Excuse me, I have feelings [Miku & Rowan Sleepover 2.0]

Great, she did not want today anymore. Could she either wipe it, restart it anything really? She did not want this to happen, Miku was her only friend, this was ridiculous and stupid. She wanted this to never have happened and thus she started to peel with the candy that was given to her or well that she took herself and not given but that did not matter now. She sat cross-legged and her elbows on her knees and leaning her head onto her hands and sigh. She wanted to do something else, maybe she should go home and take a hot shower or something.

"We can learn from others but just." How would she say it, she remembered the class from Mosa, "I know its not the easiest but maybe don't share those burdens on your own." She sighed, "The thing is Miku, as you said before you do not like to talk about it, but some things you should not do alone and sometimes people would like to share things with you too but you do not allow it either." She sighed again, "I do not want to be too critical, it is not easy either and probably a lot of people say no to you but, I won't. If I just know you are safe." She did not sigh this time but she took a deep breath, "Teamwork, right? So the risk would be less bad and less stress worthy and people would know you were safe, we could work on that together?"

She had no intentions for a pro-hero team for the future but they were both very different, it might work. "You know firepower and plant power might be a great combination." She said with a little laugh. It was more a nervous chuckle though, she wished they could do something else and decided to take that decision up for herself, "Should we try and do something instead of sitting around?" It was the best she could come up with but she had no suggestion of what to do.

"I don't think anyone is a team player by heart, some might be just simply better at it than others but we could work on that, train together or so that is if you still have me of course." What she expected was what she considered an obvious no. Apparently, it was not that obvious as that was not what she got. The hug surprised her the most and she hoped that Miku missed the flinching of her shoulders, it was always something Rowan had, no matter if she knew that someone would hug her or tap her on the back, flinch. She did not like it as she did not understand or trust it but as Miku thanked her and said sorry, she did not even know what to say back and simply held on to Miku for a bit as well.

Rowan simply watched Miku as the hug broke apart and she watched and said nothing until she decided to ask if they should do something, watch a movie anything. She had no idea and Miku seemed to wipe away her tears, "Are you okay?" the girl asked, she wasn't sure. "Oh baking sounds like fun." Rowan got up when Miku suggested it and she made a small laugh about the cooking club, "You dropped out didn't you?" They had talked about that before and though Rowan still liked cooking, she had not much time to enjoy the activities of the cooking club considering her class president status and the captain of the cheerleaders. Bleh there was enough to do and maybe she should bring that down a notch considering next year but she would see how it would bring her. It would have been a nice year at least, that was something. And she would have to figure out matters soon if the end of the years was coming in rapid time.

---

WC: 315

She frowned a little, "You make it sound like its bad to be emotional but you can learn from your emotions as well as others theirs." She decided to say, but she also told herself to let it go. It was just better to not make a fight about it again, she hoped Miku one day would open up to her about it. So now they could do something together and the baking was a good suggestion so Rowan got up and would follow her. She asked if her friend stopped the cooking club, not that Rowan was there often but she was sure she had not seen Miku there anyway. "Oh you started the art club again? That's great." She smiled a little, still it was a weird conversation or so but she tried to let go what they first talked about. She nodded and wanted to ask why she had joined in the first place but it was not necessary as Miku did elaborate about the matter.

She nodded and understood, it was cute to hear she wanted to cook because of her dad but she had just been so negative about him for a bit. She almost opened her mouth to point that out but stopped, no, it was better to let it go and she nodded, giving her a flat smile as she followed, almost bumping into the blonde as she stopped, "Oh yes, its fine by me." She nodded, "Cookies is the most fun and easy." She said and thus she followed Rowan to the kitchen and she thought about what cookies they could make, maybe just with honey, that was interesting. She smiled, yes, she could practice. When they were in the kitchen, Miku's ehm adoptive mother than came in the kitchen, "Hi girls, do you need anything?" Rowan had still not asked Miku about the thing she needed advice about so she wasn't sure if they should ask her mother immediately but she felt also weird to bring it up and thus she looked a bit at the kitchen island as if she wished she wasn't there.

She had that too, the poise of her stance, the expression on her face everything had been valued before and her father still did that. But she understood what it was for now that she was who she was. Before she had hated it and it had definitely made the rift bigger between the two of them. "There will always be people that say that or try to use the emotions against you but it is up to you to let it hurt you or not." At least that was her opinion if you would not let it be used to bully you, if you always convinced yourself it was okay to have feelings, it would be better. Rowan put her hands on her hips as she looked at Miku. If she could teach her best friend a little of that, the self-confidence and so on, that might work wonders for the both of them. She was sure that she could learn a lot from Miku too and vice versa. She wanted to be open for that.

She quickly followed her friend downstairs as they talked about the art club and the cooking club and she nodded and looked around her kitchen. That was a pretty one, it was a little smaller than the one at her parents home but she had to mostly do with the one at her apartment or the one for the cooking club so this was big enough. "Same." She laughed at her friend as she said chocolate chip cookies and Miku and Rowan seemed to be at the same wavelength, "So let's make those." She said and would help Miku gather the right ingredients when her mother came back to them and she looked unsure at Miku. They had not discussed anything together. She watched Hanako interact with Miku and look at her shortly and give a shy smile before the woman nodded and walked away and told them to clean up the kitchen when they were done. "About that," She mumbled when Hanako was gone and looked at it, "I don't know how to start that topic."

Rowan raised an eyebrow, "Toughen up isn't a bad idea but never showing emotions is." But she let it go, removed the hands from her hips and just shook her head, it wasn't how it worked. And here she thought she was left behind in the socializing, which was why she wasn't surprised to not have many people to hang out with, making and working with the cheerleaders had already been a miracle. She wasn't sure what to say, it was just not well done to do so but she just let it go and talk about the other clubs and so on. Working in the kitchen after her mother left and just mumble. She focused on the cookies, making the dough was like the most important thing. But she couldn't stop thinking right now about why she was here, her own confusion. Yojin, but she had not spoken to him in ages, she did not dare, she had finally hand him back his sweater, albeit to Chimera but still it was at the right place. She bit her lip but then there was Sean and she felt this strange fuzzy feeling and froze in her movement without noticing. She could see him, his face in the hospital and how he smiled at her and it instantly made her smile as well, again something she did not notice.

In her own mind, she was confusing two things. She was so grateful to Yojin for helping her, for saving her that she thought that she was in love with him. With Sean, who she had missed greatly over the last few months, sitting next to her in class and always smiling at her made her feel empty and alone but every time she thought about him, it made her happy. She thought it had to do with him always smiling but now she wasn't so sure yet and the stupid thing was she had no idea how to admit this or talk about it.

She did not continue with the conversation about feelings and everything. Rowan had tried to reach Miku before about that and apparently it did not work. Trying it again, have another fight or crying fest would ruin this party even more and she did not want that. She really hoped that baking cookies would solve their issue. So they were going to work on that. But she remained awfully quiet during the preparations for the cookies and so it wasn't really that much fun probably for Miku. But Rowan was lost in thoughts, she came here for advice from her best friend but was that even working? Was that even smart? Wasn't it something your feelings would tell you and why had she not asked her own mother, why did she went to Miku's? Because it was gosh darn embarrassing to admit it!

"Oh, I was just thinking." She mumbled a little, kneading the dough still although it was almost done and ready to be made in little balls for the cookies. "I just wondered why it's so confusing and if I am that stupid." She probably was if everyone else got it. Also she was sure so many more had a crush on either of the one she might have a crush on. Was she sure she had a crush on Sean? When she thought of that question herself, she started to burn bright red, "E-eh cookies are ready for this." So she quickly started to make little balls and put them on the oven plate so they could go in, in a bit.

She looked unsure about asking Miku's mom for advice, she did not want to be considered stupid or wasting someone's time. So she said nothing again, "How did you know you were in love?" She believed she had asked this question before but Miku said back at her place that she had a boyfriend and there was no one here to interrupt them. They talked during the fifteen minutes that the cookies were in the oven and Rowan helped clean up the kitchen again. "Sure. I think when they are still a little warm, they are the best." Was Rowan's reply to Miku about trying the chocolate chip cookies they just made. Would youknow, boys like cookies? Homemade cookies? It was so difficult to think about it all and she did not want to make it stupid or too complex or anything. It was already complex wasn't it?

Rowan couldn't help but ask and fumbled with her hair and shirt, sure you felt it and you knew but then she was a broken human being as she did not know. "I don't know exactly what I feel. I shy away from Yojin-kun because I don't know but I can't wait to see-too see." She blushed, she could not even say Sean's name without stammering. It was just so embarrassing that she wanted to be by his side and just want to see that smile and feel so carefree about the whole ordeal, it would be great after all. But was that it? Was that how you felt and knew? She quickly helped clean the kitchen or was already working on it to distract herself and not look straight at Miku. Her friend shouldn't realize she was a half functioning human being after all. Nope, that would be bad. Now with that ready she was just wondering what they would do next but Miu got two glasses of milk and they first enjoyed that.

She wondered if she should make cookies for Sean or Yojin or both or none at all and just stick with herself. Might be safest for everyone, she wouldn't burn anyone accidentally. So Miku suggested to ask her mom and with a plate of cookies they headed to the living room where Hanako sat next to G and she was working on finishing the book with baby pictures. Gah, so cute and Rowan wondered if she would ever get- no stop that track of thoughts! She looked at Miku, rather nervous to say anything out loud herself. Hanako looked up rather quickly and as Miku had said they wanted her advice before she was already all ears, "Ehm, well, ehm, it's like this.." She looked again at Miku for any support, she got so confused that she did not even know how to properly form the question.