Necessary Precautions [Elise & Nimue | Saga]

The cafeteria surely was too crowded and she was so unaware of the potential possibilities of meeting former students inside the hospital but she had to try. She had to ask and thus the teacher decided to call out to the former student. Well, to be honest, she was the only former student that Nimue could bump into, that she wanted to think about and the issue was also that she did not know what to say. Which was why she became rather silent while she had just called out the name of a girl she considered intelligent and well it was a shame she didn't see her so often anymore. Nimue wondered when really was the last time she had seen the girl, perhaps even really spoken to? Sports festival? She shook her head a little to get back into the here and now as Elise rightfully called her out for that. "Ehm, sure sounds nice." Somewhere private, ha her own office did barely fit her, it was like she wasn't important enough but it seemed that the hospital did accept Elise, maybe because she could give her full attention and dedication to the hospital while Nimue even though she was here often in her free time, that was before Shinagawa. Though to be fair she was here very often now but she had not dared to start the project. She wasn't sure if she was the right person for the project when she thought about it. It was a lot to take in from time to time and she really, really wanted to be in her right mind when she was observing and reconstructing, revaluating and so on what this substance could be.

The girl was really talkative and that made Nimue happy, she believed she was rather moody these days and that surely did not help, she tried to be happy and surely from time to time it worked but no tall the time and she almost sighed, but she quickly changed that into taking a deep breath through the nose. "Tricky indeed, but who knows, the plan might work." if the government was changing and adapting to the idea, it might be good to have some politicians behind you when you had needs, maybe she should ask Deguchi how she was doing. The teacher followed the girl into the office and looked around, fancy, but that wasn't a real surprise to her but it was still nice to see so. She wanted to say something as Elise asked her about the time she had and the medically experienced pro-hero, yes, definitely with being one of the only ones that was a harsh thing to worry about. She wanted to answer but the idea of Shinagawa and the whole happenings over there made her stop. It wasn't good to bother Elise with all her worries, she was basically but a child. Interesting way to think that for someone who was only about six years younger. Only a year older than her leaving her homeland to try and find her...

The already pale-looking nurse only took one turn for the worse and she looked down at her lap now that she sat down on the opposite side of Elise. But she immediately looked up with the last sentence she heard the girl speak, "That's exactly how I feel. So much has been thrown my way and I can't sit down and take a moment for myself, there is always something more important or so the world seems to be shifting it around. Sometimes I just want to lock myself up in a house where no one finds me and do nothing."

Yes, somewhere safe was a good one too. She took a deep breath, was there even a safe spot. "And yet there are so many people waiting for you or family and friends you don't want to disappoint." Or Tetsuko, for Elise right? They were dating still or so Nimue assumed. She wondered if she would have noticed if it wasn't the case and as she wondered about it, she kind of missed Giovanni. He seemed to care and that was something she needed but she had lied to him and she could not deal with that herself. She shivered as Elise seemed to say something, something that she could not even speak about. Only some of the pro-heroes seemed to know. She was wondering if Shingawa's police had hushed up the whole affair. "Ah yea." But more she could not say, she did not want to interrupt the girl her peach about what she had realized and she wasn't sure if she should actually talk about it. She wanted to maybe drop a tear and she looked with a worried and saddened expression at Elise and she was probably going to ask the most strange question she was ever going to ask a former student. "If you don't mind, Elise, how did you cope? Was it Tetsuko-chan?" Was it having your mother eventually by your side?

For a second there was no trace of Nimue, there was this trace of a small girl, she wanted to learn, she wanted to understand and not be alone. She still blamed herself and she would and she wanted to scream and punch people but that didn't help and she subdued that feeling. She wasn't sure if she should say something about it. After all, she was the one who sort of got her revenge in a way and Elise didn't but maybe she did not see it that way, maybe she was for as far as you could be satisfied with how it was going now. Ah yes, Tetsuko. Nimue looked at her lap, she did not have anyone here, surely she had friends but to take a step forward with them it was so strange. But she hoped and she utterly did, faithfully did that it was the future road she had to take that she would have a future with someone like Giovanni. He seemed to care, he seemed to listen, he seemed to know what to do and if he didn't he would say so. But it was a start of the relationship and she did not dare to think about it, what if she jinxed it again. Which was why she lied to him and that pained her so much, she couldn't even utter the words I love you to him. But she was fine. She would be fine.

She looked up again and nodded, she wanted to avert her eyes but they were talking from person to person, from woman to woman and she should show that respect. "Yes I did." Of course, maybe Spymaster had informed Elise, maybe not, maybe she had figured out in another way. She wasn't sure if the school had announced it, after all, she still wasn't completely back with her classes and she wasn't sure if she should make a decision about it or should just continue with that one step. She wanted to ask how the girl was doing when it came to the Spymaster issue, she had not often spoken to Kiryu, they went on the trip to Mount Fuji together but that was about it in general. She didn't say anything, she just looked, why would a pretty and young girl like Elise have to wear that scowl already. She let out a soft chuckle when she said the consultation was free. "It is okay to talk, why not both share our burdens, after all, we always understood each other very well I believed." She opened up for Elise, sometimes you needed to talk to someone a little more distant from you right. She had not missed a word of what the girl said before but she did not intend to push. "I can just say that I don't know. I am lost, I keep convincing myself I am fine but every obstacle feels bigger than the previous one of the consequences seem bigger." She sighed, yes, that is what everything felt, showing up in class to teach Biology, felt like a big obstacle.

Nimue nodded, avenging, that sounded reasonable but she had done that in a way. Not the way she had wanted, not the way that woman deserved but she couldn't do more. Killing was not in her nature and it would be wrong, but it is what they did do. And now, now probably many more were after her. She should push Giovanni already away because of that, the fact that she was wanted by the underworld definitely did make her a big enough target and she did not want to risk anything. His life was too important for anything and she had already made it worse, she had already screwed up and she wasn't coping. She wished she had someone like Tetsuko, someone that understood and knew her but that wasn't a possibility. "I am avoided, they don't want me to make decisions, heck they didn't even want me out there." She mumbled, they thought she would fall into a trap by Crowley and look at her falling from one of the Oracle. But she did not want to say it, she knew she would have to, she wrung a piece of her shirt between her hands, twirling it around her finger until it kind of felt dead and the top of her finger became red, the only piece she could see. Fumbling with anything, not being able to look at people because she did not want to see the pity in their eyes. She did not want them to avert their eyes so she did. "Revenge is a vicious circle, but doing the right thing for people like me, like us, I believe it will be the same. We are punished for doing what is right." Why did you become a hero? That's what she asked, she had not wanted to know why she arrested Meiko because it was her duty then why did she care? Nimue didn't get it and those answers of what the Oracle felt like, or what her father felt like it was something she felt that she needed. She needed someone to tell her and she needed someone, someone close to her that understood everything. The guilt, the danger, the everything but she couldn't.

She wanted to hold on to the idea that it was right, that her father wanted her to continue, that their meeting for the two short months was like a dream. But she couldn't accept that. "It is really nice to have someone that knows you through and through and that you always can count on. I can see she is a treasure to you and you are to her I am sure of it. It almost makes me jealous." And maybe she was jealous, she never thought of herself as the jealous type but the fact that nothing seemed to be working out and this job kept on taking, it made her slightly uncomfortable. She wanted to almost say it out loud, that she wasn't even sure if she should continue to be a pro-hero. Elise let her dark thoughts go, for Tetsuko, for her father and for the sake of being a doctor but what did that make Nimue? Nothing? A hero that didn't know if she wanted to be one and a doctor, too busy with avoiding the world because she might bring more harm if they knew where she was often. She was waiting for another wave of villains to come and hunt her. And who would she bring into danger right now, it was a worthy question for sure. Maybe she should stop in general with everything but then who had won?

But that was exactly a point Elise brought up and she did not like to think that, her eyes turned slightly bigger, "There is a traitor?" But who and why, she could not ask that from Elise, she could not just reopen the wounds that were so carefully sewed shut with the most fragile needle and tread there was only to be burst open soon enough again, no she could not do that. But now that she thought about it, "They all seem to understand fine," She sighed, yes maybe they already knew beforehand, it was stupid but it was an easy thought, "Actually it is maybe saver to spare me out of this, I am not sure how much my brain could handle still." She wasn't sure how else she would be able to fix her mind and be able to lie to herself more. When she explained that she felt that every step was higher and so on, it wasn't something crazy it was that she told by Elise how it would be necessary to take it one step at the time. "The thing is, I don't have time for that, the world isn't standing still and waiting for me to fix it." Maybe she should move, but where to and where would she go. She couldn't stay with G and Hanako again? What if something happened to them?

Overprotective? She wasn't exactly sure if that was the case, it might be though, considering how stupid it could be considered but she really, really did not want to consider that. She actually more assumed that they did not really understand or cared. Wanted her to grow up, stop whining, stop being dramatic or anything. But yes, children without the acceptance in the real world, without the understanding of anything and she simply nodded. There was nothing else to do. She wished she should not have to make these decisions but she did have to and that meant that she would eventually get at the point that she had to put her foot down, but that point wasn't now. The point wasn't there because it was no use. It was especially no use if she had no idea where she was standing herself. Even if what Elise followed up with, it didn't change what she thought. A villain won't care about such a detail. Yet it felt strange, why had the Oracle asked, why had that woman asked her why she became a pro-hero. She had not cared about the arrest, she had wanted to know Nimue her original reason and if the conversation continued like that, it would be experienced as the same. Why did she became a pro-hero and was she still holding on to that fact? "I can tell you as a person that is five years older than you, there is no difference." Five was nothing, but she was sure there was no difference to some of her older colleagues, they would always wonder, if not age then experience. If not experience or age than capacity, mobility, anything there would always be an excuse. It was good that there was someone that would not listen to the idiots that kept overprotecting. Nimue could make an example of Elise, she was doing better, she was definitely doing better with coming up for herself but what if you had no idea?

She wished she had such a good influence, she could not complain about the things she had done but it was minor compared to bringing a bigger picture. Maybe her next plan would work, depending on Deguchi's time of course but she was sure it would be working out and that it would help the politician herself as well. She looked Elise in the eye as well, it was bad to avert her eyes if they were having a heart to heart. She didn't answer after her little speech. Yes, that is not why she became a hero, her virtues, her values, her everything was not the person that she was shaped to be because of the happenings from the last two months. She wasn't sure how to bring it, it wasn't sure how to answer. She had thought about killing Oracle, as revenge, as everything but she had not done so, she had not even been able to do so. She was sure that she did not have the heart for it in the end anyway. It became quiet between them, just the sounds of the office, of the traffic lightly in the back, of Elise sipping from her drink.

Only for the people, too pure.

But wasn't that her goal? Was she too pure or already infected with the thoughts that were in the world that influenced her. But on the one hand, as Elise considered, yes it made sense, there were other answers. But the thing was, the question basically if there were wrong answers when you considered all the motives, all the definitions of being a hero. She smiled, trying to keep it on her face because it was a happy topic as they spoke about Tetsuko, but she was maybe jealous, she still did not want to consider that it could be an actual option in her mind. Jealousy. That was not a thing for her. She finally took a sip of the teacup, realizing she still had it in her hand. Well, at least it wasn't cold but cooled off enough for her to drink. She didn't like the last sentence, "If we live by that, we cannot talk to anyone but the other pro-heroes, those that can save themselves and that is not a world to live in." Or in Elise case as she was no longer in the program for pro-heroes, Tetsuko would not be able to talk to her.

She wanted to open her mouth again, to stop Elise for saying sensei, but it didn't matter and would interrupt her so she didn't say it. She nodded, yes, fame and glory was nothing when it didn't go well for the people. This time she could look away from Elise but she nodded, combining a pro-hero mentality and that of a doctor. She didn't want to cry, she never talked about herself, after all, others already had enough trouble. "It is something to consider. At this moment I struggle with the question if I should continue, being a pro-hero that is. Should I not work on something I might be better at, focus on being a doctor?" Maybe the person who made that decision was the best to ask, but again, Elise had enough worries and appointments to consider and the woman almost apologized to her, but instead, she bit her cheek. No, just mention it. As she said, people will give their time or not. "Also, it might a good thing to talk about, I do trust people, and even if that feeling or that moment is still fragile, I-I don't think I can tell everyone that I am a pro-hero. Not because of their feelings but because as you said before it is too dangerous. I picked this job because of my ability to heal because I am good at it, but I lost someone. I lost someone because of my reckless thinking, my thinking I was exaggerating, what if that happens again, I cannot take that."

She did not want to look at Elise, every time she hit home on the decisions that Nimue could not or did not dare to make and she took a deep breath. She took another sip of her tea. She knew strength came in many forms and ways but she did not dare to think it was a possibility to her. "I know," But that did not make it easier, "But I don't think it is a good idea to tell everyone who I also am. To tell them that I am also Witch Doctor. I cannot rely on those civilians out there to take that as easily, my father knew and look where that brought him." Buried. Alone. She was basically alone again, every "white" lie she told Giovanni. She did not believe in white lies, she believed in nothing more than the honest truth but that wasn't here, there was no option for it. But yes, the heroes of this society looked picture perfect but they were far from it and she was far from it. But that made it only more crazy to think about the whole thing in general. She thought about all the heroes she knew and that surely would not work out this way but it would be a lot easier. Not that she had dared to actually phone Tony right now, it felt wrong. From both the angles that she looked at it, she did not want to talk about it but she also did not want to ignore her one friend who said he would be there for her.

So she had to ask, she had to wonder, she had to rethink her whole idea. It was maybe not the fairest question to ask but she did it anyway and as she had expected, Elise came with a professional answer again. Yes, there was the same question again, the Oracle her question. Why did she? It was a vague idea in her mind, she remembered to be recommended by one of her professors. The fact that she would be able to use her quirk to heal civilians, that had been the whole idea but look at her now. Fighting, she did not like fighting. Heck, she had bought a blunted spear only to make sure to have a weapon, what thought for a healer was that. She looked up after the quiet moment and Elise explained she would kill to protect those she held dear. And maybe it should scare people off but it kind of was admiration that Nimue fell. The pro-hero wished that she could be so direct and so understanding of her feelings. "I couldn't." She muttered, remembering the unconscious woman in front of her, maybe it was because of the fact that she wasn't awake, that she couldn't fight back. But that had only made it easier but Nimue had refrained from doing so. "It takes a lot of strength and wisdom to know what is right for you. I try to figure that one out. I try to tell myself every day why I became what I am. I remember the recommendation I got during my last year at Medical School because my quirk could heal it would work well to have a license and be there to help civilians. Be the support, people needed and I could do that." She reminded herself of the moment she went to find Haruuhi and bumped into G for the first time. She had not fought, she had been ready to do so, but she was there to help Haruuhi. When she ran out to find Rowan. But suddenly she was on the other spectrum. "I didn't become a doctor because I didn't know what I wanted to do, a general practitioner maybe? It's sort of what I do now when you look at my job at U.A." But she also became the biology teacher four months after she start working there, it made no sense. It was like people picked her up and as a doll put her somewhere else. "I don't know anymore what I want." Which was a kind of obvious if the question remained there the whole time.

She nodded when they talked about her feeling. About not daring to share her professional job. She wanted to say that the girl did not get it, but that was unfair because she did. "My father was enthusiastic, he talked to radio shows, television programs about his daughter being a pro-hero." That had made it easy for the Oracle to trace him and find him, "What if he does it too?" He was one specific person, the others knew, she had no other friends or people she hang out with often, they all knew she was a pro-hero. "Does that make me dangerous? Because if it does, I rather shut up." But yes, she should do her best to prevent it, and if it helped by not telling Giovanni that she was a pro-hero than it worked for her right? Then she did prevent it? That was the whole ordeal, she could tell him about falling off stairs, she could lie about how she got potential wounds, she would find a way to summon Lindiwe and hide it all from him. She would just tell him that she would be able to do much more, maybe she should.. maybe she should ask him his opinion about heroes?

The silence in a sense was killing. But the silence was never bad, it gave people the opportunity to think about it and to wonder what to say without saying it wrong. It was the correct way of doing so and she took that silence to continue drinking her tea and enjoy the moment. The moment and what they were saying wasn't entirely enjoyable, but the fact that she was able to talk and have someone listen was definitely something to appreciate. she nodded, yes it was something she had already realized and found out. Not in the nicest way but she was done with the fighting, "Which would only be the more reason to quit. If there was a way for me to be out there and just help people with my healing quirk that would be enough. I don't want to fight, I do just want to help whomever, for healing and wounds and infections. It did sound so silly, so childish. But it had been my dream all along, I thought it would be more helpful to be a pro-hero but look at me now, fighting villains left and right while there are far better pro-heroes for that than me." God, this pity parade should stop, she was given these powers, she had met these spirits and Uphondu had returned to her so she should respect that. She wanted to say it was enough, everything. The whole debate, the whole fighting thing and she looked at Elise leaning over the desk and rest her hand on Nimue's own, which were just placed on the desk next to her cup and she looked at it. "I know." And it wasn't that she didn't want to tell Giovanni, really she did but it was so scary. What would he think of her then? What would he say? What would he do with the information? She had managed, albeit with difficulty, to stay away from the public, they blurred her face and voice, they would not show her entirely on the television. Her new hero outfit again hid her hair and her lower face, it worked fine. Secrecy was everything. "Once I make a decision, I will tell him." She nodded to herself most likely. Yes, because there was no need to tell him the news if she decided to quit. She nodded, yes she could make a sort of rules, maybe not the right word but to understand and take the precaution of his and her own safety. If she had no one else it would be important to point that out and maybe be honest about the death of her father. Yes, it was definitely something to consider, they were only dating for two months now, it wouldn't be that bad to wait a little more... right?

Yes, make a decision not only for herself. But that's even more difficult if you didn't know what you yourself wanted. "It almost sounds tempting to make a pro and con list. I have so many thoughts that I cannot understand or put away in my mind. Some simply push and weight more than another one does." But it was good to not think directly of a pro-and-con list but to write it down. Write all her thoughts down so she wouldn't forget or skip anything really, it was enough. She stared at Elise when listening to her, "Thundershock got Tetsuko's number?" What? How, when? Oh god, this was maybe the reason she should stay, but then again she was sure actually that Elise and Tetsuko could handle themselves eventually. "I feel like I am taking all your time with my whining and indecisiveness." But there must be enough on Elise her plate on her own. Maybe she could listen to her as well?