Okay, words, they were coming, she kept it steady. She fumbled with her shirt and her fingers moving one into the other, connecting around each other, letting go, "It's been eight years on the twenty-eighth of December. I just really don't know what to do this week in the year. I stop working, I go to my aunt and uncle but this year I didn't go because I had this interview even if I said I would not work and I wanted to spend time with you and then the thing with Haruuhi happened on the exact same date and and." She was having this wave of slight panic again. 

It was in the past. It did not happen, it was fine now. 

"Your nerd side is showing, maybe I can deal with being a ladybug." She smiled though because she did not mind in general because he was making a comment about things that he liked so she did not hate it really. She smiled at him before she felt that she was falling back into a wave of panic because she had to tell G what happened, it was after all more important than she thought. She was held in his arms and did not say anything. It felt safe and as if there was no other world outside this but them, this room and nothing else. No pain, no problems. She felt the tears well up in her eyes again and she started to cry again but without a sound and she hid her face in the crook of his neck because she did not want him to see her like that. 

She looked up again when he spoke after a while, "I am sure they actually do not care." she said it softly but it was loud enough, she should not have said that, it was rude and she did not know where it came from in this instant. "I want to make happy new memories." She said softly after that and tried to think of something because she could not take his time now. Next year was a new year, just as she had said after the Halloween problem. 


She tilted her head as she looked at him now, keeping a bit of a distance to be able to look in his eyes. She was afraid of this conversation, this is what drove her and Kazuto apart, because she bought this house and now it was basically the same, she wasn't sure if she was willing to give up everything she worked upon and they were barely together at nights, apart from Christmas, she had always gone home and a few nights he stayed here. "I-I am afraid that I don't know." She frowned her brow and looked at G, "I never considered anything. I just bought this house and that's about it." Maybe she wanted children? She did not know how to consider that. What were the ways to consider a future? 

She giggled, "Maybe I allow that, but I don't have a cute nickname for you. Except that you are my number one hero." She smiled at him because she liked it, maybe she would be totally okay with being called a ladybug. "Remember when we went bug hunting?" She said softly while in his arms. She was actually sure that she should also get used to Goliath if she did no longer want to be scared of him but she did not know how to say that right now. 

She looked him in the eye when she did not get a reaction at first and noticed his surprise. She made a "Hmpf"  sound as she had not seen that kiss coming but also did not break it, she did not know exactly what to say but she was glad he said that he cared. "Isn't that normal? I am not sure if I miss them and I feel horrible for thinking that. I want to make happy memories with you though. I wouldn't mind even making happy memories with you and your kids if they will have me." She said because that was true, she did not mind Miku and she hoped Haruuhi wouldn't hate her or something like that because she had no idea if she actually did. 

As she went to sit better to be able to look into his eyes she remembered what she said. She did not dare to say it now because it would be going all too soon but when Gil told her that he was dead on paper and a new man, she said the m-word. Marriage. They could get married. "I only know I want a future with you." She said between his words because she should have said that from the beginning. "I just don't know how and when and how everything works, I am afraid I screw up. I am really bad at this." She said something she repeated before but she did not want him to think about her fight and how she flinched when he yelled at her. She did not want to tell him why and make him angry. 

She smiled, "All I need." She giggled because of that idea, it was nice to have a private hero, especially when you are so clumsy and clueless as Hanako, bumping into Gorilla people, for example, was already bad enough. But lately it has gone fine, maybe it helped that he was the security guard or that she did not get ahead of stupid interviews and not offend everyone lately. Albeit surprisingly she expected more than the witch hunt at her work for her article with Tetsuko-chan. "I had never been so disappointed to be bug hunting the whole day." Hanako laughed but she had done it because Gil had wanted to do so. She could not remember entirely the reason why she had those thoughts but for now, it did not matter. She would not do it again at this age but it was a funny thing back when she was only five. Her mother had not been entirely happy either because the laundry was kind of muddy after that. Which was also normal, considering how many times Hanako would fall. 

Even if she wanted Gil from time to time for herself, she had come to peace (already quite soon) that he had kids and well it was a blessing that the diaper period was over that would have been a lot tougher. But it also meant that they were quick in forming opinions and she wasn't sure what the two thought of her exactly. Especially because she could not read Haruuhi her mind. Miku she was less worried about. 

She felt flustered as well when she noticed he blushed. It was obviously good she said it but she was kind of afraid that she had interrupted him and was rude. She looked at their hands as he held her and looked up directly into his eyes which made her blush very much as well. She only blushed more when after the moment of silence he added that he wanted a future with her too. She looked away shortly because she wondered how to form the question, "D-do you have any plans?" Because he only asked her, did he had an idea about how and when they might go and live together? Did he had any other ideas instead of what he mentioned before but was not meant for her ears at that point? 

She frowned because what would be a bit too early to do? She did not push him to ask any further because well he said it was too early and she did not want to create her own new moment of panic. Oh, how childish she had been and she talked about it with Macabre and it was all too embarrassing. The only thing that was fun, yet not during the circumstances, was his reaction to her new black hair. She wanted to ask him about it now but it felt like it defied it's purpose so she did not. She gave him a kiss on his cheek to get these thoughts out of her mind. She liked sitting like this, shame the reason why they got here was a bad one but she did not want to think about that any longer. 

She looked at him with surprise before she realized where she picked him up. Oh no Haruuhi! How could she be so selfish, she immediately wanted to get up from sitting on his lap on the bed because he had to go! She brushed ruin mascara away from under her right eye and if G did not stop her she would stammer and stutter about how bad she was at timing and she totally understood that he would have to go back to the hospital. "You don't want a shower or anything? At least let me make you a hot cocoa, I have a to-go mug." She was talking way too fast now that she felt guilty again and nauseous but that had reasons beyond her knowledge. She felt him squeeze her hand and she stopped talking and stared at it as if she just noticed for the first time. She wanted to say again how bad she felt for saying something like she did but what did it change for now, he had to go. 

If he would let her go, that was a good question, she would get into the kitchen to fix some hot cocoa. Even if she had panicked about a lot of things before, she had forgotten the issue about the white cell phone that was laying with its screen unlocked on the kitchen table, in a chat that seemed to be not for the normal civilian.