Maybe all they had left, was a fool's hope? [Tetsuko]

'A blunt blade was a useless one.'

Tetsuko had told herself that... More times than she could remember. After everything with Rin and the music night, after the tragedy that struck Elise's parents, after her many failures and incompetence during the events of the military camp... And now, as her lover lay with her hand against death's door after Tetsuko had failed to prevent her from falling to Nick Cross. At a time, she'd viewed that adage differently. It was a reminder that she had to keep her weapons and skills sharpened and honed, that letting her abilities diminish would leave them without any use to her in her many pursuits. Nowadays, she realized the truth behind that statement. Musashi had said seeking to do anything less than cutting was useless, but it was not the sword that imbued that intent. Tetsuko was the blade that had failed time and time again for not doing what she should've. Tetsuko was the useless one.

She didn't even deserve to be here, in Elise's darkest time, but here she was, simply because... Elise didn't really have anyone else. How tragic that Tetsuko Shindou had presumed she was enough. How tragic she'd let Elise rely on her, only to fail her time and time again. After the eternity of waiting, Tetsuko would soon find herself silently following along the doctor, entirely numb by this point with no tears left to cry. The doctor soon addressed her, before explaining things further, the situation Elise was in, the coma she'd been stuck in, bordering life and death. Tetsuko was wordless as she listened, knowing already that there wasn't going to be any 'good' news. God was too cruel for that. Instead, it seemed that Elise was healed, her Quirk organ was significantly harmed. Whatever, Tetsuko really didn't care if Elise couldn't use her Quirk again, so long as the girl was alive. That was far more important in her eyes.

The... Greater tragedy... Came with the reason behind Elise's comatose state. Her damaged brain left her unresponsive, trapped inside a body without life. Tetsuko hung her head, feeling something dark toil and boil within her. A lifeless body, a broken mind... It was all too familiar, and it kept happening to the people she loved the most. God's cruel jokes continued to play out without any resolution, and the punchlines only got worse. The once active and keen-minded Elise was now shackled by this body without life, and it was all the fault of the one she'd relied on so much. The useless blade that couldn't cut through anything.

Continuing down the corridor, the doctor explained that she might 'hear' whatever Tetsuko did tell her, the Shindou girl already knowing the many things she wanted to say. All of them, apologies. Some part of her, beneath all the blackness that festered in her core, did hold out some hope with the doctor's words, that she could still respond and that they might still be able to save her. Not Tetsuko, of course, but the doctors who could actually be relied upon to help her. Tetsuko couldn't shit, once again, to protect Elise. All she could do was sit by and watch the tragedies unfold, a spectator in this story that Elise found herself in, able to do nothing but react to these predetermined tragedies of a cruel God. Was it because this deity was so ceaselessly dramatic and dangerous? Or was she just too weak to stop any of it? Tetsuko didn't know, she didn't really care. All she knew was that, either way, she was useless, pointless.

Finally, past the necessary guard, they were inside Elise's hospital room, and Tetsuko's heart sunk all over again. This land, so pure and white, yet so oppressive and cold. The machinery only made the place more chilling, more bars on the cage that trapped the unconscious Elise at the centre of this pure white prison. With a gesture from the doctor, Tetsuko finally approached, her body feeling like it was moving through thick water as she slowly and steadily moved towards the hospital bed. Everything around her felt so delicate, fragile like glass, like life. Tetsuko gulped down all these overflowing and pitch black feelings that were rising again, until she was finally beside Elise's bed. She looked peaceful, at least. She wasn't suffering, at least. But that didn't take away the fact that Tetsuko had no right at all to be standing beside her now, to be the one who Elise was relying on yet again, to be the one who would surely be able to do nothing yet again. 

"I'm sorry..." Tetsuko said quietly, reaching out and lightly grasping Elise's hand. She didn't deserve this. She didn't... She just didn't know anymore. Tetsuko couldn't fathom this world that acted without her hand, where tragedies transpired and she was left with no agency to stop them, where the cruel Creator decided everyone's fate. Such a useless person didn't deserve to stand by Elise's side, yet here she was. Why? Well, in many ways, the answer we simple. It was because Tetsuko Shindou, despite all her honor, could still be as selfish as anyone else.

And that selfishness that was intertwined with her love for Elise... It both delighted and disgusted her. She didn't deserve to be by Elise's said. But she was anyway, so she could still do whatver it was she could.

"You're... Relying on me again... Aren't you?" Her words were laden with pain and turmoil, her eyes beginning to water as she spoke. "To wake you up? Am... I just supposed to ask you to wake up? Don't you already know that I want you to wake up?" This confusing and twisted world had stopped making sense a long time ago, but Tetsuko was still trying to fathom it nonetheless. "C'mon... Please just... Wake up..."

She was pathetic, thinking of nothing more she could say to draw out a response. Just a simple request, yet one that meant the world to her.

Nothing more could be said. Tetsuko, in all her pathetic self-loathing, found herself begging and pleading for Elise to wake up, a demand she had no right to make. The swordswoman's own incompetence and weakness had left her entirely unable to prevent her from falling into this state in the first place. So what arrogance, what disgrace it was to ask her now, to simply wake up, to live on, to continue existing... Then why? Why did Tetsuko ask so desparately, why did she dare to request that Elise wake up? Perhaps... The swordswoman thought it might even be best if she weren't here. Elise had plenty of other friends, ones many more times reliable than she, so why was she the one here, so selfishly requesting that Elise awoke from this deep slumber?

A gentle squeeze came against Tetsuko's hand, and her eyes widened with surprise. Of course, it made sense Elise would still be fighting, would still be responding to whoever might call her name. At that point Tetsuko had no belief that she needed to be the one to call out for the Germanic girl, but that aside, Elise was still there. Still... Alive. The moisture in Tetsuko's eyes began to build more, as she continued asking herself why she was here, why any of this had happened, why did she still act like she even deserved to be by Elise's side, and after all this time... What was Elise to her?

Turning to the doctor's words, Tetsuko felt both elated and sickened by what he had to say. To know she was still there, and could be pulled from her slumber, was a cruel hope that the swordswoman nonetheless clung to... But the damned part of his news was how he insisted that it was somehow Tetsuko who was pulling her back, as though she could be relied on for such a thing. Why? Why would Elise want to continue being by the side of someone who could do naught to protect her, to stop harm from falling upon her? It was ludicrous, horrendous, yet... Tetsuko had no choice but to keep on trying. Why she remained there, she didn't know...

"I... I know you're there Elise... Wake up... C'mon... Please..."

Perhaps it was something she could trace back, far into that thing she held so dearly. To the young, clueless girl who'd stumbled her way into this Eastern land, only to be found and protected by a sporty gray-haired little brat who thought she could become a great swordsman someday. Maybe she could trace it back to the times they spent as children, young and stupid, figuring out what kind of place the world was, all its kindness and cruelties, yet never really knowing a damn thing about it. Their junior years, filled with freedom and foolishness, with despair and joy and so much... Stupidity. Until it all came to a head, and they both had to come to terms with the consequence of the time they'd spent together, when they both had to come to accept the consequences of falling for someone.

"Shit... What else am I supposed to ask? Anyone else... Would know..."

Then... Everything. Tetsuko let her feelings for Elise free, yet, in all the time they'd spent as lovers... They had never stopped being best friends. They had never given up the past behind them, Tetsuko... Had always been too afraid to let it go. They'd been more intimate, they'd talked idly of attraction and the future, but... All this time... Had any of it meant a damn thing? Tetsuko Shindou... Hadn't let her feelings free. Not really. It was just a roomier cage. Even as she watched the past slip away, bit by bit, it remained there. The reason therein was the same reason she stood by Elise's bed right now. Why she desparately refused to give in, to give up.

Tetsuko Shindou did not deserve Elise's future.

But damned if she already have her past.

And the past... Was something Tetsuko held onto with all her might, til her fingers were bruised and bloody. What a fool she was...

"Anyone else... All this time I... Eli... I don't know how to say sorry for all that I've failed to do, for every mistake I..." The past. That was all Tetsuko really had. It was all she could call upon now, it was all she could hope to find happiness in. "I've failed you so many times, but if you wake up now, you won't have to rely on me... You never have, but I..." She held the hand more tightly, choking back her own sobs.

"I still need you to be here... I don't want to lose part of it again..."

In the end, there was nothing Tetsuko Shindou treasured more than the past... And so she clinged so desparately onto the only part of it that remained, praying and hoping that it would come back, so she could fulfill the promises of their youth...

There was nothing more important than the past, for the past could not be changed. Perhaps that was the reason Tetsuko clung to it, or perhaps, she just didn’t want to lost the things she still had, few as they were. Or maybe, as the past didn’t have form, so had Tetsuko ascribed it’s being upon the only person who remained from hers... Perhaps she was just going insane. It didn’t matter in the end, all that did, was how she kept holding so tightly to Elise’s hand.

As tears began to roll down, Tetsuko felt her hand gripped back, almost an act of protest by Elise in response to the swordsman’s words, but the Shindou girl found herself shaking her head, squeezing Eli’s hand tighter and fighting against reason itself. ”No, Eli, don’t... Don’t keep getting yourself hurt, don’t rely on me... Wake up, with your own strength, that’s strength you have... And I promise, you won’t need to put your faith in someone who can’t even return your love...” After all this time... Tetsuko still wavered on whether she knew the answer to that question. At times, she thought she’d figured it out... But if that was really the case... Was a love that couldn’t protect Elise even something worth calling love?

”Let me selfishly beg you... To not let my past die with you... To not let me watch someone I care about so much fade away again...”

Tetsuko continued to think back on all their times together, holding each other, embracing and speaking so carelessly of affection and love. The attraction Tetsu had felt seemed only to make her feel worse for having let Elise rely on her so much, and the Shindou girl found herself seeing only one thing... Time. The past, the future and the present... All stretching in front of her, one certain, one uncertain, one still unfolding...

And it was the last that worried her the most. For she knew she would fight... And soon would form to learn Elise would do the same... Yet the outcome was not known.

As the squeezing continued, it became clear something was wrong, the machine’s beeping corroborating this theory. Tetsuko, panicked by the thought she’d done something wrong, stepped back and looked to the doctor, eyes wide with concern. In short time, a nurse was in, and managed to calm her down, Tetsuko’s own heart returning to a steady pace as she did. Elise was fighting alright...

”Eli... Please, stay strong. I’m not enough to save you... But I know there a more who will fight, you just need to keep fighting too...”

Tetsu looked to the doctor after those heartfelt words, wiping away the tears from her eyes. She’d made up her mind. Tetsuko would do all she could to guard the past with her acts in the present. ”What... Happens now?” Tetsuko inquired with a cold look.

She didn’t deserve Elise’s love. That didn’t mean she couldn’t selfishly fight for her life.

Elise settled well enough, back into the darkness that the vile creature Nick Cross had inflicted upon her... Even among all her feelings of self-loathing and inevitable inadequacy, the Shindou girl's tears began to ease, as a somber resolve settled over her. Like amongst the fog, certain paths became clear to the young swordswoman. Three single paths stretched out all around her. The past, the future, the present, all extending out infinitely, with her at the center, standing upon a lone isle of iron.

There would yet be scans to do on Elise's brain, but they would apparently need a skilled surgeon to get the blood flowing... Some way to control the flow of blood. Of course, it didn't take long for someone to come to Tetsuko's mind, her eyes cast down as that dark-haired face flashed before her mind, and mixed feelings swelled around it. The one who Elise had sacrificed this for, so foolishly... Tetsu didn't dare ask herself, if she had the choice, would she have preferred it that Elise didn't intervene? Tetsuko... Feared the answer to that question... So did not dare ask it to herself. 

Her fists balled up, hate taking root deep in her heart, for Nick Cross, and for Thunder Shock, who'd taken another possibility to save Elise... These horrible people, who killed and took what wasn't theirs, they'd continued to bleed dry the people Tetsuko cared about. They hid in the fog around the path of her past, laying it with blood, tearing down the bridges that kept her tied to the memories and entities she held dear... Yet she stood idly by.

The doctor was right. They did have to go beyond science, they had to beyond the weak people they were to do this. Tetsuko knew how damn weak she was, but that wouldn't stop her from doing what she could. Even if she couldn't be the one to save Elise, it would still bring her honor, bring her peace to bleed and sweat for Elise's sake. So that's exactly what she planned on doing. As the doctor left, Tetsuko would bow her head to him in thanks, before turning back to Elise, eyes laid upon the girl enveloped in darkness, as the Shindou girl once again felt that dark clarity she had during the events of Semper Fi. 

Tears were slow, but did not stop completely. Tetsuko breathed in steadily, before kneeling before the side of Elise's bed, both her knees on the ground and hands firmly against them as she closed her eyes. She saw it again, less tangible than before, but as cold as it had always been. The iron island, the paths that stretched around it, the past, the future, the present, the darkness, the fog, the lantern, the sea, the sky... It was all just noise. The noise that didn't change the conclusion Tetsuko Shindou had reached. The selfish bladesman found faces flashing before her mind, as the world ground down to its simplest forms. The Eisenbergs. Tetsuko's mother. Her grandfather. Elise. Rin. Thunder Shock. Nick Cross. 

Faces and feelings flowed through her mind, interwoven with the paths before her. Some lay inevitably in her path, some threatened to destroy what was already laid, some... She didn't even know. Breathing softly, Tetsuko raised her hand in front of her, palm facing up as it held firm onto nothingness, yet she felt the weight of a blade nontheless. Perhaps she'd had it wrong all this time. Perhaps a blunt blade wasn't the problem, but rather, one that stayed in its sheathe.

"I don't deserve to be by your side Eli. I know nothing of love, of my heart, of anything less than fear... But now I realize. I can't... Live on... Idly. I can't protect my past and act weakly in the present. I simply... Cannot." She scoffed at herself, head bowed in shame. "How strange... I can't say if I love you. Yet I can tell you I'll hold a blade for you. That I'll let myself be hurt for you. I'm sorry for that burden, Eli... I'm sorry but... You're the last part of it I can't lose. I'm sorry that I care so much, yet give so little. That'll change... Even if I can't let you rely on me... I'll still... Carry my own burden."

She breathed in, and stood to her feet. She had somewhere to be. Someone to see.

"Maybe I'm just a fool trying to protect my honor... I guess we'll see..."

Tetsuko laned forward, holding Elise's hand one more time, before slipping from it, and being on her own way. The young swordswoman had perhaps found something she had long been looking for, yet the cost and purity of this discovery... Was something that would be left to time itself, to test things as it always did. 

/EXIT