Post by Angelica Carina on May 9, 2020 18:08:21 GMT -4
understand more to fear less
Stress stress stress stress...I'm not new to stress. I'm not. I'm no stranger to handling stress. If I had no ability to handle it, then I would have failed a long time ago. I am perfectly able to handle it. School was easy. I kept up with all of my work, to the point where I would even ask teachers for future lesson material, since primary school. I am more than capable of taking care of stressful situations. Perfectly so.
U.A is different in many ways from home, but not that many. I still am the top student in my class, I am still respected for my intelligence and loathed for my personality--I don't mind, or care, what people think of me. I've come to expect it. Yet at U.A there are more stressors than in a "normal" school. More students get injured with a frequency I've never known. Treating them, all of them, takes a lot out of me. I've always been capable of producing many, many of my healing candies with my normal meals, but even with a jar full every morning in the infirmary I
And there have been times I was proven right. And times I've been happily proven wrong. And times where I could do nothing, whether or not my aid was offered or wasn't.
It's just stress, like any other, and I can handle it.
So I've been slowly altering my diet to include more sugar, so I can produce more candies, so I can handle that stress. So far it has been successful. I am well aware that including more sugar into a diet has negative effects on one's body, but as mine turns that sugar into the healing
I know what I'm doing.
There is documented evidence that animals can predict when a natural disaster is set to occur. It's interesting to consider how we as a species detached so hard from our instincts, to the point that we can no longer feel this innate sense of danger and change that comes before a storm. I've wondered if in this time of Quirks, if we won't have people capable of those sorts of premonition. I don't believe that's what caused the amount of stress that I had been
It was...
...
I experienced nothing similar to it before coming to Japan. The way that suddenly the ground beneath you starts to move, and at first you think you've stumbled, but then the shakes don't stop. The way everything sways and walls shudder. There was a lot of noise on top of it all. The sounds of yells and screams of confusion and fear and shock from all the way up on the top floor of the dorms to down where I was.
I was actually getting ready for the day already--I've always been an early riser, a trait my siblings despised, but my dorm mate was is similarly studious and punctual. I was, quite inconveniently, in the stairwell to reach the ground floor. I can only count fortune that I was on the platform between staircases and not half-way down one instead.
But...I was alone.
I was alone, in an echoing, windowless space, when suddenly the entire world rocked and wretched itself like a person knocked off balance by a punch in the stomach. The railing gave me enough balance to not fall immediately, but the lights above me, hanging, did not survive the whole of that time.
I have studied disasters. I am training to become a doctor, but I am also in a class that teaches emergency responses. Japan suffers from earthquakes regularly. I just wanted to be ready.
I was.
I'm not ready, I forgot everything immediately. I forgot how you're supposed to get away from anything hanging from the ceiling that may fall, and just as warned a lighting fixture fell right from the ceiling and shattered on the platform below me. I forgot that you're supposed to run for somewhere sturdy, like a door frame, or under a table. Instead I pressed my whole body into the corner of the platform and couldn't even move. It happened so fast I didn't even scream or call for help, I just sat there, frozen, still, completely failing to remember all of the tips and pointers and facts that I have memorized.
How could I be so stupid?!
It couldn't have lasted more than a few second. Twenty, tops. Then everything went still again. The lights still were off and I was aware that there was the chance that aftershocks could make the rest of them fall. I had to use my phone's flashlight to step around the broken glass on the floor and get into the main area. The common room was far less soundproof than the stairwell itself, but my hearing is not like--
Chimera.
Is he okay?
The feeling hit my stomach so fast that I didn't realize I was dialing his phone number until I was about to press the button.
My brother, my brother, he might be hurt--he's my family and I need to make sure he's alright. I have to. I need to.
But the call won't go through, will it? Everyone is going to be calling family, friends. Emergency services will have priority but even then if there's too many calls, they won't be able to handle it. I shouldn't call. That is the reasonable thing to do right now. I should remain calm, and try to help whoever may need it in the building. Students are going to be scared, possibly even hurt. I have a responsibility as a future doctor...
I have a responsibility...
People have already suffered, and I've been unable to help. I have the chance to fix that now. I can be helpful.
I want to know he's okay.
I have to be an adult. I can't be a child. I need to do what's right. I need to be responsible. I can't let stress fear eat me up like this. I'm not even moving. I'm not doing anything.
I need to...
...
I'm scared...
It won't go through even if I try. This is pointless.
I'm scared, Chim...
I hit the button and waited to hear the "all lines are busy" signal. Once it failed to go through, I could turn around and go to help others, and be a responsible, adult person, capable of handling this stress. Because I can handle stress. I can.
I always--
"Angie!! Oh thank God, I was just about to call you!!"
That stupid, sharp tenor of a voice came out of my speakers, and I only heard it barely over the sounds coming from upstairs. I hadn't even held my phone to my ear. I'd just been standing here, in the lobby, not moving, waiting for to fail.
He sounds like he's crying again.
"Are you alright?! Ang?!"
"...I...ye-...yeah. I'm..."
Oh. I sound like I'm crying. And I feel like I'm crying. My face is wet, and awful. I can't let people see me like this. I'm just so relieved that he's okay. I can hear the relief in his voice through that dumb thickness that makes his voice sound tighter when he cries. I know it by heart. The dumb crybaby.
"Thank God...hahah...fuuuuck me, I thought for a second the nerds were bringing down the house..."
"Is everyone okay?" I'm not that worried, but I can't stop my voice from sounding like I am. I'm not that worried.
"Yeah, nothing exploded, but we lost power over here. What about in the dorms? You're somewhere safe? With people?"
"...yeah...yes, yes, I am. I'm safe."
Another relieved sigh. I don't remember sitting up against the wall but I am. I can still hear frantic footsteps upstairs. I am sure people need help. I should be helping them. I...
"...I was so scared, Angie, God...I'm so glad you're okay..."
I was scared too. I'm scared still.
"...of course I would be, aniki. It was only an earthquake."
I was scared.
I don't want him to know that. I don't want anyone to know. Nobody should be worried about me. It's nothing that I can't take care of. I'm more than capable of handling this. I am.
I am
.
I am.
I--
"--ngie? Angie? You alright? You went quiet."
"I am going to go back to help other students." I sounded more collected that time. My voice is even again, and I'm breathing better. I'm not scared.
"Haah, right, shit, I should go make sure the neighbors are alright, too." He curses so much more in English. No, he curses so much more since he moved to Japan. "I'll try to call back in fifteen, okay? Or text if the lines are full-up. Or you call me? Just I know you're alright...?"
"If you believe it is necessary." I'm fine.
"Hell yes I think it's necessary, you...aurgh, look, I'll call you or text you, or make Yojin do it. Stay safe Ang, I love you."
"I love you, too, Chim."
TAG: Nobody ╳ She's not fine ╳ WORDS: 1629
