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Post by Yumi Tasukai on Jul 12, 2020 14:58:51 GMT -4
Yumi had arranged a meeting with Mosa today but truth be told she was hesitating on the arrangement. As much as she liked to try and be otherwise she could care a lot what other thinks when she wasn't just being outright oblivious to those issues. Her breaths were a little staggered as she idly paced the hall that bordered on the corner it took to get to Mosa's office space, rubbing the sides of her arms as she considered if she really needed this... it wasn't bad right? She was just getting help and she was even calm enough about it to say it in the UA channel so it wasn't like it wasn't already out there and...
No she wasn't even freaking out about that was she? No she... she knew if she needed help than she should get it but... she was worried it wouldn't even help. Most of her problems beyond Red and the hitlist thing were her own fault, her own undetaking and she worried she'd be too stubborn or paranoid to actually take any advice on the matter but... she had to at least give it a shot right? Even if all she did in the end was air her issues ot someone who wasn't just another student...
She moved up into the hall of Mosa's office, and hesitated again at the door. But... it wasn't the same as her pacing. She knew she was gonna do this she just didn't wanna come off like a panicing mess as she approached this. She took a few quiet breaths for a moment before wrapping her knuckles against the door, waiting for a 'come in' or something and easing herself inside, offering Mosa a warm smile and bowing her head with some respect, feeling a little more formal than usual. "Hi... here for my counseling appointment?"
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Post by Mosa Ganbaroshi on Jul 13, 2020 4:50:00 GMT -4
Yumi was one of those students, who outwardly might have seemed they didn't have any problems. Even Mosa had to admit he had seen her in some magazines already, and heard about her modeling career. This was something a very confident or atleast a very socially outward person would do. It gave the image that the girl was very proud of herself, you could almost say 'too much so', if you were a critic. She was seemingly not one to shy away from the spotlight, and even heroically speaking, being one of the better students in her class and living outside of the school without any parental figures, it was clear she was doing well in those regards, as well as semi well monetarily.
...However, there it still lay on Mosas table. The request for a meeting. No real specifics mentioned on what she wanted to speak about during it, just that she wanted to have one. Naturally, Mosa had accepted, and decided on a time for them to meet. However, his curiosity was peaking a little... What was going on in her life? Of course, he wouldn't go poking about why a person like her would suddenly feel the need for a therapist. That was counterproductive and would more so push her away, than get her to talk about it. Of course, she might just be wanting to get something off of her chest. That sort of meetings were somewhat common too. Saying something they couldn't say othervise usually helped them stop stressing out about some of the more silly things...
Maybe he was going too far in speculating. There was always a risk of a person already having a predestined idea how the conversation should go, before even meeting the client. And in cases like this, it was not a rule, just a guideline. He had to be flexible. In the end, Yumi herself, would be the one dictating the pace of the conversation.
Speaking of, he could hear the knock on the door. "Come in, the door is not locked." And there she was. Yumi Tasukai. She meekly asked if it was time for her meeting. Already a little bit different from expectations. "Indeed. Take a seat wherever you like. I don't even mind if you sit on the carpet if that is more comfortable for you." Classic duo of armchairs facing towards each other, the sofa next to one, the soft carpet, and a simple wooden chair that was easy to move around, making it so she could sit anywhere she liked. Well, aside from behind the desk he himself was sitting at for now.
"I will admit, I have heard a lot of things about you. Mostly good things however." Mosa was starting this conversation a little differently than usual. Since she was a third year, whilst most of his clients were second and first years, there was a certain difference in confidence about what they were doing. "Your hero studies to my knowledge are going quite well, and overall there has been no specific problems brought up about you, so in that regard, We are starting from a clean slate. Nothing out of the ordinary to take care of."
He pulled out his notebook and a pencil, putting them onto his desk. "In that regard, the next question is of the utmost importance: How do you feel currently, in your position?" In this regard, everything she would say, mattered in some way. It was all about talking to her about her own things. There was no school inducted reasoning to find something out or the sort. "That, and of course, do you have any questions for me, before we start this session proper? I myself am the sort of person, that likes asking questions a little too much, so feel free to skip some of them, if you feel uncomfortable." If she had anything on her mind about his duties, this was the best moment to ask.
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Post by Yumi Tasukai on Jul 13, 2020 6:05:47 GMT -4
Yumi smiled a little nervously still as she entered. The most memorable interaction she’d had with Mosa was the speaking lesson where she’d expressed she could struggle to find the words at times and, while that did help with her pubic speaking aspect at the very least, for a situation like this she could certainly still struggle to find exactly what she needed to, or perhaps just should say, idly rubbing at the sides of her arms as he offered her to take a seat. Her eyes did briefly fall to the carpet, chuckling a little but nerves still clear in her tones as she joked- “Kinda tempted to now just for the novelty of it but… heh, er… here okay?” She knew he’d said anywhere was fine but she still felt the need to check as she moved to one of the armchairs, pulling off the satchel she carried her notes in and placing it to one side, linking her hands together over her lap, just taking idle, slow breaths as she thought quietly about what she could expect going forward here.
Simply enough, starting with her record, that Mosa had no clear indication of why she was here… fair enough she supposed, it was nice to hear her light issues with Miss Junko weren’t big blights on her record or anything and generally her school work was still hitting a solid standard if he wasn’t bringing that up. Just a simple question to start of how she was feeling in her current position, and if she had any questions for him.
“… Stressed seems like a simple enough answer…” She idly hugged herself where she sat, not too tight just idly rubbing her hands up and down her own arms. “I know my hero studies are going well but… I’m hoping to potentially apply to teach here when I finish my period as a sidekick? So I’ve got my basic hero studies, my training, the exercise I need to… keep up. I’ve got a few afternoon classes here and there to make sure I’m eligible to be a teacher cause I wanna make sure I’m coming in with the tools to help and I’m not just…” She sighed softly. “With no offense to… teachers like Miss Red Horn, but she’s self admitted she doesn’t really know what she’s doing and… as fun as it can be learning from here the odd lesson here or there, and I think she’d doing really well I… I don’t want anyone to doubt me when I’m in the same position. So I have that on top of my studies and my exercise, and then I have the modelling work I do for my sponsorship with Asta and then I… I still wanna keep up with my own hobbies but they’re felling more like work…”
She realized she was rambling and tried to bite at the inside of her cheek, going silent for a moment as she clutched at the sleeves on either arm. “… Add onto that I recently got put on a supposed hit list, and that I have a boyfriend who… is starting to feel panicy and paranoid and… borderline manipulative and…”
She let out a deep sigh from her nose.
“Sorry, went a bit.. fast and heavy… I don’t really get many people to talk to and I havn’t really wanted to make my parents panic…”
Who did she have to talk to besides them afterall? Red was being fucking red, Feng was way too close to Red for her to feel safe talking to them and… honestly? Feng had seemed mentally ‘checked out’ since the third year began. Kirk was probably her next best friend after that but she wasn’t entirely sure she was in a state to unload on him again, not because she didn’t trust him but because unloading on eachother is what messed them up last time and… that was it. Did she really have any other friends? Jasmine and Kanna maybe but they were both tough gals she worried would take a vague ‘man up’ approach. She just started staring at the floor, going through the few friends she felt close enough to that she might have a right to unload on them… and crossing them all off as to why she can’t.
“Er… sorry. Again. I erm… I don’t really have too many questions myself.” She glanced off to the side, mumbling a little. “Sorry for… unloading so quickly I can get on a bit of a roll I guess…” She rubbed at the back of her neck, unable to really meet Mosa’s eyes for a moment. She really just... ugh no she needed to stop overthinking this. This was what she was here for. There was no right or wrong way to handle this but... a simple question of 'how are you' left her trying to justify her stress from numerous sources and... yeah she felt like that wasn't the 'right' answer, even if there wasn't meant to be one.
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Post by Mosa Ganbaroshi on Jul 13, 2020 7:40:49 GMT -4
Yumis impression got a little softer, as she got in. She was even able to crack a little joke about the carpet. Mosa fixed the position of his glasses a little. "It is a surprisingly common option, if you want to know." It was supposed to be comical, but his monotone tone might have added a bit of wrong flavour to it. Overall it was more used by the students who had either issues with weight, size or their quirk overall causing them to pierce holes into things. However, as she chose the armchair instead, Mosa nodded and was happy to stand up with his notebook in hand, and walk to the other armchair, taking seat there. It allowed him to keep a proper eye contact with her. Pretty much the classic, and most optimal set-up in that regard.
However, her answer to his question about how she was doing, was way bigger than he had expected. It almost felt like something he had expected: her dropping the weight off of her shoulders, right off the bat. As she spoke, Mosa wrote into his notebook all these different little notions she had. The dream of being a hero, all these studies involved, her opinion on one of the newer teachers, her image on what opinions others would have about it, hobbies, her work as a model... Honestly, the page that usually housed a full body picture of the person in his scribbly style, now mostly involved her head, with a bunch of thought bubbles, with all these different thoughts and things to keep track of surrounding her. It was a very claustrophobic picture.
...And adding to that the more outward sources of problems, a hitlist, and a weird situation with a boyfriend, and slowly Mosa understood completely why she had wanted to talk with him: This was a whole lot of things for one person to handle. and indeed, stressful in a big bundle. That and on top of it, she was repeatedly apologizing for putting it all on him so quickly. "Don't worry, that is exactly why we are here. To get this sort of thoughts out, and perhaps help you with handling them." His hand went onto his jaw, as he was already thinking about what to tackle first. "Also, if you're wondering. I won't be talking about these things to anybody else, unless specifically requested, or if you want my help in talking with someone."
...Indeed, back at the classes she had specifically asked him how to read people better, and about how she needed to learn to put up barriers. He had to wonder if she was convinced into some of these things, or when the boyfriend topic was raised, whether she was able to defend herself in a situation like that... However, that felt like a bit of a harsh topic to start with... For now, he added an exclamation point next to it. It would be something to handle later. Hopefully today, whatever the case may be.
"Now, of course, all of this at once, will seem a little bit scary. Anybody would be stressed out by seeing a huge file of things that need to be handled on their desk." He showed the image he had drawn, as he tapped different parts of it with his pencil. "In this case, we can easily split all of these issues into separate categories, and handle them one by one..." He drew lines through the picture, making like a square pizza with slices, each slice having different things in them. "This way, we can look at them all separately, in much more manageable pieces. And eventually, we will get through all of them at our own pace." With that, he tapped one of the slices. It included ASTA, her hobbies, exercises and the studies she needed to reach that goal of a teacher, and a hero. "In that regard, I would say this is the best to start with."
Taking a look at Yumi having her own notes, Mosa got an idea. "With a lot of work on your table, we should manage it, so that what you want to do, is the priority. But, for us to be able to do that..." He lifted his hand towards her, like offering her the microphone. "How about you make a simple top ten list about them? Which ones do you feel are more important than others, and which might feel like it's less needed in the grand scheme of things? You can even add those hobbies of yours in it, if you want to. After all, something lighter and more relaxing is always needed to keep an engine going." It was quite an interesting offer. And the result would be interesting as well. Honestly, just seeing how she would tackle the task would be interesting. "Although, if it feels daunting, I can help you with it." Some things felt clear, like the teacher studies being at the top. But some he was curious to see how highly she would rate them, like her modeling career.
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18 Years
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U.A Third Year
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Post by Yumi Tasukai on Jul 13, 2020 10:36:34 GMT -4
Yumi wasn’t quite ready to lift her eyes from the floor even with Mosa’s initial encouragement. She usualy got a little embaressed when she realized she’d rambled but now she felt she was just coming off like an absolute mess, sighing deeply through her nose as she just considered what she must look like. She didn’t have it too bad honestly, a good school, helping her channel a unique part of herself into a great career, and even beyond that channelling her personality into her cosplay work and her modelling work… to a lot of people she was practically in dream scenario but lately It felt like she could only focus on the negatives. “I know I just… feel like I burst out a bit too much at once there.” She glance dup finally when he assured he wouldn’t be taking it to anything else, nodding slowly along as she lowered her eyes again. She honestly knew that but… it was nice assurance all the same… did make her realize though. “… to be clear though I do like Red Horn as a teacher just… I wanna make sure if I do the same I’m… actually prepared, is all. Don’t want to give people a reason to doubt me because I’d be so ‘fresh out of the academy’ so to speak.”
She tried to lift her head up from her hands a little as Mosa was addressing her, not meaning to be rude in hanging her head like that afterall and just trying some breathing exercises one of the other teaches had suggested to her when controlling her quirk. Jessie in fact.. she’d definitely been a positive influence even if Yumi didn’t fully believe all that talk about Aura. She partly assumed it was just a weird visual spectrum she was seeing or something she made up to play the role but… the exercises that came with it, the ideas of how to help control herself… they were definitely coming in handy.
Okay so… the idea was to tackle this in pieces, and the first one they were tackling was her general… to do list. Yeah. The things she needed to do like her career stuff and her hobbies. She shuffled a little to sit up a little straighter and took a few more slow, controlled breaths before smirking a little as she fully noticed the ‘invisible mic’ that had been presented to her.
When she came to answer though.. she hesitated, her lips curling inwards as the top one was the hardest for her to decide, perhaps in part worrying she’d be judged for her gut response.
“…Modelling, I guess…” She lightly rubbed her thumb into her palm. “It’s… it’s a good career when you’re young and one I find pretty fun and… I know it’s not gonna be there forever so to speak but… I dunno. When I first joined UA I knew I wasn’t joining to become a hero. I do wanna be now, my time here has shifted how I look at that but… “ She raised her hands as her head hung, sparks going off between her fingers to demonstrate a point. “I’m not gonna be a good… rescue focused hero like I wanna be so… it’s not really gonna be my grand priority I guess if I ever had to choose.” Plus, as much good as she’d tried to do for the two girls she’d met through her internship with Hachi… there was probably someone better suited for those roles than paranoid, jittery Yumi.
“Hero work is definitely next though… mostly my studies, since I need to know how to be an effective hero. If push comes to shove I can rely on my quirk to burn fat and keep me in shape so… I’d put my cosplay hobby over exercising. Maybe playing games and watching anime too…” She let out a weak chuckle, gesturing a falling scale with her hand till she nearly touched the floor. “Maybe we can put exercizing alllll the way down here…” She let out another laugh as she sank back into the chair, folding her arms. “I mean.. it’s good for me but I can stay in good shape without it… I just keep doing it cause I feel like I need to… ‘keep up’… and I’m pretty useless without my quirk and… my quirk’s pretty useless without my suit.”
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Post by Mosa Ganbaroshi on Jul 15, 2020 14:08:51 GMT -4
Mosa nodded at Yumis little correction. "Of course." There was always that need to look capable in front of others. And seeing Red horn as a sort of example of it, despite being a good teacher, was nothing to be ashamed of. "We need examples of all sides to become what we want to be after all." Despite being so close to graduating, all of the third years still had some room to grow.
For a moment, as he explained things, she was breathing pretty heavily. Mosa assumed this was just her trying to calm herself down. However, soon enough, she collected herself, and took a straighter position. The proper work began. And with it, lots of explaining. Apparently first one on the list was Modeling. Quite surprising indeed. "Would you say you also find it relaxing? I have to admit I do not know much about what is happening behind the scenes, but... It seems more enjoyable than the studying side of things." It might have been a question with an obvious answer, but maybe she was ready to clarify? After all, if she considered it work, it would have been more exhausting.
However, her next choice was the hero work itself. Second in priority, which made sense with her opinion on it. "I trust you know the capabilities of your own quirk yourself in that regard." It was one of those things, where the determination of the person using it was very good measure on if they could do it well with it. Of course, there were the types, who would just ignore that, and go guns blazing into any situation, but they had to usually pay the price for it. However, it did bring up a good point. "It is very responsible of you to just admit that. Many wouldn't dare, fearing they would lose face doing so."
Next up was cosplaying. Mosa showed a rare smile, as the girl admitted, she could ignore actual training with her quirk keeping her body shape under control. "We all have our own ways to relax proper, without it needing to be our way to live." In that regard he was happy, that the girl could lift a regular hobby this high. Heck, a singular "He" escaped his lips with how low she put exercise. "It's not like many people like exercising. I myself am a little bit of a victim. I would prefer to read comic books during most of my free time." He pointed at some of the bookshelves. Indeed, they weren't exactly the most civilized books. Devil man, One piece, even dragon ball... Quite a lot of different series.
"But, I think that gives us a quite nice conclusion. You can feel free to tell me, if I am wrong in my suggestion." He drew this 'tree of choices... and drew some familiar faces at the top. "From what I understand, you enjoy modeling, and cosplay. You also want to be taken seriously, and respected for your efforts in things you do, specifically in heroism." He proceeded to draw some more lines. This time connecting to a very snakey looking fellow. "In that regard, would a hero similar to Serperior be a good thing to target?" It was a bold offer, but as a counselor, one of his task was to make those. "Similarly to you, they also have quite often taken modeling duties, and show up a lot in magazines of all kinds. Of course, his popularity often concentrates on those magazines, but he is a very capable hero in his own right."
"However... Like you said, you want to be respected for doing things you are supposed to do well. I assume you wouldn't be too happy just being a pretty face on the papers." He continued his writing. "As a rescue hero, you would indeed probably get a lot of notoriety for exactly that. Heroes like Red Horn often risk bad press based on going 'too far'." He fixed the position of his glasses. "But, as you yourself said, your quirk runs the risk of collateral damage. For that... some exercise might be needed. Quirky kind of exercise." Of course, they had been doing that for a long time. But as they say, you could never be too well prepared.
"These two routes are very different from each other in how they utilize the things you like and dislike. However, of course, a rescue hero can do a little bit of modeling, and the model sort of hero will do some heroism." They were two extremes in some ways. And Mosa wasn't here to make this choice for her. "Of course, if you have your own ideas on how to mix these sides together... Feel free to tell me. Every hero is a little bit different for a reason." Her aiming to be a teacher for heroes right after graduating from hero school, was plenty ambitious too. He was very curious about her opinion on it.
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U.A Third Year
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Post by Yumi Tasukai on Jul 15, 2020 15:35:48 GMT -4
Yumi kept her ears open to the questions and nudges as she went. When asked if she considered Modelling relaxing, she certainly needed a moment of thought on the matter. She didn't become tense, but it was certainly something that needed consideration. She rubbed up the sider of her jaw as she thought on it... "I... I'd say so. Sometimes it can be frustration, when a photographer wants something but can't properly express it, or... you just don't understand what they're looking for, but I mostly find it fun. i get to hang out with other girls where I don't necessarily feel like the... oblivious outsider? I dunno... I don't feel like I should feel like that with people but sometimes I do. With other models it's either you KNOW they're a bit stuck up or... they're more my wavelength, just there to have fun. Easier to read..." She rested back into her chair. "I also like interacting with Miss Sonya. She shows up to my shoots with Asta now and then but... I always feel tense around her. A friend gave me reason to think she's... fake. My paranoia's never let me feel entirely comfortable with her because of that."
She let her eyes drift, slipping into the next item in her list.
With the comment that she could lose face to admit her view on her heroism, she shook her head. "I've always been clear on that with people when they ask why I want to be a hero. I... I dunno. I think it's un-fair of me to pretend I've always had these lofty ideals of being a hero? That it's something you have to feel in your gut? I think it's nicer to people and just more honest of me to be clear with others that being a hero wasn't my original goal being here. Its honestly something I admire RedHorn for. She's been honest in interviews saying she was a vigilante for reasons other than pure kind heartedness to civilians... its..." She sighed softly, rolling her shoulders back. "I can't simplify it to a statement like 'the ends might justify the means' but... I certainly don't think someone's motives for a good act need to be entirely selfless either." She chuckled with a mild sense of dark humor. "People can snap behaving entirely selfless sometimes..."
She smiled a little more at the word that Mosa enjoyed his own comics. "Well... that kinda goes hand in hand with my cosplaying Hobby myself but I didn't really feel much of a need to pick it out seperately. I mean, I need to know the latest source material, or the ones I'm passionate about, if I want to keep up cosplaying in a way right?"
Mosa started to draw his conclusions and Yumi shifted a little straighter as she listened, taking in what they were saying and nodding along slowly. "Yeah I... tried to apply for an apprenticeship with him but I didn't see a response." Simple and true enough. Thinking about it was kinda disheartening, wondering why she hadn't gotten any of his attention on the matter, buuuut maybe someday he'd find the time to pick up her interest in working with him. Not much more to say on it for now. Maybe she'd try and re-show her interest in working with him when she had balanced her current lifestyle a bit better.
With Mosa presenting the idea that the types of hero she wanted to be were very different, and how she had limitations as a rescue her, she nodded along slowly. "I... want to find a balance, but I feel I need to be able to at least do both of them to a serious extent. i don't think I can be a rescue hero, but... I want to know I can be a pure, focused hero. I want to know I can be a pure, focused model... and a pure, focused teacher. I don't want to be brushed off as half assing any because of the other so... until my time as a sidekick is over, I need to give them all 100 percent before finding that balance. Guess I just wasn't designed to handle 300 percent all the time... ehehe..."
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Post by Mosa Ganbaroshi on Jul 17, 2020 7:39:39 GMT -4
His question clearly got the girl thinking on it proper. According to her, there were of course the small frustrations, but other than that, she felt relaxed working with the other girls there. However, it did also give a little inkling of info on what kind of person she was inside. "So, would you say that you overall enjoy being around people who are easy to read? People who you don't need to constantly wonder what is going around inside their heads?" With modeling as a career, it certainly seemed like it provided her a place, where all of the people there had similar goes, and all of them wanted the same thing, even if they went different ways about it. However, her mentioning Asta herself making her tense once again sparked a bit of curiousity... although in this regard, more on the investigator side. Would the blackmail she mentioned, and ASTA have some connection? Mosa blinked. Once again, priorities for later. Mosa was not sherlock holmes, even if he was here to help.
Her explanation why she was so alright with just admitting that she couldn't control her powers too well, just made some thoughts in Mosas head more certain. "It's clear that you've thought about these things quite a lot. This honest aspect of heroism." He outright wrote it down next to his side of the list. "In that regard, I would say your heroic mentality is at least clearly on a stable track to success." Though he did lift his head from the paper a bit suddenly. "Not that there is really a 100% right way to act as a hero. Everyone sees things differently. But seeing someone confident about their own ideals is always lovely to see." He tried to spark a little bit of confidence in that atleast.
"That, and as awkward as it might be to say, entirely black or entirely white heroes do not exist. We all have our vises." It was sort of like Mosa wanting to see one of these cosplays out of curiosity. It was perhaps a bit greedy though, so he abstained from asking.
Apparently she had tried to contact Serperior already, only to sadly not be that successful. Mosa however, raised his hand. "Of course. Sadly another problem of such heroes, is that the amount of fanmail they get can get in the way of actually important papers." A little bit of a monotone joke to keep the situation relaxed. "But, you also don't necessarily need to meet them yourself. You can read their articles, you can see how they work from internet videos, and you can even watch their reports to see if you can handle it. It's sort of similar to how we held our class back then. You can notice some of the nuances from how people act. You can even notice if somebody is..." He winked a bit awkwardly. "...Playing a character, instead of acting like themselves." He opened his eye. Having read comic books, Mosa was pretty good at noticing who had outright ripped something off of them. "Of course, I suggest you will still keep trying. One day a letter should get through."
Sadly, her image on her own actions were still looking for balance. And in the end, she apparently needed to give 300% to keep up. "But you only have 100%." Mosa said quite bluntly. It was perhaps a bit demoralizing of a thing to understand, but it had to be accepted. "If you make yourself go that thin for what you want to be... you will snap before you will reach any of them." Mosas hand went onto his chin... it was a problematic scenario indeed. The girl wanted to be good at a whole lot of things. But all of them at once. He wondered how he could do her wish as much as justice as possible.
"What I want you to keep in mind, is that all of these pure and focused things, start from new and confused things. You will never start out as amazing, but you can start out as good." He wanted to assure, that she didn't need to rush herself. "All you need to do, is accept that you have time. You do not need to be perfect from the outset, and can spend as much time sharpening your skills on each of them over time. If you want of course, you can always put the priority for certain things to certain times, to push yourself extra hard. And after that, you return to do what you want to do." Like those heroes he talked about before... "You don't need to always be perfect. you just need to know when to give it your all."
He wrote something on his paper. "Now, would you like us to continue on this topic, or would you prefer us to move onto the next one?" It was up to her. Depending on how she took all he said, things could be quite different. "If you want, you can even choose which one we try to handle next."
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18 Years
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"x"
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U.A Third Year
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Post by Yumi Tasukai on Jul 17, 2020 10:09:03 GMT -4
A lax nod came at the confirmation that she liked modelling for that reason. She hadn’t really thought about it in such a way specifically but… it made sense. It did and she couldn’t really refute that. She liked how people outside of UA were just… for lack of a better word, simple. They weren’t constantly hiding secrets or threatening vigilante-ism, or she didn’t feel like she was secretly being judged for not being as ‘serious a hero’ as they were and… “Sometimes I feel like the people around me here are all just…” She sighed hard. “I dunno really just… like they’re either hiding something from me or hiding how they think or… it’s weird how I can feel more comfortable with stangers than the people I know at this point, cause the people I know… I know them well enough to know they can hide things or… that they don’t think ‘normal’.” She didn’t mean to be rude but she was struggling to put this one in words.
She still managed to smile a bit when Mosa kinda praised her with the comment of how she’d thought things out a lot and-… “Well, I have and I havn’t? I’ve always sorta held that gut feeling of… like you said, there’s no pure white or pure black. Everyone’s just human and the more I think about it the more I’d prefer that everyone understands that rather than thinking heroes have expectations to meet. I mean, they do, they absolutely do and that won’t change, but it’s not typically in line with what other people expect. Some people may see me become a model and think im sending a bad message cause I…” Ugh she hated this phrase “’Sell my body’, effectively, that model work isn’t a good image for young girls but… it’s what I enjoy and I’m not hurting people and… I try and see the same in other heroes. When Red Horn isn’t seen as an ideal, or Yellow jacket is viewed as being too quiet, I think… ‘well, they’re just being themselves’, they’re not hurting anyone. Why kick up a fuss? I just… guess I wish more people saw it like that sometimes.”
She didn’t have much to say in response to the words about Mikhail, half smiling with a mild chuckle. “Yeah. I suppose so.” Both in return to the idea she could learn from him in other sources, and that she should keep trying for that apprenticeship with him.
She did chuckle a little more defeatedly however when it came to her ‘percentage’. “Yeah that… that was kinda the point.” She had been meaning to exaggerate and point out her main issue here herself so having it repeated to her was, as he might have expected, a little disheartening but she tried not to let it get her too much. He was just emphasizing her own point afterall. She ran her hands together gently, staring at the ground again for another few quiet moments. “I feel like I’m gonna snap but… I don’t want anyone to see me as being less than what I’m trying to be? I don’t want someone to look at me prioritizing model work and saying I’m not being a proper hero, and I don’t leave behind that work either and get so buried in the other job that I never pick up modelling again and… being a hero and a teacher is one thing but I feel like if I DO end up becoming a teacher with my studies, I’ll be seen as like, lesser, if I don’t do it all right. I’m either not a good enough hero, or I’m not a good enough teacher because I have my hobbies and my modelling, or I’m not seen as a serious model cause its just ‘that thing I do on the side’. I know its not realistic to balance them but…”
She let out a breath.
“I… I don’t think I care about what people think often. Normally I can brush it off but… I don’t wanna grow up and just be seen as that… joke?” She was being a bit harsh with herself maybe but it’s what she worried about. That if she half assed any 1 aspect of her career and didn’t adamantly enforce that she could handle everything and do it well… someone was gonna latch onto it and come away thinking she couldn’t really do any of it…
Her paranoia was still there about all this. She appreciated the assurance she didn’t need to be perfect but she… she believed that. No one was perfect but she couldn’t fully get it out of her head that she needed to give her all on every last one of them or she wasn’t… legitimate, as any of them.
“.. can we come back round to this one? It’s… helped, getting out but I guess I kinda need to process what I’ve said too I guess…” At the question if she had a topic she wanted to go onto next, she shook her head. The worries about the criminal stuff and her boyfriend and… anything else she’d rambled about, were all messy topics, she knew she had to get into them to help herself, but she wasn’t too eager either. She could recognize well enough she needed a nudge. “C-could you just… pick one at random?” maybe not the most scientific approach to recovery but-
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Post by Mosa Ganbaroshi on Jul 18, 2020 9:17:04 GMT -4
For a moment again, Mosa just listened to the girl. Seemingly, he had hit the nail on the head. The fact that she knew what the people were like and what they were aiming for, did indeed make her feel more comfortable. She went on to explain, that just the fact that people could hide things and that some of their thoughts might be in their words 'weird', had her on edge. Yet, when she spoke about white and black, and how everybody is just a human... it felt a little poignant. It stood out to him. There was certainly a whole different feeling to the discussion compared to that from before. It was almost as if she was biased somehow or atleast it felt so, as he listened. He tried to pick up pointers into his notes. Of course, she ended her little speech with 'if only others thought the same', which only made it feel like there was something behind this.
In the case of jokes, Mosa had seen this sort of behaviour before. Joking about your bad life situation, and making your own situation the joke. It was a way to cope, but not exactly a healthy one. And the more he listened, the more his image started to get clear... next page, he drew Yumi in the middle. And a bunch of other heads. Some of them had speech bubbles, and some just stared. She did not want to be the joke. That much was clear. But the contradiction was even clearer.
And it was also clear, that the girl didn't want to make the choice on what to do next. "If that is what you wish, then I can choose for you again." He lifted his finger, and closed his eyes for a moment, almost like he was going for the random topic. But then, as soon as he lowered his finger, he pointed at a topic. "In this case, I feel like we should stay where we are for a little while longer. If you don't mind." As the girls balance shifted, it was easier and easier to notice, that they were getting closer on atleast this one thing being solved. Atleast somehow, so that it would be easier for her to handle on her own.
"Now, I will admit, I can see your determination in the way you speak. You truly believe in what you are saying, I do not doubt that." However, he lifted his pencil and pointed at her calmly with it. "But I also notice one thing. While you clearly believe in people not being black and white, and people deserving to be looked at from a different angle... When the tables are turned, and instead the gazes are at you, you seemingly start to immediately doubt them, be they known or strangers you are planning to work with in the future." He turned his notebook towards her. "It looks a little bit, like your image of yourself in your own head, is very much someone who doubts their abilities, and like everybody around them wants to judge them for even the slightest mistake they do." In the picture, she could see a very simple version of herself, almost hiding her face, as everyone around her was babbling about something... the topics were not to be seen, but the effect was clear.
"Like you said, humans are not just black and white. Everyone has their own thoughts. And quite often in cases like this, people don't take that big of an issue with what one person does." Of course as a hero, she was going to be in front of a bigger crowd than most. A very critical one. But not all of them would be like that. "The way you mention your friends, and how you have a problem hanging out with them, whilst being able to do it at the modeling scene, shows how you need to know peoples opinions in advance to relax." He tapped his finger against his knee. "And as you said, you do not want to come off as a joke... And you really want to be able to meet those expectations people assumedly will put on you. You do not want to disappoint them... or..."
He leaned back into his chair. This was a little bit crucial moment. "Do you think my suggestions are correct or wrong? Do you hold high expectations for yourself?" Two questions. Difficulty of them was very hard to muster. But he had more. "Is there something that makes you feel like this? Something that gives you the need to strive so high in such a little time?" However, he did feel the need to emphasize something. "Take your time. Ponder it at your own pace. You do not need to answer me this instant. And if you feel like we have gone too far... we can take a step back." In a situation like this, where they were trying to find the source of these issues, Yumi needed to be able to dwell into some uncomfortable territory.
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Post by Yumi Tasukai on Jul 18, 2020 10:55:05 GMT -4
Yumi wasn't sure how she felt about the initial idea of staying on topic but she wasn't about to argue against it hugely either, just nodding along quietly as she wiggled her shoulders back into the chair and tried to listen to Mosa's take on things. She tried not to say anything on it and really she didn't have the energy or the confidence right now to interupt him regardless, just trying to absorb it and... well, she didn't disagree with anything, but she felt it needed more context maybe when it came back around to her.
"... Yeah. I hold myself to too high an expectation, not everyone's gonna expect me to be perfect but..." She wrapped her arms about herself, not sitting up from how she was leant back, if anything her rear slipped a little more so she sank deeper into the seat. "I've seen how other students and other people react when a hero isn't perfect. Maybe I've just... been around heroes in training for too long, but so many of them have strong ideals and the moment a hero isn't living up to them suddenly they're not a hero and... when I grow up I don't wanna be on the other end of those comments. I don't wanna be 'that girl who couldn't make it as a hero so they became a model, ugh'. Or 'That hero who wastes there time doing that degrading work' cause... I KNOW-!" She raised her voice a little but quickly caught herself, her fists closing tight and breathing a little harder.
"I know that how people talk, from experience. I'm used to no one coming close to cause I'm that girl who can't control her quirk. I'm used to people avoiding me cause I'm that girl who dosn't think the same way they do, and... when I'm a hero it's gonna be that times a million cause suddenly there's gonna be an entire country looking at me as some symbol of life saving and law enforcement and I either have to be an absolutely perfect version of myself to be seen as legitimate, or I have to not be myself and..."
She sighed hard through her nose, feeling a throbbing in her forehead as she lifted a hand. She pretended to just be rubbing her forehead but in truth she was trying to subtly use it to cover her eyes with her palm. She could feel them getting a little watery. She wasn't used to letting all this crap out so her body wasn't exactly being merciful. "... Sorry. You're right I just... I still feel justified I guess...sorry for raising my voice."
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Post by Mosa Ganbaroshi on Jul 20, 2020 6:06:47 GMT -4
The girl almost got smaller in his eyes, as she sank deeper into her chair. It started with a minor admitting of her issue, but soon turned into her explaining why. She had seen and heard people talk. Bad things specifically aimed at her for what she was doing. Her thoughts on heroism clashing with others, and them voicing their opinions on it loud and clear, mocking her very own priorities. The girl was shaking, with her hands held in fists. According to her, her quirk had already made it so, that most folks avoided her. And even as a hero needing to wrestle with that, was painful to her.
With her cover her eyes, Mosa could hear it in her voice. This apologetic tone. This cowering feeling of trying to stay in perfect form. But Mosa hearing this, proceeded to just offer his hand towards her. "Don't worry. Just let it all out. Feel free to raise your voice as much as you want. This is the place for it." The girl clearly needed to get this out of her system. He wasn't sure how long she had held it, but taking how much just simply telling her reasons for being like this had visibly hurt her, he could only assume things. "I am not going to interrupt, if you want to keep going. Everything you say will stay here, and not get out of the room, unless you want it to." For a moment, he just sat there in silence, letting the girl take her time in accepting what she had just said, and to see if she wanted to say more. Occasionally he would scribble something in his notebook, but other than that, he didn't do anything special. Sometimes, people just needed their own time to come to terms with things like this.
After she felt like she was ready, Mosa would say his own opinion. "I would like to say, that nobody thinks like that. But that would sadly be lying. In this world, there are a lot of people, and all of them have slightly different opinions. Some of them will of course disagree with you, or dislike you for what you do." His sentence was quite melancholy, taking the topic of her worries. "However, similarly, there will always also be those people who agree with you. Those who will adore you for doing things, that they never could think was possible. Perhaps they might be outright inspired by your actions in the situation you're in." Plenty of people who had destructive quirks, could find out that you could become a hero even with such power just by seeing one in action.
"But in the end..." He nodded calmly. "None of them might matter."
Another a little bit bold statement. "I am not saying, that you should lock those people out of your mind completely. Some might give good advice." He crossed his hands over his notebook. "But when it comes to things like 'what is heroism' and 'what should a hero do', the only one whose opinion in those situations matters, is your own." In that regard, he could relate it a little bit to beliefs overall. As much as he had his religion, it didn't mean that others couldn't believe in different things. He pushed his glasses up a little. "Others do not decide what is right for you to do. You are always the one who takes the step in whatever direction you want to go, nobody else. And if somebody tries to force your foot in a direction that you don't want to go, you can kick them and keep going." A little bit brutal example, but it got the point across. "So if you want to model and be a hero, you can do both. if you want to model and be a teacher, you can do both. And you can even do all of them together if you want. And as long as you enjoy yourself, there is nothing wrong with that."
He straightened his back against his own chair. "Besides, I can assure you, serperior has also suffered from this sort of thing. Fangirls aren't exactly the calmest people when it comes to their hero changing their image." A little lighter message to lift the mood of the room up. He had read enough comics to know this was the case.
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Post by Yumi Tasukai on Jul 21, 2020 4:15:11 GMT -4
Yumi cupped her hands together, her elbows on her knees as she leaned forward, the lower half of her face pressing into her linked hands. For the most part she didn't find herself able to look to Mosa as he spoke, but she did at least try now and then to offer a glance to show she wasn't just zoning out and was listening to what he had to say. A slow breath flowed and honestly... he had a point. Even if those voices considered her a joke, that didn't mean she had to pay attention to them. Yumi recalled vaguely how oblivious she used to be to all that stuff, how she'd just... be herself regardless of what anyone thought.
Did she wanna be oblivious again? Maybe... maybe just a little, but it was rightly not something she SHOULD want. She... she didn't want to just be completely ignorant again. Maybe it was nicer and more comfortable in a lot of ways but an odd part of her liked being aware. It helped her stop being just stagnant and blissfully 'same'. She'd progressed a lot in the past... jesus, year and a half there abouts? Yeah... seemed about right by now. She rubbed at the side of her neck as the ideas sunk more into her head.
"I used to not really care or... not even 'not care' I just didn't take it in. I had spurts of paranoia where I'd wonder what people were thinking but they were just that. Spurts. Brief and fleeting... now I feel like I kinda can't turn it off and... I'd never wanna go back to being so oblivious to everything but... I do feel I need to find that balance. Cause you're right. A lot of the time it dosn't matter... they can think I'm a joke all they want but if I'm still doing things right and not giving up... you're right again. I should just... focus on what I enjoy, so long as I don't hurt anyone doing it."
She'd need time to think on this, process it, adjust. Nothing like this was an instant process. But... with a deep breath there clearly seemed to be some idea that this part of their meeting was something she was set on internalizing as they went forward, a weak chuckle and a light tear in her eye when Mosa joked about serperior, wiping away at her eyes. She wasn't upset or even 'happy tears'. The burst of stress had just overloaded her a little, so she was thankful for the laugh.
"Yeah I bet... probably gets a mountain of mail any time he gets a haircut...~"
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Post by Mosa Ganbaroshi on Jul 22, 2020 4:54:07 GMT -4
Yumi was clearly feeling uncomfortable. The way she tried to avoid eye-contact, the way she just leaned into her hands, it told him all he needed to know. But it was clear, that despite all of that, she was listening. Occasionally she would look at him amidst his speeches. That in itself felt to Mosa, like they had made very visible progress. It was even more pronounced, once she told him about what she used to be. Just ignoring everything others said, and being almost numb to it. But that way, she didn't learn anything. Now she had the opposite problem, that they were trying to help her with. And with the way she put it herself... Mosa could only give off a small smile and a nod.
"In the end, it's sort of similar to that class we had. With the crowds and talking to people. It all comes down to you weighing in your head which things are important, and which things are not. What you feel like you need to change, and what you don't want to change." None of these things happened overnight. But even more importantly, they usually didn't need to. "Over time, you will learn to do it better, and better. You will learn what is just rambling, and what is actually good advice. Just try and give yourself time to learn it." In that regard, that was it. She would slowly need to learn to allow herself to be patience with learning things. But similarly, he couldn't expect her to change immediately into that. She needed her own time.
And with his little joke, the girl seemingly felt a little bit better. "Exactly. I myself think that the outfit change from an orange tunic to a grey one was absolutely ridiculous for Goku back in the older era." A little bit extra. He felt like he was on a roll.
But, with that, Mosa crossed over one of the parts of the square pizza from before. "See? Now we have handled one of the things in some manner. The rest of it, you can work on on your own time, and contact me, if you have any troubles regarding it." It was similar to closing a book after studying or just finishing it. He tried to give her the satisfaction of successfully getting to the end of one thing. "Of course, we still have some topics to handle, but that one is done." Mosas eyes then glanced at the two other prime topics that could be clearly split from 'study group'. Admittedly, he would have preferred something a bit lighter in mass. Something that didn't hit her quite so personally. But both of the options were kind of awkward in scope in that regard. Weighing them in his head, it was clear both of the topics were very personal, but one of them had humongous implications for her personally, while the other had more of a mystery vibe to it. Mostly to him, because she hadn't yet given him the details.
"Now then, if you feel like we should quit here, and you want to have a little bit of time to just think about all this, We can just plan another meeting already." However, his hand proceeded to draw a circle around one of the two topics. "Next topic we should probably handle though, is the hit list discussion." Mosa didn't know who Yumis boyfriend was, but she had described him as quite horrible. Usually in cases like that, thoughts went to judge both the partner and yourself. and taking that Yumi had already spent a plenty of time on that, he felt like the hitlist talk would concentrate more on the person who put her onto it, than her herself. "Now, I do need some details on it. Do you know who put you on the list, and did they have any specific reason why? Or is it just because you are a hero student?" Wouldn't be surprising. If there was a villain, they would definitely target a student just for wanting to be a hero.
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Post by Yumi Tasukai on Jul 26, 2020 4:23:25 GMT -4
Yumi rested her head against her fingertips a little, still meeting Mosa's eyes between her fingers but also using it for support as she took in his last lines on the matter, smiling a little weakly herself. It wasn't gonna be an instant fix by any means but she was already glad she came here... she was IMMENSELY uncomfortable but.. in a good way. It was like getting a mud bath or something. Right now she felt slimy and she might get that gross dry mud feeling later but the moment she washed it all off and got clean god she knew she was gonna feel better just for having this experience. "Thanks sensei..."
She chuckled a little at the Goku mention too, shaking her head and glancing at his diagram, it was kinda fun seeing how he almost... cartoonized her problems. It didn't feel demeaning, just... enlightening? Maybe that was too strong a word but it helped her see even her issues in a more positive light.
Taking a long slow breath she decided she could at least get through the hit list topic. "That's... potentially a short one so if it's okay I wanna talk about that before we schedule another session... a-assuming that's okay?" She'd quickly ask, a bit of her nerves showing again but more out of politeness than anything. "I wouldn't wanna take up all of your time afterall, I'm sure your busy at this school..." She'd chuckle a little at her attempt at humor, but assuming Mosa was okay with that she'd take a slow breath again and think how to explain the hit list. "I'm sure you got notified about it, being a teacher and all but... " She assumed this was mostly to get her take on things. "There was some supposed breddit leak of a criminal hit list thing... Ishtar is basically requesting a lot of names, real and hero names to come to her for a meeting. It... it comes off like a hit list. 'Bring me this head, get paid' and all and... I-I know it could be fake but, I ran away from Ishtar once. I saw her face at the prison outbreak so... maybe it is real? M-maybe Red's paranoia about Ishtar got me involved somehow? I dunno but..."
She let out a bit of a defeated chuckle, still a little emotional from the earlier topic, the lightest hint of tears forming in her eyes despite a smile on her lips, seemingly more brought on by the ticklishly tight sensation of her own nerves. "I'm an 18 year old girl with a price on her head... I know this kinda thing might be expected when you become a pro, criminals wanting you specifically dead or captured or... whatever but... I'm not even a hero yet and it's already happening to me? What am I supposed to do with that information? I'm not even sure if my parents know about it but... f-" She bit her tongue before she swore again. "The hell am I meant to tell them? Hey guys I know I'm still in school but someone might want me personally dead. Love you guys...?"
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